I think I'm out of "witty" post titles. That, or I'm just not in a very "witty" mood today. Or maybe, I'm just not that witty...naw, that can't be it.
I've been slacking in my blogger duties. In case I do have some followers, and in case they have missed me. Honestly, I'm not 100% sure how to check that. But, I don't think I really care if I have followers or not, I just like to have a place to rant and rave and talk about myself/whats going on in my life.
Once again, I've been super busy. Work and T-Ball have taken up the majority of my time the past few weeks and now that the latter is over (wish it was the former, but my baby has gotta eat!!!), I have a little bit more free time. Which, at work we are training new people. Yeah, you know how that goes...
Not to mention planning my (or is it "our"?) wedding and a whole bunch of other stuff...wanna hear bout it? Yes you do?! Awesome sauce, cause I wanna talk about it...
all is NOT fair in Love & Cancer...
So, if you've read some of my posts, I hope you read my "Cancer is a Bitch" rant. It's one of my favorites, and I'm not sure why. If you've read it, then you know what I think about it and how upsetting it is to me. Well, I had mentioned my great Uncle Richard in it and how he had been diagnosed with a form of throat cancer. Apparently it is a very aggresive and fast moving cancer, because a few days to a week ago he was admitted to the Markey Cancer Center for almost a week. I didn't even find out that he was there until he had been there about 3-4 days. Saturday night they called in the family and said they didn't think he would live through the day, let alone the night. But he did. Sunday at church I raised my hand for the first time in 4 years and asked for prayers for him, I almost broke down before I even started and full on talking through tears by the end. Today, my Uncle came home. Which would sounds like fabulous news, but it's not. They've basically sent him home to die. Yes, that's a little crass, but it's ultimately the truth. This morning they told him, and some of the family that were able to be there, that he had about two weeks to live. Which, it's hard to believe that because I'm sure he plans to live a little longer than that just to spite the doctors, he's good at that stuff. So, they sent him home with hospice. (is that how it's worded? because when I think "sent home with hospice", I think that the patient is sent home with someone named hospice...not how it's really meant.) I went to visit him today and to take him his wedding invitation. I took him his invite because I wanted him to know that I was thinking of him and because the last conversation we had was him telling me that my wedding day is the day he gave his life to the Lord a year ago. (and of course, I'm crying now...ugh.) I just felt that I needed to take it up there. So, I did. But it took me almost an hour to gather up the courage to go inside. And once inside, I could barely talk to him because I didn't know what to say. Which is something that RARELY happens to me. All I wanted to do was cry and beg and pray that the Lord would spare him. Plus he looked to be sleeping, despite the fact that when I walked in he lifted his hand a little and waved. I went to the dining room/kitchen and talked to some of the family for a little while. Then he started coughing and someone said he had to drink some "syrup" (I have no idea what it is either...but now that I think about it, they could have meant cough syrup. That seems logical). He did not want to drink it. And I'm not sure if he even did. So when he told Judy that he didn't want it, I had walked over to his recliner beside him and Judy. She got up and patted the arm and told me to sit down and talk to him for a minute. I couldn't sit because I was honestly scared that it would flip over. So I kneeled beside it and asked him if he was being difficult. He said "no". It was so hard to hear him. And he could barely hear me so I had to talk loud and felt like I was yelling. I replied with "Now, I find that hard to believe Uncle Richard"...and he kind of chuckled. So I said "I love you" and he said it back. Then, I had to leave because I honestly was about to lose it. Literally one of THE strongest men I've ever knew, was almsot too weak to talk. THE man who I learned almost everyone of the cuss words I use so fondly today from while he yelled them at his cows, could barely whisper. What kills me about cancer is that it doesn't just end in death on most occasions, it changes the people you love into mere shells of themselves. These next two weeks, or however long he does live, won't be completing a "bucket list" or "living it up" like a lot of cancer patients get to do. He'll more than likely be laying in his recliner barely able to move his hand. When you feel the need to say "I love you" every single time you pass by a person, just in case they forget that you do or because you're so scared that that will be the last time you'll see them alive, it's heart breaking. There are very few things more devastating than watching someone you love battle cancer, and not knowing when that battle will end, nor who the victor will be. *Prayers are extremely appreciated right now for my Uncle Richard Barnes, and also for the family to be able to remain strong and united throughout this ordeal. Thank you so very very much. And God Bless each and every one of you.*
and everything else...
Honestly, I wanted to post a rant right here about some things that I've seen and read about and all sorts of other stuff...but, I can't. I don't have the heart right now to get all bitchy and lay it all out on the line. I'm tired. And emotional. And I guess you could say that I have other things to worry about as well, even though it would help me get the other stuff off my mind. It's going to be a very long next couple weeks, I can already tell. I am NOT looking forward to any of it.
I was also going to do another blog post about my bridesmaids and talk about each of them...but, I'm afraid I won't be able to be all happy and cheerful and talk about how awesome all 6 of them are. Therefore, I wouldn't be able to do their personalities and greatness justice. I don't want to ruin that post for them, or my readers, or myself. But, I do love you girls. Even though I'm sure none of you read this...(excluding Brittany).
Wedding News:: Well, a LOT of the things that I have ordered have came in....and are literally just chilling in boxes at the crowded, piled up, "I don't know wtf that is?!" foot of my bed...seriously. I say that everytime I have to dive into it to get to the bottom of it where my shoes have taken refuge. I'm not sure what I really thought was going to happen when I ordered this stuff...I guess I thought they'd bring it in, open it, put it in it's proper spot, dispose of the trash/boxes, and leave. They didn't do ANY of that. Am I allowed to complain to FedEx and UPS?! But, I have found flower girls. Can't find any reasonably priced boots for them though, which is getting ready to start pissing me off. I can't pay $80 for two pairs of 6 inch long boots?! That's crazy talk!! Anyways, I'm getting closer to getting married. 88 days away now. And seriously, that seems like a lot, but it's really not. I'm getting closer to the point of "Pre-Wedding Psychotic Breakdown". For reals. And I'm sure my dress and theme will not go well with a Hannibal Lector imitation mask, straight jacket, and me being strapped to a dolley....I mean, if Josh isn't willing to be "delivered" to me at the altar by his groomsmen to the song "signed, sealed, delivered", then why should I do that?! Sheesh.
Brendon News:: Well, T-Ball is over, and they didn't win the championship. But Brendon still got a medal as a award. He's extremely content with that and isn't as competitive as I am so, he doesn't care really. The last game he did amazingly well, I was really super proud of him. I always am, but this game he hit the ball really far and managed to get 3 people out at home base (he plays hind catcher the majority of the time). Also, in all things related to Brendon, he has two loose teeth. One of which I am pretty sure is the one tooth that doesn't have a replacement permanent tooth. The dentist told us to be careful with it and all kinds of other seemingly impossible things. I'm like "really lady?! He's 6!! And is a really rough and tumble active kid! Be careful with teeth?! Get real Bozo."..This may turn out to be interesting, and/or a nuisance. Brendon has also learned to ride his big boy bike!! All by himself too! I was insanely proud of him when he showed me that he could ride it! Especially since he never would ride his bike with training wheels. Apparently, according to my dad anyways, I refused to ride one with training wheels as well. Now, he's literally hell on wheels...yay...note the sarcasm in that? yeahhhh....
Well, I must get to bed now. My eyes are already going to be all puffy and red in the morning from todays water works, better not add dark circles to them as well. Plus, Brendon and I are going to the movies bright and early in the morning. Our local movie theater has "free kids movie day" every Wednesday of June and July. Tomorrow they are showing "Bee Movie". If we don't sleep in too late, then we are going to see it.
As always, with Love & Laughter (and a few tears to mix it up)
God Bless.
<3
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