Life, Love, & Happiness.

10 years ago today, my beloved grandmother gained her wings and left this earthly world to be in heaven.

I've written about her in a previous blog about cancer. I've written about her in other blogs as well, I'm sure.

I was going to write this blog in the form of a letter to her, and had it all planned out in my head what I was going to say and how it was going to be laid out. But this morning I woke up feeling that that would be a stupid idea since she obviously has been watching over me and knows what I've been up to.
So, now what?

How do I go about writing a blog post about her when theres no way to put into words how much she meant to me and how much I'd give up to have her here with me now? Yep, that's a million dollar question.

Apart from knowing that she's not suffering anymore (and you have NO idea how much that alone means to me.) and can take a clear breath without going into coughing fits that racked her entire body now, it still sucks that she's not here.

It sucks that as much as I love Ale8, someday's it hurts to drink them because the only way I know HOW to drink one is with a straw. I got that from her.

It sucks that Red Velvet Cake doesn't have the same taste anymore because she didn't make it. It also sucks that I've given up on trying to make it, because I know mine will never be as good as hers once was.

It sucks that as much as I love the house she made a home, it hurts to walk inside it somedays so I got days without going there even though it means I don't get to see my Papaw.

It sucks that the only way she was able to be at my wedding and me be able to see her was by putting a picture of her in a charm, and tying it onto my bouquet. Yeah, that really freakin sucks.

One thing that sucks most of all? I've lost my best friend, my confidant, my encourager, my motivator, and my cheer leader. Don't get me wrong, Brendon & Joshua are many of those things and more. But it's really not the same.

My Nanny raised me. She was my life. My heart. And did everything in her power and paycheck to make me happy and to make sure I was well taken care of. Even when she was sick, and at home, and barely able to move. She was there for me. I will never forget that.

Most people have told me to look on the bright side, she's not hurting anymore and I have my own personal guardian angel. Yeah that's true. But it doesn't make the hurt go away.

I guess if I'm looking on the bright side, I can look at what happened after her death that made me who I am today.

I went wild.
I rebelled.
I snuck out.
I got pregnant.
I gave birth to my son.
I was in a bad relationship with his sperm donor.
I got out of the bad relationship.
I finished high school, while raising my son and keeping a part time job.
I met the man I now have the great privilege of calling my Husband.
I met my husbands family.
I started going to church again for the first time in 6 years.
I went to college.
I effed up going to college.
I went back to work at Berrymans.
I became a certified nurses aid. (with which, I've done nothing with. :()
I'm still at Berrymans.
I married Joshua Clay Spencer. :)
I started working towards being a professional photographer.
I'm no longer wild, rebelling, or sneaking out.
Nor am I pregnant.
I'm a child of God.
I'm blessed.
I'm HAPPY for the first time in a long, long time.
I still cry often. Like right now.
But I'm happy more often than not.
And I pray. A lot.
I trust that God will bring me through.
I trust others.
I love others. (yeah, yeah...I still "hate" some as well. I'm only human.)
Did I mention that I still cry often?

I see people in my family that look so much like my Nanny, and my heart warms because it's like I've caught a glimpse of her. Something I haven't seen in person in years. Then I realize it's not her. And as much as it hurts to realize that. It lets me know that she IS there for me. She IS watching over me. And that I don't have to worry.

By the way, Nanny, Please over look my room (and my car.) They're disgusting. I really need to work on the hoarding gene that you passed onto me. Seriously, need to work on that.

When my Nanny passed, she left me her jewelry. I used to watch her put it on in the mornings, and take it off when she would come home at night. It was ritual, a special time with me and her. She would always tell me that it would be mine someday. I'm not sure she realized how soon that someday would be. I'm sure if she had, she would have given me some guidelines to follow with what to do with it all. And I mean ALL, there's a LOT of it. I know that I will never wear some of it. And that's what she had bought it for. So, I've been making plans and decisions in my head about what to do with it. I've given my little sister a necklace, and my baby cousin Josh one as well for graduation. I've got a few pieces that I love and wouldn't part with. I've wore an old costume jewelry pearl necklace to my wedding. I've got some ideas as to what I plan to do with some of it, special things for my sister, cousins, and my own children. But I don't want the rest to just sit. It was something she loved, and worked hard for, I want to pass that on. I want other people in my family to have a piece of her as well. Nobody has forgotten her, I know that, but a more physical piece of her is what some of them need. Those in the family that were close to her, and learned something from her, or those that she truly adored. I haven't settled on a legit list of those people yet, but I do have some in mind as well as what I will give them. It's just hard to do. Way too hard to do. I also haven't told anyone else in the family besides my cousin Brittany about this plan either. Especially not my dad or grandfather. I'm sure my dad will be the one to convince, and he will probably think people have asked for something, when in reality, not one person has. Not even my sister or cousin Josh. I did those out of my own heart and out of what I felt was right.
My cousin Danielle is the only other person besides myself, my sister and Josh that have a piece of her. And my papaw gave her Nanny's Saint Christopher necklace right after she passed away. I couldn't think of a better person to have received that specific piece. It was something that Nanny wore almost everyday. I remember it hanging on the on/off switch on the lamp beside her seat in the living room at the end of everyday. I think it's served it's protective powers well in guarding over Danielle as well. She's done so much and made our family so proud. I can only imagine what My Nanny would say about her today.
Anyways, so that's my plans as of right now. It's still a work in progress. It's still a plan in progress.

There's just so many people that she touched, and those that never really got to meet her to be able to revel in her graciousness.

I know that whatever I choose to do with her jewelry, and in my life, that she will be there by my side supporting me in that decision. Because that's what she did best. Support.

There's so much more that I would love to say about her, SO MUCH MORE. But in reality, it's too much for a blog post. And I would never be able to do any of it justice.

I just hope that I am (or grow up to be) to half the woman that she was. Because, then, I'll be doing great.

In Loving Memory of My Beloved Nanny, Rita Darlene Holder. <3

With Love, Laughter, and the occasional Tears.
God Bless.
<3

We're going to the Chapel, and we're gonna get meheheharrrried!!

Long time no read, strangers...seriously long time.

Well, if you've been following and keeping up to date with my life as of right via this blog...then you know I'm getting married this Saturday.

Yep. This freaking Saturday. I'm about to flip the eff out, I'm so stressed.

I haven't posted in such a long while because I haven't had TIME! It's been insane! Let's play catchup...shall we?

So, last post was around the time of the fair and my brain is so fuzzy that I don't even remember when that was. Nor did I look at the date of that post when I just re-read it. Lord, help me. That's all I can say.

I've been cleaning houses (recently dropped down to just one house), working at Berrymans, and most recently doing pictures of people. (more on that in a later post because there's just TOO much to say about it...) And planning a wedding. And taking care of my 6 year old who has most recently taken to the idea that throwing tantrums and fits will get him what he wants. Sorry, Charlie! Er...Brendon....

I've been a very busy gal. And I like busy. But I don't like busy to the point that I forget what I need to do, and that I get stressed out to the point of getting fever blisters. Yes, I am now the proud owner of a big ole, sore as heck, fever blister. Not even in the corner of my mouth! Oh no! That could have been covered up Saturday! Too easy! It's on my top lip, almost in the center. Yep. Let's see you cover that up now! (and yes, I'm so stressed that I carry on conversations with myself about my fever blister...)

I'm almost 75% percent positive that I have almost everything done. All that is left, to my crazy frazzled knowledge, is minor stuff. That I have 6 days to complete. And I don't even get my dress until tomorrow. Again, Lord help me.

I honestly don't know what else to say. I mean, in 6 days I'm going to marry my best friend. I'm ecstatic, over the moon happy. But then again, in 7 days we're going on our honeymoon to California and I would like a vacation and be able to sleep in, but my (by then) new husband will be up at the butt crack of dawn everyday (which is just who he is, and my least favorite trait about him...I love that trait when I need to be up at the butt crack of dawn tho.)...and sits and stares at me while I sleep. Which isn't as creepy as I just made it sound, oddly enough. But I can FEEL him staring in my sleep...so it wakes me up. And he's all like "YAY! You're up!! Let's eat! Whatcha wanna do today?!?! Huh?! I love you! Get up! Ya know you snore and talk in your sleep?! I know that you do! hahahahahahahahahahaaa...."....MAYBE, just maybe...I'm exaggerating. But still. He's way too damned perky that early. And mean. He finds it funny to poke, tickle, steal blankets...etc...to get me up. But, I do love that crazy man of mine. :) <3

I was going to write this big, long, mushy gushy, make you cry/tear up blog post. But I don't have to be at work for another 3 hours...so, I'm going to work on a few things and get ready, and just try to relax for at least a minute...We'll see how that goes. My girly post will be a "post wedding/honeymoon" post. Should be entertaining.

I really do need to post pictures of the photography sessions I've done thus far....and of the wedding. And of the honeymoon....someone remind me to do that?! Please?! My "To Do List" has no more space!!!!!!! :(

As always, with Love, & Laughter.
God Bless.
<3

It's a Mad, Mad World

As everyone knows, I like to rant. I rant about a lot of things on here, and sometimes I do post more serious and/or lighthearted things.
This will be kind of another rant, but also more like me trying to get my head around some thoughts. Trying to understand something, if you will.

This week the County Fair is going on. That's all I've heard about and read about for well over a week now. Obviously, most of the people I talk to are adults, my age or older. So when I hear/see people 20+ years old talking constantly about the fair and asking people to go with them it annoys me. I mean, do these people not HAVE to work?! What do they do all day/night to be able to go to the fair 2-3 times a week? A lot of them have kids. Who wants to take their child to the fair multiple times? Actually, who the hell can afford it?!

I had no intentions of going to the fair this year, but, someone informed my son that it was going on so when he started asking to go, I took him. We were there for maybe 3 hours. Long enough for him to ride all the rides he could, play some games and eat some horrible food. And he hasn't asked to go back, that's how lame it is. You go once, why go back?!

I'm a firm believer that if you go to the fair more than once, you're just looking for trouble. Most of these "kids", and I put that in quotations because as of right now, I am talking about people my age. People who should be responsible working adults with bills to pay and/or children to feed. But then, there's the problem of there being actual kids there as well.

Lets talk about my issue with the "kids". These people either don't have jobs, or they have jobs but blow their money on stupid things like the fair. The ones that don't have jobs: if they're going to the fair multiple times during the week that it is operating, where are they getting their money?! Oh yes, my tax dollars. I'd be willing to bet that at least 75% of these people are drawing checks or receive some other government aid. I don't have a problem with people receiving government aid, not at all. My problem is that if you are able to buy tattoos, alcohol to party with, iPhones, etc etc and go to the fair, you are fully capable of going to work and paying your own bills. And not only that, but where are your kids. A lot of these people have children. But when you see them out (the fair and other places) they never have their children. If seen at the fair, they'll most likely tell you that the child is too young to really enjoy the fair. Ok, well if their child is older than, let's sayyyy....3? And if it's a question of having to pay $10 for said child who won't enjoy it, it's free for kids that small honey.
For those that have jobs: I still don't get it. Do they not have anything better to do with their lives? No bills? Food that needs to be bought?! Even if you go to the fair just twice in the whole week, you're still going to end up spending about $30 each time. That's still $60 that you could have put back, or purchased something worthwhile with. Or, ya know, paid a bill or bought food. And if you're this old anyways, why are you even at the fair? Do you enjoy hanging out with little teenagers? Especially those of you who don't have children to take to the fair.

Then you have think about how these people are acting. I've never in my life been so appalled at a lot of people's behavior who are around my age. Seriously. I literally had to stop at least once and look at some person like they were imbeciles b0ecause they're at the fair, barely dressed, and I hear them talking about how they're "gonna whip some punks asssss." while puffing on a Marlboro Red. Really? And you're how old again? That's exactly why these people go to the fair so much. The drama and excitement! Who could bear to miss it?!


Ok, so what about the fair-goers who are legitimate kids? And by the way, when I say legitimate kids, I'm talking freshly turned 18 and down. That's it. Once you turn 18, you're an adult, so act like it. Get a job, grow up and gain some responsibility. Hell, I've had a job (and most of the time went to school as well) since I was 16. So yes, it KILLS me when I see people my age and older (especially older) who don't work and pretty much haven't worked a day in their lives. Back to the kids though, thing is, if you didn't know the "kids" from above were actually 20+, you would think that they were 18 and/or younger. That's how they act. And a lot of the times, the actual kids act more mature. And that says a lot. I know a 15 year old boy, a fellow Berrymans employee to be exact, who has a job because he wanted one. Not because his parents made him work, but because he wanted to help contribute towards purchasing a car next year and liked having his own money. But then I see people who are 25 who just don't care that it's 15 year old's who are working to support their checks. It's sickening.

Whoops...got off topic again....So, we're at the fair. It's all fine and dandy, we're having a good ole time. And then I get bored. And I start to looking around, people watching if you will. And I realize that I missed the "come to the fair dressed like a prostitute" memo. I felt way over dressed in my jeans, boots and T-Shirt. (note the sarcasm there...) Girls as young as maybe 12-13 were basically wearing denim panties, boots, and a tank top or some other kind of almost nothing shirt. 5 lbs of makeup must have been a requirement as well. I was just flabbergasted. It was insane. A lot of these young ladies were there with just friends. Mom and Dad had dropped them off and was coming back later that night to get them. Have they not heard about pedophiles?! I mean Lord have mercy! Some were so scantily clad that I wanted to shield my 6 year old sons eyes as we walked by them! Just the way they stand, and talk and present themselves make them seem so much older. Which more often than not, is their intentions and will lead them down a dark and twisted path.

I am literally in awe of how much I could tell about Montgomery Counties inhabitants just from spending a few hours at the fair. Granted, I see enough of that at work. It's disturbing, disgusting and saddening all at the same time. I mean, the first of the month is always a big busy time for Berrymans. Most of the counties citizens get their checks then, and instead of doing what the check is intended for, they will come into Berrymans multiple times the first week or so of the month and spend $30 at a time buying food. And we're not the only place they go to either. I'm sure on your check it says "go directly to Berrymans and buy everything on the menu", because that's what it seems like.

Now, I know someone is probably thinking "well, how is it any of your business what other people do and how they let their kids dress?!" It's not....but then again, it is. When this is the future of our country, I'm allowed to be concerned. When this is what my hard earned tax dollars are going towards, I'm allowed to be pissed. I could have really used that $100 in taxes this month to buy my baby some school clothes, but no, someone had to have their pills and God knows what else, so it went to them.

The thing about it is that this is how the government is raising our future generations. Yes, a lot of these people grew up with parents who more than likely did the same thing. That's bad parenting. But when the government makes it so easy for people like this to live off of them and to not have to do anything to get the help, that's also bad parenting. This is what these people see everyday, it's what they're used to, that's what they think life should be like for them.

Another reason it pisses me off is because here I am, 22, worked since I was 16, tried to go to college, trying to go back and a mother. And I can't get government assisted housing. I've applied and been turned down twice. What is up with that?! I've factored it up multiple times and even with my recent raise, I a still at least $300-$500 below the poverty line. Somebody please explain this to me, because I am obviously missing something here! I know people living in government housing, who don't work, get the majority of their bills paid for by the government, get food stamps and anything/everything they can....and don't work or even try to better themselves. But why would they?! If it's being paid for and is taken care of, why work for it? That's the mind set these people have and how they have been taught to live by both their parents and the system. It's twisted that I can't go to the doctor because I have no insurance and don't qualify for any medical card because I'm over the age of 21, when I really might need it. But yet, I'd probably be able to get one if people stopped mooching off the government.

And as far as the half naked kids go? If you dress like a slut/hoodlum, you'll be treated like a slut/hoodlum. I'm just saying. But I'm not saying that they're either of those things, that's what people don't understand. It's the whole judging a book by it's cover thing. That's how whores/hoodlums dress and act, so that's automatically what they'll be perceived as on a subconcious level. Am I right, or am I right?! But it all goes back to parenting. Here I am, 22, about to be married and going on a honey moon. So I bought me a mini skirt/tank top outfit to wear in California on our honeymoon. I don't like short shorts, let alone short skirts. And this is the FIRST mini skirt I've ever wore, let alone bought. And the thing is, it has a top that rolls down/up so I can make it longer! AND it's mid thigh, not coochie high. Not even joking right now. I tried it on the other day when it came in, my dad saw and the first words out of his mouth were "WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING IN THAT?!?!" so I told him what I had bought it for and asked if it looked ok. his reply was "well, it don't look bad. But I don't freaking like it....just don't wear in front of me. I don't like it. I just don't like it." I'M 22 FREAKING YEARS OLD PEOPLE! And my dad still monitors what I wear because I live in HIS house. Hes not as bad as he used to be, but still not so nonchalant about my attire as obviously a lot of parents are. I would never even have thought to wear shorts coochie high when I was younger, and honestly, now that I'm thinner and can wear them; It's the MOST uncomfortable thing in the world. How?! How can you wear something so tight and short that you have to constantly dig it out?! Oh wow...why don't you just save your self the trouble of digged and just wear boy short panties? If people only realized how serious I was right now. 
But not only that, I saw countless kids under the age of 10 walking around by themselves. Or with one friend who was close to or the same age as they are. SERIOUSLY?! I can assure you that your family is not immune to being prayed on by a kidnapper/pedophile. Where are their parents?! This is often how a lot of the above mentioned ignorance gets started. No legitimate guidance by parents. End of story. I can't continue talked about it, or I will really get mad, and it's too early to get mad.

And also, little ladies, there ARE some things that do NOT go with cowgirl boots. Like denim panties. And knee high purple socks. You can always tell the girls who don't wear boots on a regular basis. They're the ones who have on really high socks that you can see over the tops of their boots.

Here's my advice to any/and all of these people mentioned above: Grow up. Be an adult. Get some responsibility. Put on some damn clothes. Get a job. Be an upstanding citizen of our county, country. And to the parents: PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON YOUR KIDS!! AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS!
To the government: Seriously? Get your shit together. I'm tired of working my ass off for minimum wage, or barely over it in my case, so people such as these above can have every freaking thing in life they want/need handed to them. Can I write a letter to Obama?! Or whoever?! I need to. Somebody needs to do something. Ya know, when I heard they were going to drug test people who are getting government assistance, such as food stamps and/or medical card, I was ecstatic. That would mean so many more people wouldn't be mooching off the system. But then I found out it was only going to apply to new applicants. Ummm I think the problem lies in the current applicants as well, if not more so, my friend. For real. This is the ignorant things that they are doing to help make things more fair. Ummm no. I'm sorry, I'm all for trusting our government, or at least attempting to do so, but this stuff makes it hard. It also makes it really hard to trust that Obama has helped at all, and I voted for him and as of late have been seriously regretting that. I need something done that is going to effect us Joe Shmo's . As far as I can tell, nothing has been done to help me, my family, and/or anybody I know. Everybody needs to get their act together. This world is so messed up it's ridiculous.

I just don't even want to imagine what the world is going to look like, be like, when my son is my age.

As always, with Love & Laughter.
God Bless & Good Wishes.
:)

Meet my Maids!

Bridesmaids. Not, come clean my house maids....although, If I had some of those, I'd introduce you to them as well, maybe...I wouldn't want nobody to steal all my good help away...

I have 6 lovely ladies as my bridesmaids. Each has a different story behind how we met and why they're so awesome and just in all honesty, they're all so different....so, here goes...let's meet the lovely ladies!!!

Destany

Ahhh...Destany. My baby sister. I'd say little, but she's 7 inches and some centimeters taller than I am...so, Baby it is! I feel like I don't really need to go into the details of how we met...And I've talked about her in other posts...so there's honestly not much to say about her. Besides she's tall. And I hate her for that. But, I have someone to always reach tall shelves if I need something! But in all honesty, as much as we fight and try to kill each other and threaten each other, we do get along sometimes. More often than not, but sometimes we do. Late nights playing video games are the best with her. We're both just naturally funny. And smartasses to the extreme. Sometimes she worries me when she says off the wall stuff and is serious about it, like the time we were playing Jeopardy and her answer was "Spanish-Asian War"....Yeah...that is my sister. And yes, she is a blonde. lol. God love her little heart....

And yes, she makes this face a lot....<3

Angela

One of my "ride or die" girls. We went to High School together, but she graduated a year before me. Then met up again at UK and become good friends pretty quickly. She's always there to back me up and also to stop me from buying something I don't need. Which is also why I haven't been shopping in a long while...nobody stops me from spending money like she does. I can't say we've been through a lot, cause I'm not sure we have, but we have been there for each other when either one of us needed to rant about something (specifically me..cause, well, I rant often...). I can ride with her anywhere and not want to poke my brain out listening to her music, she actually has a legit taste in music, and while some of it I can't understand cause of the yelling and growling sounds...it sure as hell beats Justin Bieber. OMG! BEST THING EVER! She showed me how freaking amazing Raising Canes is. OMG. I will FOREVER be in her debt for that alone. But, she's one of the most sweet and caring people I've ever met, she looks like a push over at first glance, but doesn't take any shit. She's been over a her own fair share of obstacles in her life, and loves and cares for her family so much, it's insane. Her dedication to school, and being independent is thouroughly inspiring and she's so intelligent. I'm sure I will somehow become a crazy patient of hers when she becomes some big wig therapist or whatever. One of my favorite things about her though, is how she can be such a smart ass bitch sometimes, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it just cracks me up when she says something that I was thinking. Eh, just one more thing that I love about her. Oh, and I still can't pronounce her name right...I'm working on that....Oh, So I've heard great things about her new fellar. Seems to be a good guy, as long as my girl is happy and in love then I'm happy...I hope their wedding plans work out because Angela in a wedding dress is even more STUNNNNNNING! She should just wear them all the time, all casual like. Gorgeous.

Ah, Beautiful Angela. :) And btw, that's her natural hair color...It's freaking beautiful. <3 her.

Tracy

And yes, I just looked on facebook to see if I was spelling her name right...I always want to an "E" after the "C"...there isn't one! So, I call her Trae. Cause there is an "E" in that! Shew. Where to start. Of all 6 (not including Destany, and trust me, nobody does.), Me and Trae go the farthest back. When I took her dress to her a few weeks ago, She said "hey, you remember when we were like in middle school and said we'd be friends forever?" and I said "yeah?" and she said "well, look at us, we really have been!!" Then we both got teary eyed and all girly, and we just couldn't have that....so we talked about her beating D up at the hospital. So yeah. That's us. In a nutshell. Through thick and thin, this girl has had my back. And I've had hers. When I was 15 and found out I was pregnant, Trae read the test to me and held me when I cried. Then broke me out of school, took me to her sister who was working in a doctors office in lex to confirm it because at 15, two positive pregnancy tests just wasn't affirmation enough that I had a bun in the oven. She also let me basically live with her that whole summer and fed me Chicken Nuggets. And Spaghetti-o's. :) The things she did for me, I could never repay her for that if I tried. She also sang Brendon songs and read him the 3 little bears while he was in my belly....a lot. And Casey (her twin) and her threw me a baby shower and basically made sure I had everything I needed for him when he was born. Ah, I'm tearing up now. Lord. You just can't imagine what all she's done for me in the past however freaking many years. I'd like to say I've stood up with her and held her when she needed it, but I don't think I can. I would if she needed it. She's one of the few people in my life that I would probably sink into a deep depression if she left my life, as I would for all my girls. Trae is also one of my "ride or die" girls (and yes, I'm intentionally not saying "bitches" everytime I say this cause Casey P. will kill me....). It's amusing to me how alike Tracy and Angela are, but how they're so different. Same taste in music, same smart assy-ness, etc etc. But they're physically like night and day. Both equally as beautiful and intelligent, just so different. Anyways...back to Tracy...she's awesome. And get's my sense of humor and my immaturity. And my serious ranting. But she's also one of the most caring and compassionate people ever. I mean, she does something with Physical therapy at an old folks home...And she's fabulous at it, her most recent promotion proves that. When she told me about it, I literally just wanted to hug her and scream because I was so proud of her. Exceptionally proud. And as long as she's happy, I'm happy. Oh, and her new Boo...I like him...And I hope he sticks around. And yes I'm including this in here because if she reads this, then she'll see it and can't ignore it. :) ha Tracy Laron!! but anyways.....He's a doll. And just by the way he talked to her and looks at her, I hope what I saw and heard was legit. Cause if not...I'll hurt him. :) For real though...But she deserves a great guy, and I hope he is. Plus, he said hi to me at speedway AND remembered my name...so yeah, bonus points. ok...now her beautiful face....

There's two of her!!! lol. Isn't she purty?! ;)

Raushawnna

There really is no explaining Raushawnna. And I'm being so serious right now. We went to high school together, got a long fine, but became close friends at UK. Honestly, she has to be the funniest person I have ever met. And so sweet. She went with me to visit my mom in the hospital once when mom had a heart attack. I swear those nurses had to have thought mom was faking it because Raushawnna had her laughing so hard. There is no way I could go through my wedding without her there to make me laugh when I'm being utterly ridiculous about something, and God knows I will be. I can't list all these great memories I have of her, or all these great things we've done. There has been some pretty awesome and/or hilarious moments in our friendship, like the time we took Brendon to walmart on the LexTran buses at UK...oh yeah, that's a good one. But our friendship isn't about all that. It's like she watches over me, and I watch over her. In a way, I can't describe it. We understand and accept each other for all the strengths, weaknesses, and faults that the other one has. And that's all we really need, in a way. Lord, we're a complicated pairing of friends...good thing we're not getting married. All my girls see through my bullshit, and most often will call me on it, but Raushawnna doesn't care where we are, what it is, if bullshit falls out of my mouth she picks it up and slams it in my face and calls me out. Just like that. And more often than not, she's late. And I'm usually late. So, my wedding will more than likely start late. Whooo...go us. I will blame Raushawnna who will call me out and tell that it was me. So that will be a great start to my wedding festivites. But seriously, I know if I need someone to talk to, I can talk to her, and she knows that same. She's one of the strongest women I know, and has faith that is indescribably strong. It's amazing. <3 her.



She's pretty goofy. lol.



Tiffany

Ah, my hairstylist. :) And I'm so serious. One of the very few people I trust to do my hair and not scalp me. And that's saying a lot since I've recently banned everyone, including myself, from doing anything to my hair besides everyday styling. If I have a random hair question, I get a hold of her. She's like my hair's super hero. For real. And my poor hair needs saving often. But apart from all that, She's pretty awesome. Became friends in high school and just kept on keeping on with the friendship afterwards. I'm so proud of her getting through cosmetology school or whatever it's called, I have a horrible memory people....And not so I can have someone do my hair, but because she's done something for herself. She is also just as funny as the others, and another one of my girls who doesn't look at me like I'm stupid when I say something hilarious, she gets my humor, and loves my bitchiness. And I love hers as well. But theres two things that we both absolutely love to do...talk and gossip. I'm sure we could talk for hours about anybody and anything. Well, we actually did not too long ago, ran poor Brady to bed. :( She's probably the girliest girl out of all my girls. But I love her for that because I can get advice from her. And, she has an awesome taste in fashion and all that girly stuff. I guess I like her man, he's alright. Mainly he just sits and stares at us like we're freaks or something. I think we talk to fast for him. And I'm sure he's heard some stuff he wishes he hadn't. ;) And, I owe him Mountain Dew. I need to get on that. But, like I've said for all my other girls, as long as she's happy, I'm happy.

Look at how beautiful! I told you she had style!

 Brittany

Oh dear, where to even start at with her?! I can't even begin to describe her. She's one of my many baby cousins. I talk to her daily, and about everything. She's basically my rock, she keeps me grounded and makes sure I don't fly off into space. She talks me through just about everything and I do the same for her. We've entrusted so many secrets to each other, it's ridiculous. But I know that neither would ever utter a word about them to anyone. I can trust her with anything. As I could all the others as well. But Brittany and I have a different bond than myself and the others. I can't really explain it. And that says a lot cause I can explain almost anything. There's not much to say about our friendship really, just that I've got her and she has me.

AFTERTHOUGHTS

There is SO much more that I would LOVE to say about each of these women. But if I started saying it all, I'd never stop. I love them all so much and am so thankful that they're a part of my life in so many different ways. I'm truly blessed to be able to call each of them my friend. I'm also truly blessed to be able to have them standing beside me at my wedding and wouldn't have it any other way. I admit, I can't explain why I consider each one friends any further than what I've listed, and that may sound petty of me or whatever. But in reality, it's a beautiful thing, to be able to be friends with someone and NOT have to have a reason or explain the friendship. Each one has opened my heart, eyes and mind to so many different things in life and has shown me so many different personalities and introduced me to different people. I can just pick a reason, it's not like that. I don't NEED or HAVE to have a reason to be friends with them. And I love it. I love not having to have that explaination, not having to have a boundary to our friendships. It's truly amazing. And you may not understand what I'm talking about, or maybe you kind of do, but it's like loving someone and not knowing why. You just do. We just are. It's like people ask me why I love Josh, I can't answer that without writing a book, theres so many reasons why. But at the end of the day, I just do, there is no reasoning or explainations to love and friendships. And if you have to explain it, then theres a large possibility it's not real. I can not stress enough how thankful I am for these 6 women. All of which I could never repay for the things they've done for me, helped me through, or just listened to me vent. It's a priceless thing. I just hope that I'm just as good a friend to them as I consider them to be to me. These are just 6 of the very few people in this world that I trust with my life and my sons life. I know that if I needed them, they'd be there, and I for them. But even if we haven't spoken in MONTHS or even YEARS, we can meet up and hang out or just call/text and it's like not even an hour has passed since we've spoken. It's true what they say about "absence makes the heart grow fonder." That's how close we are. There's not lapse of time in between meet ups and conversations. I personally beleive that all friendships should be like this. If it were, the world would be a better place. I know my life has been better with them in it. And I thank God everyday for each one of them.

I love you 6.

And thank you all for being in my wedding and standing up with me.

Thank you for putting up with my random texts about random wedding stuff that probably didn't even pertain to you. Thank you for not causing me to be a Bridezilla. Thank you for telling me you love the dresses, even if you don't (and for saying you love future wedding stuff, even if you don't.). Thank you for NOT making me dance at my future bachelorette party, they don't know this yet, but I'm not dancing....honestly, there's way too much to thank them for. Just thank you for anything and everything that you've ever done for me and ever will do for me. And again, I love you.

With Love & Laughter.

and always, God Bless.

<3

All In Good Time

Well, it has been a long while since I posted a blog. I honestly have nothing much to talk about. I've been planning the wedding a little, and working a lot. That's it mostly. I have a few more days off the next few weeks, so I am going to try to blog more. Mainly for my sanity.

The past few weeks have resulted in flower girl dresses being ordered and delivered along with their tutu's and boots, all but one of the bridesmaids dresses being delivered to their rightful owners, invitations addressed and waiting on stamps (yes, this should have been done FOREVER ago....but I'm a slacker), I've read the entire trilogy of "Fifty Shades of Grey" and I highly reccommend it, as well as lots of little things here and there that don't amount to much.

However, there are a couple things I've discovered and/or had questions about that are insanely random and cause me to ramble on about nothing in particular...

Discovering Randomness

• Just because you see an awesome Pin on Pinterest about glowing bubbles does not mean that you as a person will be able to do that. The instructions said to cut open glow sticks and pour contents in to bubbles. I did this. And after about 3 seconds it started to all glom together and stop glowing. Not sure if I somehow did it wrong or if I just make things cease glowing. But I did follow the instructions to the best of my abilities. Pinterest should come with a warning of "attempt at your own risk", "not all pins verified"...etc..or Pinterest Insurance. Or something like that.
• I've discovered that my son thinks that my father should charge Josh for me...seriously. Dad said he didn't want to "give me away' at the wedding, cause he's a dad and I'm his baby girl, so Brendon Christopher said "soooo...why don't you make Josh pay you for her?!" Like I'm some kind of I don't know what...Silly boy. Dad was laughing too hard to explain it and I was too in shock to...But then dad says "well, maybe that's not such a bad idea...." between laughs. ugh. :/
• I read too much. I thought I'd never say that, but I do. I've read about 5 books in the past two weeks. I'm slightly impressed, and slightly mortified by that.
• Planning a wedding is hard. And I mean HARD! Maybe if we'd have had a longer amount of time, and/or a more bountiful budget it wouldn't have been so hard. But I'm getting to the "holy shit! I've still go so much to do and I'm sooo stressed....is the court house open tomorrow?!?" stage. But I'm also kind of thinking "eh, who cares? At the end of the day, I'm still marrying my man..." But then something happens (like we realize over half the return address labels and address labels don't have my address on them, just the city ((and not even the city I live in...)), state, and zip code on them.....after we've addressed, stuffed, and labeled all 150 of them...) and I get all calm and quite and say "It's fine." and Destany says "holy shit Shannon. It's NEVER good when you're THAT calm about something like this..." then she ran off. So, I may (or may not...) end up over at Eastern's insane asylum before too long...BUT I'll still be Mrs. Spencer...won't I?! WON'T I?!
• Life is hard. Like super hard. It's like that level of Mario World that you try to beat FOREVER and never can so you end up breaking down and throwing your good china and crying in the floor and begging God to "please. Oh, please just let me beat Bowser!!!" cause you can't beat it...well, maye that's not a good comparison, I MAY be the only person who does that...whatever. Anyways, you EVENTUALLY get through the hard stuff. And move on to harder stuff. Some things seem physically, mentally and emotionally unbearable and impossible to overcome...but you do. And that's what prayer is for. That's where God comes in and carries you. I think that was the whole plot of that Footprints story/poem anyways. But seriously, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It's, like, a quote or something...
• People are harder. And they make life harder. When you get older, get out of high school, flunk out of college; whatever your circumstances may be...you realize this. Some people literally never really get out of the whole high school drama phase. Even grown ass adults are gossiping and have fights on facebook. I'm to the point that I don't care anymore about facebook. I barely ever get on it, and when I do, I talk to family. It's an easy way to share photo's and updates with family who live farther away and even those that are close but not readily available when you need to tell them something. I can't count how many times I've went to post a long rant, and deleted it here recently. Not because I'm scared of who it will offend or whatever, just because I'm 22, about to be married and have no time for those people who assume every status that's posted is about them just because they have a guilty conscience. Not my problem that you can't admit all your faults...and it's not going to be either...no matter how much it pisses me off, makes me want to kick you in the shin (cause that's typically as high as I can kick somebody) and run, really makes me think you're disgusting...I'm not doing it. But, I am known for calling people out on their BS. And it's not because I'm mean. I just really hate when someone will stand there, or post on fb or twitter for that matter, and lie. Lie about the dumbest things EVER. Like people don't know the truth. I've come to the decision, subconsciously it seems, to post my rants on here instead of facebook and/or twitter. Nobody reads this anyways. Or at least as far as I know. And if I don't rant about it, and I prefer to rant via writing because people ask too many questions during my rants and I am ranting dang it! I dn't have time to give you a back story!, then it all will build up and when I do rant, I end up calling people out and making a scene and all kinds of craziness goes down.  I'll talk about this later on in the ranting department of this post....
• You can't always get what you want. And that's putting it lightly. I'm not sure what my problem is, but I can't settle on something that's not down to the last detail, exact replica, spot on what I want. Maybe it's just a woman, or human, thing. It takes forever. And I ask 100 people their opinions. And turn them all down. I should work on this.
• Speaking of this opinion thing...When someone asks me my opinion on something, or my thoughts or whatever, I give my honest opinion. But in reality they want to hear me say exactly what they want to hear or their own thoughts. No. That's not what "MY opinion is dammit!" Then they get mad at me and I'm automatically a bitch. I'm sorry, but hell no, hot pink, old timey, wild wild west dresses will NOT make cute bridesmaids dresses. I am sorry you have such horrible taste. But you asked for my opinion. I gave it. Now go pick out something suitable and more modern please.
• I'm pretty awesome. And that's an honest opinion stemming from opinions of some of my fellow human beings....I'm straight up, down to earth, funny when it's convenient, and I do what is needed, expected, and some. (most of the time...migraines take me out for the count sometimes...) I give without expecting a payback, I stand up when it's needed (both on a bus for elderly and for my own beliefs), I help others when I can, and I love with every cell in my being. Now, I don't love everybody, but those that I do, it's unconditional. I do hold some grudges, and I do dwell on the past, but I'm human. I do have SOME faults. Not many, and I'm never wrong, that''s not a fault I was born with. ;) I'm just kidding guys...I really am a very flawed person. Just like everyone else. Am I judegmental and judge others on their faults? Yes, when your fault is selling/pawning your babies toys for drugs? When your fault is being unfaithful to a man that loves you? Plus other things...I do judge you. Because that says more about you than anything.
• I am also pretty dysfunctional. I've really dwelled on this as of late. I'm not sure why really, but I have. My past is dysfunctional, I have more horror stories from as far back as I can remember that I havent told a soul, I'm sure my Joshie doesn't even know some of them. They're just too hard to discuss. Skeletons in my closet I guess. My family is dysfunctional to the nth degree. Don't get me wrong, I know whats right and what's wrong. I know how to live life, and do what's right, I know how a family is supposed to act and how they are supposed to treasure and cherish each other. And I do. But it's hard to show it. It's hard to trust people. I have a trusting issue and it takes a long while for me to trust people and I assume the worst more often than not. But in all reality, my disfunctionality comes out when I'm mad. I yell, I cuss, I scream at random things. And to make it worse? I. Can't. Stop. It. I've tried. I've broken it down and realized that the majority of that comes from the enviroment I grew up in. Not saying my parents or family is or were toxic. They're just different. And yelled a lot. Most often though, and this is the kicker, it was my dad and he usually had a very good reason as to why he was yelling. But, anyways, I'm working on the not yelling all the time thing...I'm not sure I've accomplished much. But I'm trying.
• I cuss. A freaking lot. I'm also working on this. It's a long battle.

Rant Department: Please take a #, & I'll be with you soon

Ya know what I hate? Hypocrites, liars, and just in general, people who are fake. Can't stand it. It drives me up the wall....

•   Very seldomly do I get on facebook and ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION to what is posted, especially pictures and such. Mostly because it takes forever for them to load and I'm extremely impatient, and also because I have a JOB and a SON whom I care for and constantly keeps me busy. So, I just got online on an actual computer and was scrolling through and saw pictures posted by young mothers. And no, this really isn't towards anyone specifically, more as a group...but where are your kids when you're out hanging with friends and stuff, and posting numerous pictures of you and your friends? I agree that everybody needs their "alone" time. But when you become a mother, you lose that. You don't get to hang out with friends anymore, you can't pawn your babies off on other people to go "have fun". I havent went out and "had fun" without my son in so long that I think if I were able to get the chance to do so, I wouldn't even know what to do!!! Here's my hint and words of wisdom for the day: IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOUR "ALONE" TIME AND TIME WITH FRIENDS, THEN PLEASE DO US ALL A FAVOR AND ALLOW YOUR LEGS TO BECOME THE BEST OF FRIENDS AND NEVER SPLIT UP!!! It saves those of us who are actually being MOMS the trouble of putting up with negative stereotypes that you seem so keen to hold on to and helped create in the first place. Please and Thank you. I'd say I'm sorry if this offends you, but honestly, if it does, then maybe you should take a LONG look at your life and figure out why it offends you. Maybe that will tell you something.
• I LOVE (note: use sarcastic tone here...) when girls (and yes, they're girls...just because you have a baby does NOT make you a woman.) post pictures of themselves going out and having fun...but their child is nowhere to be seen...then they'll talk about partying and hanging out and loving friends and what not...then a couple days (in some cases, hours) they'll post a picture of their baby or maybe just a status and talk about how the baby is their whole world and everything they do, they do for them...blah blah blah blah...bullshit. Seriously?! So going out multiple times a week, living it up with friends, not working, being a bum, and ALL that other crap is for your kid?! Well, I guess the fact that YOU'RE not raising him is a plus, so maybe it all is for them since they're being taken care of. I also love lazy moms who don't do anything for their kid...for real? Ya can't bathe em, can't feed em, can't dress, buy, shop, play or do anything for or with them? But you're an awesome mom and just love being a mom? Well hell, thanks for making my mothering job look like I'm overachieving. Oh, but in reality, I am. And I love when girls "let" their kids go stay with grandparents and greatgrandparents for weeks at a time (cause they really wanted them to come stay! yeah they did...they've had them all summer...literally ALL summer!) while they're out partying with friends and such. Really? Must be nice, I have to pay my parents to watch my son. Must be nice to just pawn your kid off on whoever will take them so you can have fun.
• But what REALLY gets me, what really gets down under my skin and burns...is when other people comment on statuses and pictures and talk about how great the "mom" is doing, and how they've matured, and how proud they are of them...blah blah...etc etc. No, you're not. You're just giving the attention that they crave. Why these people lie, I have no idea. Maybe they're just that dumb or gullible, I'm not sure, because I SERIOUSLY CAN NOT BE THE ONLY PERSON SEEING THROUGH THESE GIRLS' BULLSHIT!! Seriously, am I? You may be a great friend to this "mom" or cousin or whatever, but lying to them and pumping up their ego that's typically already over-inflated and telling them that crap isn't helping. It's only making them think that they've got everyone fooled, and that the tiny little effort they're putting in to being a parent is just enough. It's not. So stop it. Stop fooling yourself and them. You only make yourself look like an idiot by posting that stuff.
• Not only that...but a real mom doesn't need the wall posts, picture comments, status comments and all that to know that. I think maybe in the past year, I've been told maybe 6-8 times that I'm a good mom. Maybe. And the majority of those came from my cousin, and a couple other family members. I'm not sure that I remember my fiance telling me this, although he may have. And my family damn sure doesn't pride me on much, if anything. Yes, a couple people have told me I'm an awesome person and friend, but very seldomly do I hear "Wow, you're an awesome mom. You've matured so much these past years. I'm so proud of you." because the person that would have said all that to me on a regular basis passed away in 2002. And while it is great and wonderful to have people say that to me when they seldomly do, I don't need it. I don't need a hundred comments a month telling me I'm a good Momma. I don't need people texting me or telling me to my face I'm doing a good job and they're proud of me. Like I said, It'd be nice. But when people are CONSTANTLY telling you something, it starts to get fishy, and I start to doubt stuff. I know I'm a good mother because my happy, healthy, spoiled rotten, precious little angel tells me I am. And that's all the reassurance I need.
• Now, onto guilty consciences. ha. Seriously, had I posted a rant like the above one to facebook, I can tell you EXACTLY who would have wrote me, commented, called/texted me, or told someone that I was talking about them. And maybe I was. But if your conscience is THAT guilty that you have to ask if it is or tell someone you know that "omg! I know Shannon's status is about me!" then maybe you should think about that. If you're conscience is that guilty that an off the collar rant/comment makes you mad and you're not tagged in it...then re-evaluate your life and decisions, because obviously you're doing whatever it was that I was talking about...Just sayin'...
• Hypocrites. Oh darling hypocrites. You make me laugh. Example: someone posting something or saying something about how they HATE when people take longer breaks than what they're supposed to....or something else like that. It takes a LOT of my self control to not comment and say something like "oh really?! I thought you'd like it since you take 10 minute breaks quite often and are gone to pay your bills for like 45 minutes?! Makes me being 5 minutes late on my 30 seem kind of petty, don't it?" But I don't...But I do want to. But that's just an example. Referring back to the "mom's" of facebook posts...when they talk about how young moms need to worry about their babies and not be worried about parying and stuff..."ummm, hello Pot, it's Kettle, and I'm calling to tell you you're black..."

Basically, to sum this all up...People hate to hear the truth, therefore most would rather let lies cross their lips than to just tell the truth..no matter the situation. I'm awesome. And shitty young moms piss me off, as well as other people.
And, I'm done ranting and raving for now...I seriously need to do a "How to Raise a Redneck, Pt. 2" soon. I've discovered 1 or 2 other things to add to the list.
I also need to finish wedding stuff soon...I mean, we've only got like 58 days left...I'm slacking bad.
But! on a brighter note, we now have a standard sized Yorkie that someone gave us! He's cute! Well, he was..then I gave him a hair cut with scissors and now his ugly, choppy hair style makes him so ugly he's cute. I never claimed to be a hair dresser or dog groomer...so now that I know that I suck at it, I guess I can add that to my short list of faults...right? ;)
OH!! Josh and I have settled on going to Cali for our honeymoon!!! So excited! Can't wait. I'm hoping to talk him into renting a convertible top car when we get there...just because you always see people in them in the movies! Hahaha. I'm such a girl. But I am thrilled, and can't wait to go on this next adventure with my bestfriend and favorite man (hint: they're the same people! ;)) I love him so. My darling Joshie. It's funny that we've actually got stuff planned out to do. He wants to see those big trees...Red woods?! I don't remember...and I want to see Alcatraz. But other than that I want to lounge around with him, and drink and be relaxed. But he's a "gotta stay moving" type of guy, so we'll see. I'll have to post pictures throughout and after our honeymoon. :)
Now I must head to bed. I have things to accomplish tomorrow!

As always, with Love & Laughter
and a God Bless <3

LaShannon Lynn Holder (soon to be Holder-Spencer, although he's fighting me for that hyphen!!!) ;)

A Rant about Randomness...

I like to rant...I like to go off and throw a hissy fit every now and then. I try not to do it too often, because I usually end up hurting someone's feelings and/or making someone mad. It's a predicament that I find myself in often believe it or not.

People tend to call me a bitch, and I'm ok with that. I can be at times, I know this. But in reality, most people just can't handle the truth. Especially about themselves. I'm not perfect, God knows I have flaws, but I don't pretend I am either. And I don't do any of the stupid things that I'm about to rant about....

If you read this and disagree with me, start to hate me, whatever it is...please feel free to contact me either via fb, or my phone if you have my number, I'll gladly have a talk with you about this. But remember, I'm not pointing out any names, so what exactly do you have a guilty conscience about? ;)

Airing your dirty laundry, then getting mad cause someone see's your bloomers...

Ok people, understand this: if you post something on facebook/twitter/any other social networking site, anybody can read it. Literally, ANYBODY. So, when you do this a lot and then post a controversial status, or say something about someone or whatever, and someone says something in return that would be considered "calling you out" on your BS; you CAN'T say "mind your own business!!". You just can't. One, it makes you look incredicly ignorant when you say this when posting on a status of your own, because obviously if YOU posted online about it and people are reading it...how is it just YOUR business anymore? It's not. Two, seriously?! You can't keep "your business" to YOURself when it's on the internet. It's like posting something and then saying "omg, but don't tell anyone about this, k? It's on the DL and is a super big secret!!" No. President Obama can now read that status and realize that he REALLY should do something with the education system that would help raise levels of common sense.

"I bet you think my status is about you. Don't you...Don't you"

Oh social networking...how you betray us. Not. Even though a vast majority of the human race thinks the other vast majority is ignorant...that is not the case. Humans are extremely intelligent people...for the most part...and when they're not being prodded by a guilty conscience.
Let me give an example. Lets say that I update my status, or tweet, and say something along the lines of "OMG! I am so fed up with skank all over my newsfeed! Constantly posting duck face pics! (I'll talk about THAT later)Ugh..."...I bet that at least half the girls in my friends list will automatically assume that I'm talking about them. (by the way, I hide people who post duck face pictures all the freaking time...so, no, I won't have to make a status about that.) And so then they'll commence to "subposting" about me or ranting about me, or whatever it is. But honestly, why would ANYBODY elses status that you are not tagged in make you assume that it's about you? If your name is in it, then fine, get mad. But if it's not, shut up. You may think everybody has nothing else to do but talk about you, but really they do. If your conscience is THAT warped that you can take a simple status and make it about you, then you seriously need to get some therapy. If I have something to say about you, and only you, I WILL tell you. Don't bother reading too deep into my statuses to try to decipher how I am including you in it. If I do post a status such as the one above, I am almost 98% of the time talking about a wide group of people, not one specific person. Except that one time, that one time, EVERYONE knew who I was talking about...I admit that time. But she was being a butt, and I was giving her a taste of her own immature medicine. I actually kinda regret that...I said kinda. 
Anyways, so, people, Facebook doesn't not revolve around you and your life. Stop assuming it does. Ya know what they say assuming does, don't ya? It makes an ASS out of U and ME! Seriously.
But that's not all folks!! For the people who CONSTANTLY are subposting and subtweeting: grow up. Grow a pair, and tell that back stabbing ex best friend, or that homewrecking ho, OR that worthless man, EXACTLY how you feel. Write it on their wall or message them for Pete's sake! Or, you know, you could just shut up about it.

Teen wife?

No, I'm not against younger couples getting married. Do what you want. What I AM against is people (ESPECIALLY the young girls) getting on facebook/twitter and complaining. I mean, I have NEVER heard so many ignorant complaints in my life. They're either "too bored", "don't have any friends", "husband works too much", "husband cheats too much"...wait, what?! Yeah. A complaint. I hate seeing these girls complain all day online about all that is "wrong" with their lives..but don't clean, don't cook supper, and if they have kids they're usually dirty and/or running wild and/or suprisingly uneducated to have had a stay at home parent for that long. If I was your husband, I'd cheat too. I'm serious. How can you NOT expect the man to look for something better?! Yes, he should be a man and just break it off...but some "men" aren't really men, now are they?
If you don't work and your husband does, then these are the basic rules to your life in my opinion: 1) supper, on the table at supper time. 2) grow the F up. 3) don't have friends? well you're online all day, find some. 4) your house should be as close to perfectly clean as humanly possible. 5) your kids should be clean, and should know more going into Kindergarten than most preschoolers. Seriously? What else are you spending all of that valuable time on? Oh yeah...duck face pictures and internet drama...If you are grown enough to get married and/or have kids...at least act like it while online. Also, you should NEVER be bored!! How can you be?! And IF for some insane reason you are, GET A JOB! Or at least a hobby that DOESN'T involve facebook.

If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck...it's a duck.
Casey Puckett...you may want to just skip right on ahead..I'm about to say that "W" word you don't like...a lot. Just warning ya...

Honestly, I don't care if you're a hoochie, a skank, a slut, a full fledged prostitue, or if you're just a whore. I don't. But if you are, and your legs haven't been reunited since you were like 13, then own it. For real. I get so annoyed when a girl will talk about how she scrogged all these guys and did this and did that, but omg if someone calls her a whore! She flips out, want's to kill you right then and there. And I'm standing there thinking "wow...guilty conscience much?!" If you sleep around, then fine, you sleep around. I'll try to refer to you as a "sleep arounder". But if you sleep around in a small town such as ours, then know this: EVERYBODY KNOWS HO! I am NOT kidding. Everybody knows that you made whoopee with the whole football team. Nobody really cares. People just have something to annoy you with now. They know it will piss you off, so they're going to harass you. How about the next time someone calls you a who..errr..."sleep arounder", instead of going off about it, how about you just say "yup, that's me." or "happens to the best of us sometimes..." and go on with your life? OR be an adult, and say "heck yeah! all day, everyday baby!!" I honestly will have more respect for a person who will admit to that, or something similar. If that's who you are, that's who you are. No, I don't particularly agree with it, but who am I to judge. I mean, I'm not going to be sharing a bottle of water with you from now on or anything...but still. I respect that you're not ashamed of your life and know who you are as a person...even if half of our home town does too.

Oh cool...So you know my imaginary friend Bob as well, huh?! Awesome...

Some people in this world lie about THE most ignorant stuff. I mean, if you shot a man and lied about that, that's halfway normal...but to lie about who you know and who you don't? Commmme onnnn...get outta here. Seriously, leave...now. It's insane and one of the dumbest things I've heard. People who lie about being "super best buddies" with other people. Especially if the person they're telling this lie to has ALSO said that they're super best buddies with that other person as well. But yet, the liar continues to say that they're close to that other person...why? I mean, how do you know that the person you're lying to doesn't know that other person?! You don't! Yes, they could be lying as well...but what if they're not? And they text the "super best buddy" and ask them why they didn't know ya'll were friends? and super best buddy is like "what?! That skank?! heck no!" where does that leave you at? Besides hunting for a fire extinguisher because your pants are on fire?!
And speaking of people lying about dumb stuff. Let's talk about people lying about drama!! For instance Sue has beef with Ann. Fine. But Sue has been telling everybody and their brother that Ann has been blowing up her phone and fb and finding out info on her and allllll kinds of nonsense stuff...I'd say they're still in highschool, but who'd believe me, what with all these 30 year olds doing this crap....anyways back to the story...So Sue's pissed. Rightfully so. So she gets on this thing about creeping on Ann's fb and lord knows what else..ya know, just to make sure Ann ain't runnin her trap! But instead of telling people that SHE saw that Ann said that "Sue is a ho.", she tells people that her cousin/friend/dog saw it instead...Why? Why drag innocent people..and apparently animals as well...into YOUR drama?! That YOU no doubt, and more than likely (I mean...You ARE a ho...Ann said so...) caused and brought upon YOURself. I have NEVER understood that. Ever. If your dog really did hear/see that Ann said that and told you...FIIIINNNNEEEE...so be it. But if I ask that dog and it says no, or nothing for that matter, I'm NEVER going to believe anything that comes out of your mouth again. If you're willing to MAKE UP a lie THAT dumb, what else are you lying about?!?!

Money don't grow on trees! Well, yeah, it kind of really does...

I am broke. Legitimately broke. I have maybe $5 in the bank and maybe $1 in change in my purse. I live pay check to pay check, and really have no spare money for luxuries. I'm not fond of that...but it's life, and I believe that God will bless me later with a better job. (Puhhhleaseeee?!?!)
Now, with that being said...I can not stand when people go on and on and on about being broke, both on facebook/twitter AND in person, but turn right around and get their nails done, go tan, or go out with friends. I'm sorry, but I'm broke and I barely half enough money to put gas in my car. So please, honey, explain to ME how I can get to be the kind of broke that you are?! Cause obviously we've been reading that definition out of two COMPLETELY different dictionaries.

Oh, so you're country and you wear THAT to work the "farm" everyday?!

I'm not entirely sure who's idea it was that redneck/country girls wear short shorts and boots all the time...but it's a lie. And a pretty dumb one at that. If you are one of those girls who go out and act like you're country and/or redneck in panties made from old blue jeans and old boots, then you, ma'am, have been watching wayyyyy too much TV. How is that even logical?! As far as I was concerned, real country girls worked on the farm all the time, how is shorts that short and boots going to be a good work outfit?! I mean, you're walking through hay fields and spreading manure and all kinds of stuff. THAT's how I know you're not as country as you put on, darlin'. Now please, go back to the corner you've obviously been apprenticing at.

I am not dancing on a pole, please refrain from throwing your money at me

People in this world are rude. I have NEVER been as rude to people as I've had people be rude to me. It drives me up the wall...and pisses me off. People who throw their money on the counter instead of placing it nicely in the hand that is held out for it...People who talk down their noses to you...People who talk to you like you're stupid just because you work in fast food or any place other than somewhere behind a desk...Those people who get mad at you when THEY messed up their own order, or changed their minds, or weren't paying attention when you repeated it back to them...those people who need their phones surgically attached to their ears...all of those people are horrible, horrible people. I HATE when they come into Berrymans! Every single one of you reading this know EXACTLY what kind of people I am talking about. Those people who obviously have good paying jobs, and/or have NEVER had to work a minimum wage job (or possibly ANY job) in their entire life, so they think they're better than you because you don't make more than $6,000 a year. Those people who talk really slow and pause until you ask "is that all?" after single thing because you asked if it was ketchup or mustard that they wanted on their burger. Those people who give you their order, then change 5 things on it, then change 5 more when they get to the window (or talk really fast or low at the speaker), and then freak out and treat you like a dog because you put lettuce on their burger. Those people in the previous statement also apply to this one as well: those people who are talking on their cell phones at the speaker and/or window, and don't answer you when you say "how may I help you?" and after you repeat it 5 times they'll tell the person on the phone to "HOLD ON! I've GOT to give my order..." like you're interrupting something important. Which it may be...but why are you carrying on a important phone call in a fast food drive thru?! It's like "oh hey honey...uh huh...yep we're having...oh, shit, I have to order my food!!!.............twins!!!" Yeah, maybe you should take your personal calls elsewhere. Although, sometimes it's entertaining when we can hear them talking about people. But it's annoying when they get to the window, realize their order was wrong, even though you repeatd it to them multiple times...they just HAD to tell Sue what Ann said at the Country Club, so, they weren't paying attention. I mean, you ARE lower than them...right?! No, no I am not. And frankly, I wish just one time I could tell people like this how ignorant they are, and WHY I AM soooo much better than THEY are! Or, go into their place of business and treat them like they've treated me. Also, why the hell would a person want to piss off the person handling their food?! I promise you, THAT is THE last thing I want to do!!

"Yeah, so we were...." "OMG! I used to be sooooooo thin!!"..."What?!"

Everybody has that one friend, or knows that one person who interupts sane conversations between others to randomly blurt out something about themselves to get the attention back to them. You hate them don't you?! Yeah, I do too. And most of the time, they say the same damn things. "I used to be so thin..", "wow...I gained allll this weight since I've been with so and so...", "omg! my this top is making my HUGE boobs fall out!! ugh...", "oh man, I just can't sit comfortably with what I'm packing...ouch man..."...blah blah blah...bullshit. Whats funny about this person, is that it's almost 99% all lies. I'm not even kidding. Especially if you've known this person for a long period of time and know that they've NEVER been that tiny size they said they used to be...or you live(lived) together and washed their clothes and KNOW for a fact that their bra is not what they claim it to be...or that they were bigger BEFORE they started this current relationship...or maybe you're a "sleep arounder" and know old dude isn't packing. Whatever the case may be, they're usually lying. More often than not, they're lying to a: get the attention back to them because they strive for it and get jealous when it's on someone else and/or they can't contribute intelligently to the current ongoing conversation. b:make themselves look better than the surrounding people. c:to brag...this also, goes with B. And they'll insert their random comments of stupidity anywhere...it doesn't even have to relate to the conversation at hand! Something I have learned about these people and why they do this; is that they HAVE to HAVE people paying attention to them. And that they usually will repeat some of the same things when they do this. Mainly it's because those are the things that they have either lied about before, so they have to repeat the lie they said to keep it straight; those are also the things that usually gets peoples attention; and most of the time, it's because they are trying to convince themselves that these lies are true. They know they're lies, and are more than likely self concious about something pertaining to the lies, but have to bring them up or else they will "remember" they're lies and stop believing them. I would really like to feel bad for them, but honestly, I can't because I can never finish a damn story around them without them blurting in something about themselves that's not even relevant! Plus, it's pathetic that people actually have to convince themselves that their lies are true. I guess if you believe it, than it's real..right? No, because you might still believe in Santa...and there ain't gonna be no man in a red velourish suit coming to give you anything for free anytime soon!!Well, I guess if you're a prostitute there might be...But I bet his name ain't Santa!

Snitches get stitches...or so I've heard...

When I was growing up, my family always taught the kids that tattle telling was bad. You didn't tattle on someone unless they did something really bad. Awesome, Kid 101, gotcha. Well, apparently it's different when you're an adult. I don't think I've ever met a child that tattles as much as most adults do. And I'm not even exaggerating. It has to be one of my top pet peeves. Now, before I go any farther...let me explain this to you. I am in no way saying that if you witness someone murder someone else, that you shouldn't tell. You really should. Because that's not very nice and also because you could go to jail as well. I'm saying that if I say "shit", everybody around me doesn't need to go tell my mom or someone else that I said it. Unless, I said "oh shit" and then passed out or something..by all means, run and tell! I can't stand a person who has to go tell a parent, an in law, a BOSS, every single thing that is done. To make matters worse, they usually blame it on others, never get in trouble (there's usually only one or two that most people are around daily, or that they work with) because they're obviously NOT going to rat themselves out, and get so pissed off when someone either calls them out on being a rat, or rats on them. They usually do worse stuff too. Not always, but a lot of the time they do. It's like being in high school all over again with all the drama and snitching. I believe I missed the "Adult tattle-telling, advanced. 101" class. I haven't quite figured out why these people are like that, but it's one of the most immature and pathetic things ever. I'm a grown ass woman. I take care of myself and tie my own shoes. I don't need someone running to some family member and telling them every single thing I do, especially if it's "bad". You're a grown ass adult, you may not take care of yourself or tie your own shoes, but legally, you're an adult. How about you worry about why you can't take care of yourself, and let ME worry about MY own awesomeness. I'm sorry you're obviously jealous of me, but tattling on me and trying to get me in trouble really just makes me want to punch you.

Honey, I think your invisibility cloak is broken...I can see you talking about me...

Since we're on the topic of tattle tales, lets discuss two faced people. Not really the same thing, but kind of is. You know those people. Those are the people who are just so happy to see you, and talk to you, and just act like ya'll are two peas in a pod. Then comes in another person. A co-worker, a mutual friend, etc. Then all of a sudden the first person doesn't really like you anymore. Neither of them talk to you, neither of them pay any attention to you unless you ask them a direct question. Then they'll disappear and go huddle up together for a minute giggling and whispering. Then, they'll glance at you while they're in their little huddle of gossip. And that's when you know that the secret topic at hand, is you. I always like to kind of sneak up on these huddles and say "oh, whatcha talking about in there?! Can I join?!"...scares the crap out of them. These are also the same people who stop talking if they see you approaching, but start up again once you're a sage distance away. Lovely. You know what I'm talking about, this has happened to every person alive, usually in elementary/middle school though. It's amusing to me honestly. Because, I don't care. They think I do. But in all reality, I don't. I have other things on my mind. But the thing that gets me, and pisses me off, is that they act like they're not doing it. If you confront them, then they either get pissy with you about it or say something smart assy. I'm usually just like "honey, I was standing right there, hiding from you hiding...and listening. It's ok that you hate me...cause obviously I've left enough of an impression that you're constantly thinking about me..." I bet people pushed them down and took their lunch money in school...and then huddled up and whispered about them in the corner!!! Ooooooooohhh, burn....Am I immature enough for your clique now?!

Duck....Duck....Duck...GOOSE!! Oh, wait, no, that's a "derp" face...

Oh. Em. Gee...I have had enough of this whole kissy lips/duck face fad. If every picture you take has you in it, making that stupid face, please go bust every camera you have and save the world from the ignorance of your lips. Please..do it now...I'll wait........
Thank you...
Anyways, I'm not sure who first came up with this face, but I'm sure Donald Duck does not appreciate posers. It's an incredibly dumb face. You don't really look like that!!!! So why make that face in EVERY, yes ALL 400 you post a day of you making said face and doing the same 5 poses in 6 different outfits over and over and over again, picture you take?! If you are not in face a DUCK!, or kissing someone...then there is NO reason for you to make that face...ever. And if you're a guy who finds that mess attractive, maybe you should get some therapy about your duck infatuation...
And the "derp" face...how I understand it, it's a face a girl makes that is kinda like the duck face with less duck lips..and more dumb/ditzy girl. Think wide unintelligent eyes, and mouth making a "oh geez! did I do that?!" shape....all innocent like...only a toddler can pull that off! After age 7, that shit don't work anymore. And for the guys who think that's "sexii az hellll"...congratulations...dateline will be knocking on your door sometime in the future, since you find that "innocent little girl" look so attractive. What happened to SMILING in pictures?! Is it THAT overrated now?! When you all look back on these pictures with your grandkids, they'll constantly ask you why you wanted to be a dumb duck for so long...

CEASE RANT!!

There are soooo many other things I could rant, rave, and poke fun at...but it's 2:30 am, and I am tired. So another night. ;)


Love & Laughter, Always.
& God Bless.
<3
:)

A little of this, & a little of that...approximately.

I think I'm out of "witty" post titles. That, or I'm just not in a very "witty" mood today. Or maybe, I'm just not that witty...naw, that can't be it.

I've been slacking in my blogger duties. In case I do have some followers, and in case they have missed me. Honestly, I'm not 100% sure how to check that. But, I don't think I really care if I have followers or not, I just like to have a place to rant and rave and talk about myself/whats going on in my life.

Once again, I've been super busy. Work and T-Ball have taken up the majority of my time the past few weeks and now that the latter is over (wish it was the former, but my baby has gotta eat!!!), I have a little bit more free time. Which, at work we are training new people. Yeah, you know how that goes...
Not to mention planning my (or is it "our"?) wedding and a whole bunch of other stuff...wanna hear bout it? Yes you do?! Awesome sauce, cause I wanna talk about it...

all is NOT fair in Love & Cancer...
So, if you've read some of my posts, I hope you read my "Cancer is a Bitch" rant. It's one of my favorites, and I'm not sure why. If you've read it, then you know what I think about it and how upsetting it is to me. Well, I had mentioned my great Uncle Richard in it and how he had been diagnosed with a form of throat cancer. Apparently it is a very aggresive and fast moving cancer, because a few days to a week ago he was admitted to the Markey Cancer Center for almost a week. I didn't even find out that he was there until he had been there about 3-4 days. Saturday night they called in the family and said they didn't think he would live through the day, let alone the night. But he did. Sunday at church I raised my hand for the first time in 4 years and asked for prayers for him, I almost broke down before I even started and full on talking through tears by the end. Today, my Uncle came home. Which would sounds like fabulous news, but it's not. They've basically sent him home to die. Yes, that's a little crass, but it's ultimately the truth. This morning they told him, and some of the family that were able to be there, that he had about two weeks to live. Which, it's hard to believe that because I'm sure he plans to live a little longer than that just to spite the doctors, he's good at that stuff. So, they sent him home with hospice. (is that how it's worded? because when I think "sent home with hospice", I think that the patient is sent home with someone named hospice...not how it's really meant.) I went to visit him today and to take him his wedding invitation. I took him his invite because I wanted him to know that I was thinking of him and because the last conversation we had was him telling me that my wedding day is the day he gave his life to the Lord a year ago. (and of course, I'm crying now...ugh.) I just felt that I needed to take it up there. So, I did. But it took me almost an hour to gather up the courage to go inside. And once inside, I could barely talk to him because I didn't know what to say. Which is something that RARELY happens to me. All I wanted to do was cry and beg and pray that the Lord would spare him. Plus he looked to be sleeping, despite the fact that when I walked in he lifted his hand a little and waved. I went to the dining room/kitchen and talked to some of the family for a little while. Then he started coughing and someone said he had to drink some "syrup" (I have no idea what it is either...but now that I think about it, they could have meant cough syrup. That seems logical). He did not want to drink it. And I'm not sure if he even did. So when he told Judy that he didn't want it, I had walked over to his recliner beside him and Judy. She got up and patted the arm and told me to sit down and talk to him for a minute. I couldn't sit because I was honestly scared that it would flip over. So I kneeled beside it and asked him if he was being difficult. He said "no". It was so hard to hear him. And he could barely hear me so I had to talk loud and felt like I was yelling. I replied with "Now, I find that hard to believe Uncle Richard"...and he kind of chuckled. So I said "I love you" and he said it back. Then, I had to leave because I honestly was about to lose it. Literally one of THE strongest men I've ever knew, was almsot too weak to talk. THE man who I learned almost everyone of the cuss words I use so fondly today from while he yelled them at his cows, could barely whisper. What kills me about cancer is that it doesn't just end in death on most occasions, it changes the people you love into mere shells of themselves. These next two weeks, or however long he does live, won't be completing a "bucket list" or "living it up" like a lot of cancer patients get to do. He'll more than likely be laying in his recliner barely able to move his hand. When you feel the need to say "I love you" every single time you pass by a person, just in case they forget that you do or because you're so scared that that will be the last time you'll see them alive, it's heart breaking. There are very few things more devastating than watching someone you love battle cancer, and not knowing when that battle will end, nor who the victor will be. *Prayers are extremely appreciated right now for my Uncle Richard Barnes, and also for the family to be able to remain strong and united throughout this ordeal. Thank you so very very much. And God Bless each and every one of you.*

and everything else...
Honestly, I wanted to post a rant right here about some things that I've seen and read about and all sorts of other stuff...but, I can't. I don't have the heart right now to get all bitchy and lay it all out on the line. I'm tired. And emotional. And I guess you could say that I have other things to worry about as well, even though it would help me get the other stuff off my mind. It's going to be a very long next couple weeks, I can already tell. I am NOT looking forward to any of it.
I was also going to do another blog post about my bridesmaids and talk about each of them...but, I'm afraid I won't be able to be all happy and cheerful and talk about how awesome all 6 of them are. Therefore, I wouldn't be able to do their personalities and greatness justice. I don't want to ruin that post for them, or my readers, or myself. But, I do love you girls. Even though I'm sure none of you read this...(excluding Brittany).
Wedding News:: Well, a LOT of the things that I have ordered have came in....and are literally just chilling in boxes at the crowded, piled up, "I don't know wtf that is?!" foot of my bed...seriously. I say that everytime I have to dive into it to get to the bottom of it where my shoes have taken refuge. I'm not sure what I really thought was going to happen when I ordered this stuff...I guess I thought they'd bring it in, open it, put it in it's proper spot, dispose of the trash/boxes, and leave. They didn't do ANY of that. Am I allowed to complain to FedEx and UPS?!  But, I have found flower girls. Can't find any reasonably priced boots for them though, which is getting ready to start pissing me off. I can't pay $80 for two pairs of 6 inch long boots?! That's crazy talk!! Anyways, I'm getting closer to getting married. 88 days away now. And seriously, that seems like a lot, but it's really not. I'm getting closer to the point of "Pre-Wedding Psychotic Breakdown". For reals. And I'm sure my dress and theme will not go well with a Hannibal Lector imitation mask, straight jacket, and me being strapped to a dolley....I mean, if Josh isn't willing to be "delivered" to me at the altar by his groomsmen to the song "signed, sealed, delivered", then why should I do that?! Sheesh.

Brendon News::  Well, T-Ball is over, and they didn't win the championship. But Brendon still got a medal as a award. He's extremely content with that and isn't as competitive as I am so, he doesn't care really. The last game he did amazingly well, I was really super proud of him. I always am, but this game he hit the ball really far and managed to get 3 people out at home base (he plays hind catcher the majority of the time). Also, in all things related to Brendon, he has two loose teeth. One of which I am pretty sure is the one tooth that doesn't have a replacement permanent tooth. The dentist told us to be careful with it and all kinds of other seemingly impossible things. I'm like "really lady?! He's 6!! And is a really rough and tumble active kid! Be careful with teeth?! Get real Bozo."..This may turn out to be interesting, and/or a nuisance. Brendon has also learned to ride his big boy bike!! All by himself too! I was insanely proud of him when he showed me that he could ride it! Especially since he never would ride his bike with training wheels. Apparently, according to my dad anyways, I refused to ride one with training wheels as well. Now, he's literally hell on wheels...yay...note the sarcasm in that? yeahhhh....

Well, I must get to bed now. My eyes are already going to be all puffy and red in the morning from todays water works, better not add dark circles to them as well. Plus, Brendon and I are going to the movies bright and early in the morning. Our local movie theater has "free kids movie day" every Wednesday of June and July. Tomorrow they are showing "Bee Movie". If we don't sleep in too late, then we are going to see it.

As always, with Love & Laughter (and a few tears to mix it up)
God Bless.
<3