The past few weeks have resulted in flower girl dresses being ordered and delivered along with their tutu's and boots, all but one of the bridesmaids dresses being delivered to their rightful owners, invitations addressed and waiting on stamps (yes, this should have been done FOREVER ago....but I'm a slacker), I've read the entire trilogy of "Fifty Shades of Grey" and I highly reccommend it, as well as lots of little things here and there that don't amount to much.
However, there are a couple things I've discovered and/or had questions about that are insanely random and cause me to ramble on about nothing in particular...
Discovering Randomness
- Just because you see an awesome Pin on Pinterest about glowing bubbles does not mean that you as a person will be able to do that. The instructions said to cut open glow sticks and pour contents in to bubbles. I did this. And after about 3 seconds it started to all glom together and stop glowing. Not sure if I somehow did it wrong or if I just make things cease glowing. But I did follow the instructions to the best of my abilities. Pinterest should come with a warning of "attempt at your own risk", "not all pins verified"...etc..or Pinterest Insurance. Or something like that.
- I've discovered that my son thinks that my father should charge Josh for me...seriously. Dad said he didn't want to "give me away' at the wedding, cause he's a dad and I'm his baby girl, so Brendon Christopher said "soooo...why don't you make Josh pay you for her?!" Like I'm some kind of I don't know what...Silly boy. Dad was laughing too hard to explain it and I was too in shock to...But then dad says "well, maybe that's not such a bad idea...." between laughs. ugh. :/
- I read too much. I thought I'd never say that, but I do. I've read about 5 books in the past two weeks. I'm slightly impressed, and slightly mortified by that.
- Planning a wedding is hard. And I mean HARD! Maybe if we'd have had a longer amount of time, and/or a more bountiful budget it wouldn't have been so hard. But I'm getting to the "holy shit! I've still go so much to do and I'm sooo stressed....is the court house open tomorrow?!?" stage. But I'm also kind of thinking "eh, who cares? At the end of the day, I'm still marrying my man..." But then something happens (like we realize over half the return address labels and address labels don't have my address on them, just the city ((and not even the city I live in...)), state, and zip code on them.....after we've addressed, stuffed, and labeled all 150 of them...) and I get all calm and quite and say "It's fine." and Destany says "holy shit Shannon. It's NEVER good when you're THAT calm about something like this..." then she ran off. So, I may (or may not...) end up over at Eastern's insane asylum before too long...BUT I'll still be Mrs. Spencer...won't I?! WON'T I?!
- Life is hard. Like super hard. It's like that level of Mario World that you try to beat FOREVER and never can so you end up breaking down and throwing your good china and crying in the floor and begging God to "please. Oh, please just let me beat Bowser!!!" cause you can't beat it...well, maye that's not a good comparison, I MAY be the only person who does that...whatever. Anyways, you EVENTUALLY get through the hard stuff. And move on to harder stuff. Some things seem physically, mentally and emotionally unbearable and impossible to overcome...but you do. And that's what prayer is for. That's where God comes in and carries you. I think that was the whole plot of that Footprints story/poem anyways. But seriously, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It's, like, a quote or something...
- People are harder. And they make life harder. When you get older, get out of high school, flunk out of college; whatever your circumstances may be...you realize this. Some people literally never really get out of the whole high school drama phase. Even grown ass adults are gossiping and have fights on facebook. I'm to the point that I don't care anymore about facebook. I barely ever get on it, and when I do, I talk to family. It's an easy way to share photo's and updates with family who live farther away and even those that are close but not readily available when you need to tell them something. I can't count how many times I've went to post a long rant, and deleted it here recently. Not because I'm scared of who it will offend or whatever, just because I'm 22, about to be married and have no time for those people who assume every status that's posted is about them just because they have a guilty conscience. Not my problem that you can't admit all your faults...and it's not going to be either...no matter how much it pisses me off, makes me want to kick you in the shin (cause that's typically as high as I can kick somebody) and run, really makes me think you're disgusting...I'm not doing it. But, I am known for calling people out on their BS. And it's not because I'm mean. I just really hate when someone will stand there, or post on fb or twitter for that matter, and lie. Lie about the dumbest things EVER. Like people don't know the truth. I've come to the decision, subconsciously it seems, to post my rants on here instead of facebook and/or twitter. Nobody reads this anyways. Or at least as far as I know. And if I don't rant about it, and I prefer to rant via writing because people ask too many questions during my rants and I am ranting dang it! I dn't have time to give you a back story!, then it all will build up and when I do rant, I end up calling people out and making a scene and all kinds of craziness goes down. I'll talk about this later on in the ranting department of this post....
- You can't always get what you want. And that's putting it lightly. I'm not sure what my problem is, but I can't settle on something that's not down to the last detail, exact replica, spot on what I want. Maybe it's just a woman, or human, thing. It takes forever. And I ask 100 people their opinions. And turn them all down. I should work on this.
- Speaking of this opinion thing...When someone asks me my opinion on something, or my thoughts or whatever, I give my honest opinion. But in reality they want to hear me say exactly what they want to hear or their own thoughts. No. That's not what "MY opinion is dammit!" Then they get mad at me and I'm automatically a bitch. I'm sorry, but hell no, hot pink, old timey, wild wild west dresses will NOT make cute bridesmaids dresses. I am sorry you have such horrible taste. But you asked for my opinion. I gave it. Now go pick out something suitable and more modern please.
- I'm pretty awesome. And that's an honest opinion stemming from opinions of some of my fellow human beings....I'm straight up, down to earth, funny when it's convenient, and I do what is needed, expected, and some. (most of the time...migraines take me out for the count sometimes...) I give without expecting a payback, I stand up when it's needed (both on a bus for elderly and for my own beliefs), I help others when I can, and I love with every cell in my being. Now, I don't love everybody, but those that I do, it's unconditional. I do hold some grudges, and I do dwell on the past, but I'm human. I do have SOME faults. Not many, and I'm never wrong, that''s not a fault I was born with. ;) I'm just kidding guys...I really am a very flawed person. Just like everyone else. Am I judegmental and judge others on their faults? Yes, when your fault is selling/pawning your babies toys for drugs? When your fault is being unfaithful to a man that loves you? Plus other things...I do judge you. Because that says more about you than anything.
- I am also pretty dysfunctional. I've really dwelled on this as of late. I'm not sure why really, but I have. My past is dysfunctional, I have more horror stories from as far back as I can remember that I havent told a soul, I'm sure my Joshie doesn't even know some of them. They're just too hard to discuss. Skeletons in my closet I guess. My family is dysfunctional to the nth degree. Don't get me wrong, I know whats right and what's wrong. I know how to live life, and do what's right, I know how a family is supposed to act and how they are supposed to treasure and cherish each other. And I do. But it's hard to show it. It's hard to trust people. I have a trusting issue and it takes a long while for me to trust people and I assume the worst more often than not. But in all reality, my disfunctionality comes out when I'm mad. I yell, I cuss, I scream at random things. And to make it worse? I. Can't. Stop. It. I've tried. I've broken it down and realized that the majority of that comes from the enviroment I grew up in. Not saying my parents or family is or were toxic. They're just different. And yelled a lot. Most often though, and this is the kicker, it was my dad and he usually had a very good reason as to why he was yelling. But, anyways, I'm working on the not yelling all the time thing...I'm not sure I've accomplished much. But I'm trying.
- I cuss. A freaking lot. I'm also working on this. It's a long battle.
Rant Department: Please take a #, & I'll be with you soon
Ya know what I hate? Hypocrites, liars, and just in general, people who are fake. Can't stand it. It drives me up the wall....
- Very seldomly do I get on facebook and ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION to what is posted, especially pictures and such. Mostly because it takes forever for them to load and I'm extremely impatient, and also because I have a JOB and a SON whom I care for and constantly keeps me busy. So, I just got online on an actual computer and was scrolling through and saw pictures posted by young mothers. And no, this really isn't towards anyone specifically, more as a group...but where are your kids when you're out hanging with friends and stuff, and posting numerous pictures of you and your friends? I agree that everybody needs their "alone" time. But when you become a mother, you lose that. You don't get to hang out with friends anymore, you can't pawn your babies off on other people to go "have fun". I havent went out and "had fun" without my son in so long that I think if I were able to get the chance to do so, I wouldn't even know what to do!!! Here's my hint and words of wisdom for the day: IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOUR "ALONE" TIME AND TIME WITH FRIENDS, THEN PLEASE DO US ALL A FAVOR AND ALLOW YOUR LEGS TO BECOME THE BEST OF FRIENDS AND NEVER SPLIT UP!!! It saves those of us who are actually being MOMS the trouble of putting up with negative stereotypes that you seem so keen to hold on to and helped create in the first place. Please and Thank you. I'd say I'm sorry if this offends you, but honestly, if it does, then maybe you should take a LONG look at your life and figure out why it offends you. Maybe that will tell you something.
- I LOVE (note: use sarcastic tone here...) when girls (and yes, they're girls...just because you have a baby does NOT make you a woman.) post pictures of themselves going out and having fun...but their child is nowhere to be seen...then they'll talk about partying and hanging out and loving friends and what not...then a couple days (in some cases, hours) they'll post a picture of their baby or maybe just a status and talk about how the baby is their whole world and everything they do, they do for them...blah blah blah blah...bullshit. Seriously?! So going out multiple times a week, living it up with friends, not working, being a bum, and ALL that other crap is for your kid?! Well, I guess the fact that YOU'RE not raising him is a plus, so maybe it all is for them since they're being taken care of. I also love lazy moms who don't do anything for their kid...for real? Ya can't bathe em, can't feed em, can't dress, buy, shop, play or do anything for or with them? But you're an awesome mom and just love being a mom? Well hell, thanks for making my mothering job look like I'm overachieving. Oh, but in reality, I am. And I love when girls "let" their kids go stay with grandparents and greatgrandparents for weeks at a time (cause they really wanted them to come stay! yeah they did...they've had them all summer...literally ALL summer!) while they're out partying with friends and such. Really? Must be nice, I have to pay my parents to watch my son. Must be nice to just pawn your kid off on whoever will take them so you can have fun.
- But what REALLY gets me, what really gets down under my skin and burns...is when other people comment on statuses and pictures and talk about how great the "mom" is doing, and how they've matured, and how proud they are of them...blah blah...etc etc. No, you're not. You're just giving the attention that they crave. Why these people lie, I have no idea. Maybe they're just that dumb or gullible, I'm not sure, because I SERIOUSLY CAN NOT BE THE ONLY PERSON SEEING THROUGH THESE GIRLS' BULLSHIT!! Seriously, am I? You may be a great friend to this "mom" or cousin or whatever, but lying to them and pumping up their ego that's typically already over-inflated and telling them that crap isn't helping. It's only making them think that they've got everyone fooled, and that the tiny little effort they're putting in to being a parent is just enough. It's not. So stop it. Stop fooling yourself and them. You only make yourself look like an idiot by posting that stuff.
- Not only that...but a real mom doesn't need the wall posts, picture comments, status comments and all that to know that. I think maybe in the past year, I've been told maybe 6-8 times that I'm a good mom. Maybe. And the majority of those came from my cousin, and a couple other family members. I'm not sure that I remember my fiance telling me this, although he may have. And my family damn sure doesn't pride me on much, if anything. Yes, a couple people have told me I'm an awesome person and friend, but very seldomly do I hear "Wow, you're an awesome mom. You've matured so much these past years. I'm so proud of you." because the person that would have said all that to me on a regular basis passed away in 2002. And while it is great and wonderful to have people say that to me when they seldomly do, I don't need it. I don't need a hundred comments a month telling me I'm a good Momma. I don't need people texting me or telling me to my face I'm doing a good job and they're proud of me. Like I said, It'd be nice. But when people are CONSTANTLY telling you something, it starts to get fishy, and I start to doubt stuff. I know I'm a good mother because my happy, healthy, spoiled rotten, precious little angel tells me I am. And that's all the reassurance I need.
- Now, onto guilty consciences. ha. Seriously, had I posted a rant like the above one to facebook, I can tell you EXACTLY who would have wrote me, commented, called/texted me, or told someone that I was talking about them. And maybe I was. But if your conscience is THAT guilty that you have to ask if it is or tell someone you know that "omg! I know Shannon's status is about me!" then maybe you should think about that. If you're conscience is that guilty that an off the collar rant/comment makes you mad and you're not tagged in it...then re-evaluate your life and decisions, because obviously you're doing whatever it was that I was talking about...Just sayin'...
- Hypocrites. Oh darling hypocrites. You make me laugh. Example: someone posting something or saying something about how they HATE when people take longer breaks than what they're supposed to....or something else like that. It takes a LOT of my self control to not comment and say something like "oh really?! I thought you'd like it since you take 10 minute breaks quite often and are gone to pay your bills for like 45 minutes?! Makes me being 5 minutes late on my 30 seem kind of petty, don't it?" But I don't...But I do want to. But that's just an example. Referring back to the "mom's" of facebook posts...when they talk about how young moms need to worry about their babies and not be worried about parying and stuff..."ummm, hello Pot, it's Kettle, and I'm calling to tell you you're black..."
Basically, to sum this all up...People hate to hear the truth, therefore most would rather let lies cross their lips than to just tell the truth..no matter the situation. I'm awesome. And shitty young moms piss me off, as well as other people.
And, I'm done ranting and raving for now...I seriously need to do a "How to Raise a Redneck, Pt. 2" soon. I've discovered 1 or 2 other things to add to the list.
I also need to finish wedding stuff soon...I mean, we've only got like 58 days left...I'm slacking bad.
But! on a brighter note, we now have a standard sized Yorkie that someone gave us! He's cute! Well, he was..then I gave him a hair cut with scissors and now his ugly, choppy hair style makes him so ugly he's cute. I never claimed to be a hair dresser or dog groomer...so now that I know that I suck at it, I guess I can add that to my short list of faults...right? ;)
OH!! Josh and I have settled on going to Cali for our honeymoon!!! So excited! Can't wait. I'm hoping to talk him into renting a convertible top car when we get there...just because you always see people in them in the movies! Hahaha. I'm such a girl. But I am thrilled, and can't wait to go on this next adventure with my bestfriend and favorite man (hint: they're the same people! ;)) I love him so. My darling Joshie. It's funny that we've actually got stuff planned out to do. He wants to see those big trees...Red woods?! I don't remember...and I want to see Alcatraz. But other than that I want to lounge around with him, and drink and be relaxed. But he's a "gotta stay moving" type of guy, so we'll see. I'll have to post pictures throughout and after our honeymoon. :)
Now I must head to bed. I have things to accomplish tomorrow!
As always, with Love & Laughter
and a God Bless <3
LaShannon Lynn Holder (soon to be Holder-Spencer, although he's fighting me for that hyphen!!!) ;)
