Adam & Steve don't live in North Carolina

***WARNING!!! WARNING!!!***
If you are in any way offended by gays/lesbians, please do NOT read any further. These are MY opinions, MY own personal thoughts and beliefs. I do NOT want any comments on how I am wrong, or any other junk like that.



Jesus is my homeboy

Alrighty folks, I don't know exactly who reads my posts. But, if you've been reading them up til now, then you know me. You know that I have no reputation to ruin, I have no worries about people talking about me behind my back. And I don't have any worries about either of those things because I believe in God and Jesus Christ. Now, let me explain this thought before you think I'm crazier than what you already thought. The only person who has any right to judge me is God. So your thoughts don't matter to me. I believe in God. Therefore I believe in Jesus. I may not be the most religious person, I am most definitely not. I'll say that. I'll say that I need some work in the religious department of my life. But I have been working towards being more religious. I used to not attend church, but have gotten pretty regular with it in the past few months. (Thank you Team Spencer & Co. <3) I pray every night, before meals, or when I feel that it is necessary (such as today on my break when I heard that a friend of mine's father is now on life support, I prayed.). No, none of that makes me a Saint. And God knows I'm not, so I'm not going to throw Bibles at people nor am I going to push God on to my friends. I like to think of myself as a Novice/Amateur Christian. Does that work? I hope so, I'm working my way up to being a pro. Or at least whatever comes before pro....I should probably look that up.


Obama

Yup, I voted for him. He seemed pretty legit. And I think he still is. He's sure as heck better than George W. Bush. He hasn't accomplished a whole lot, but he has done somethings. I'm not a big political fan. But I do know and see some things. Like how when Obama decided recently he was for gay marriages. Ok, that's cool. Then people started in on him, by saying that when he was running for office, he was against it. And saying that because he is for it then he MUST be gay as well. For real people?! For freaking real? People's minds can change. Therefore their opinions can change. And I also don't think he's gay. But, I also don't care if he is....

No Homo

Did I use that correctly? Like, isn't it something people say after saying something that'd make them seem gay? I think guys use it more often than girls. I don't know. I'm lost in all this "slang" of today. Maybe because the only social interaction I get is from people wanting chili dogs? Probably. I'm sure "No Homo" could be used around there somewheres though....anyways, back to the blog....


Vote YES for Happiness!!!

I am for same sex marriage. Actually, if you want to know the truth, I'm really just for happiness. And if it takes one of my best friends, AWow, marrying a guy. Then I don't care. I really, truly don't. I am aware of what the bible says. I am aware of what everyone says. No, I am not gay/lesbian (still trying to figure out the terminology and how it pertains to each gender. It's confusing me...shush it.). Because I am a Christian I obviously don't believe in it. But also because I'm a Christian, I don't believe in judging people either. So, that just means I love everybody. Not really, cause I don't like a lot of people. I'm flawed, and I know it. No, none of that makes sense. It honestly doesn't. And I'm not entirely sure why same sex couples don't bother me. I think I'm just a very open minded person. It takes a lot to embarrass me, and get under my skin. I typically don't see people for their "stereotypes", but for their actions and personalities. Example of what I mean: If I am out to eat, or at a store, and a couple is sucking face what is my reaction?
Male/Female face sucking: OMG! Stop it! Nasty! Ugh. I hate PDA that goes past hugging, holding hand and small kissy pecks on the lips....
Male/Male or Female/Female: OMG! Stop it! Nasty! Ugh. I hate PDA that goes past hugging, holding hand and small kissy pecks on the lips....
Seriously. It doesn't matter what their sexual orientation is, I don't like it.

As far as the Bible goes. Well, I believe that there is a right way and a wrong way to tell someone about Jesus. You can't start quoting verses and telling them why they are going to Hell because they are or are not doing something the Bible says to do or not to do. It's typically considered rude to tell someone they're going to Hell, well, from my experiences it has been anyways. But I do know that my gay male friend, AWow, DOES in fact believe in God. As do a lot of other gay people. Why wouldn't they? Just because they are gay doesn't mean they can't share the same beliefs as you. Guess what else they do that straight people do? Bleed red. And have feelings. And live and die.

I have two gay friends. They are two of my favorite people ever. One is a lesbian, Lauren. And the other is a gay guy, AWow. Lauren's real name is in fact Lauren. AWow is obviously not a real name, But it'd be pretty cool if it was. Both are open and out about their sexual orientation. I know that both are gay. But when I see them, I don't automatically think "GAY!", I see them and think "AWow!" or "Lauren!". Because I see them for who they are. What their names mean. What their personalities are. I don't see them as being bad people or people who are going to Hell. I see them as my friends.

I can already tell that I am starting to ramble. And I feel a rant forming a head. I apologize in advance....

I asked Lauren and AWow: "What are some of the most hurtful/aggravating things about being gay?" (I did not force either of them to tell me, and actually told them that they didn't have to if they didn't want to.)

Lauren's answer was what I would expect from Lauren. Typical, I don't care, it's whatever. She's a down to earth, cool person like that. Not much gets to her. But what she said was "I think the only thing is when straight girls think I'm just going to try and get with them, or will hit on them..........Or when people say I shouldn't be able to marry who I love. That's bout it. lol."

AWow's answer was what I expected and more! He typically lets stuff roll of his back, and goes with the flow. A generally good natured guy who just doesn't care. But, just because he is a guy doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings. And just because he's gay doesn't mean he's a little girl about it either. His reply was: "Well the fact that every straight guy thinks I'm attracted to them. I mean girls aren't attracted to every guy they see..And the gay marriage thing..I mean, who are straight people to dictate how I should live my life.. And also how people claim you can't be born gay.. I'm sorry, but were you born straight? Cause that proves my point if you were..Nobody has ever asked if I was born gay and wouldn't the most credible source come from, well, a gay person?! And I hate when people try to help and they end up effing it up.. Like they just start yelling fags being proud and I'm like that doesn't help...The way people look at me in drive through when they see me..some people don't even look at me.. There are people who put their money on the counter so they don't have to touch me.. And there are people who even laugh at me.. I mean, I can see you look at your girlfriend and laugh at me I'm not dumb.."

I can honestly say, "Lauren has never hit on me.". Ever. And I think I'm pretty damn cute! Psht!! BUT, I think the reason she hasn't (and I could be wrong. She may just think I'm ugly.) hit on me, is because, well...I'm straight and she knows that. So, why would she waste her time? Why would AWow waste his time hitting on a guy who was obviously straight?! What would be the point? What straight person do you know that hits on straight people of the opposite sex just because? Well, actually, ignore that question because I know quite a few....

So, I went on with the conversation with AWow and continued asking questions and I got some more info into it all...such as "I hate when people call me ma'am, then just look at me. I don't care they called me ma'am, I just want to get the cars gone. Nobody has said anything to me yet. And if they do, it's not like I care? That's the thing people think I care that they don't like that I'm gay.. I'm not doing it for them, I'm doing it for myself" ... & ..."...how people assume I like being feminine. Actually, it's not my fault when I was little the boys wouldn't play with me so I took to girls. And I've grown up with a majority of females so yeah, I'm going to be feminine. But I like guy stuff too. I love cars. I actually considered being a mechanic. I like WWE if I'm put in a sports scenario I can watch and enjoy it. If I lived on a farm you bet your ass I'd be out there farmin!!"... & ..."I can remember back in kindergarten when I would just take to girls. The boys seemed to distance from me so I gravitated where I could. Which was the female clan lol"... & ..."the majority of people are nice or at least smile. And I can tell when a guy is uncomfortable but tries to be nice.. I've kinda gotten used to it.. And if anybody is rude or whatever I usually cuss them when they drive away.. Recently this kid when I gave him his sundaes and closed the window I heard him say something to me but I ignored it cause he was being a #*&R  @*#&$ (cause he was shirtless but it wasn't even good) and I know he said something about me looking which I have better things to do than look at shirtless guys..when he drove off, I was like "you're cool in your pontiac sunfire"...but it had more curse words. lol".........The thing that gets me, is that if you read all that and didn't know AWow was a gay guy, you'd probably just think he was African American. Or has some kind of disfigurement on his face, or is handicapped in some way....So, would you laugh and make fun of either one of those people? No, because it's not nice. And they can't help it. But for some reason people think that gays can? And even if they could help it, what does it matter to you?!

I have two friends who are both confined to wheelchairs, for two very different reasons. They are another two of my very favorite people on earth, again, for very different reasons. If I was out with either one some place, and someone came up and said something rude to them or was laughing at them, I'd most definitely be escorted out by a cop. And the same goes with my gay friends. Or ANY of my friends for that matter. I do not tolerate bullies. And I do not tolerate people who feel the need to make it known that they dislike something someone is doing in public. With all the war and crap going on in this world, why make another person feel that horrible? I honestly do not understand what they gain from it.

I'm not trying to change any ones beliefs or opinions or anything. It'd be super awesome if I got a comment or message saying that I did. But that's not my intention. I actually have no intentions with this post except to let my readers know how I feel about it. That's all. Well, and to stand up for my friends. But, that was a given, wasn't it?

I've realized that this post is rather scattered. And pretty much a mess. That's because the more I think about my friends being hurt by something another person has said, it honestly pisses me off. It kills me that neither one of them can marry the person they love because the government (who by the way, took religion out of the schools and basically said that the government and religion are to be kept separated...) is now using the Bible against them. Ironic isn't it? It's ironic to me that when they have no use for it, they separate it. But now, when they have literally NO OTHER ARGUMENT against something, they resort to the Bible. I feel like that is both blasphemous and sacrilegious. But, that's just my opinion.

Someone once asked me why I don't preach to my friends or tell them about what the Bible says and how they're going to hell for their homosexual ways...blah blah blah...I have two reasons for that. 1) ummm...aren't the haters doing a good enough job of telling them that?! and 2) God hasn't told me to.

There has been two people thus far in my life that I feel like God has called me to tell them about him, Jesus and the Bible. And I did just that. I'm still working on one, but have made progress. As for the other one, well, I think he's got a ways before he comes back to his previous state of faithfulness, but I will keep talking to him about it. If God calls on me to tell them, then I will. But not before then. I know that as a Christian we are supposed to spread the word of Jesus Christ, and I try to. But I also feel that because so many other people are bashing them with the Bible that there really is no need to use me, therefore, God hasn't. Also, I've been around some people in my life that instantly made me uneasy. I was not happy as soon as I realized I was near them, and I just felt horrible. I think that is because Satan was using those people and that uneasiness was Gods way of warning me of them. When I see either one of my friends, I'm happy. So, if Satan was using them, then wouldn't I be uneasy around them as well? That would be the logical thing if my thoughts were/are correct. And I don't know if they are, I just know what I think. I also think that God loves everybody. I think that Jesus loves everybody.

Sheesh, I've went off on some kind of crazy half rant, half informational post...I'm not even sure how that happens.

Basically, all you need to know about my thoughts on same sex marriage is this:

• I support it. I'm all for equal opportunities and happiness, man.
• It doesn't bother me.
• My gay friends are pretty freakin awesome.
• I'd probably be in jail if I'd been around anytime someone said something mean to either one of them.
• Ditto for the previous statement if I AM around and it happens...
• Ditto on both previous statements for ALL of my friends. 
• If they are happy, then I am happy.

If they are happy, then I am happy. I say this a lot. I believe in a lot of stuff, but happiness is a big thing for me.  I believe that ever single person deserves the right to be able to be happy, no matter what. I mean, unless being a cannibal is what makes you happy. Or killing people. Because neither of those benefit anybody, nor does it make the victims happy...and, it's weird. (yes, I understand that some people find being "gay" weird...shut up.) SO, if AWow wanted to marry a goat, and he was undeniably happy with said goat, then I would be happy for him. I may rethink our friendship and wonder how this happened, but, I would still be happy for him. If Lauren decides she wants to be in love with a tree, then fine. So be it. I guess, a lot of the obsession with happiness for me comes from being bullied and stuff when I was younger. It hurts. It hurts a lot when people call you names, and laugh at you, or act as if they can't touch you because whatever they're laughing at you for will rub off on them. That last thing, that hurts the most. Because then, you don't even feel like a human being anymore. To feel worthless? It sucks. To be scared to go to school or out of the house? Makes you sick to your stomach. But to be the person who CHOOSES to MAKE others feel like that? Pathetic and disgusting.
Because at the end of the day, how did them being gay effect YOUR life? It doesn't.

I can't help but feel saddened right now. It saddens me that some people will stoop so low to pick on someone, sometimes to the point that the person they are picking on actually commits suicide because they can't handle it anymore and they feel like they don't have a single person in their corner. It saddens me that there are people who have actually been the reason someone has ended their life, and they don't seem to feel bad about it. I call that murder. And murder is a sin. Just like being gay is. So how are you any better? And if for some reason God decides that your sin of murder is for some reason a lower ranked sin than being gay is, and LETS you in to heaven but condemns the gays. Then that just means there's room for you, now doesn't it? So, again, how is others being gay hurting your life?! And I said "LETS" in all capitals because there is going to be a judgement day, and every single person alive will be judged by the only person being judged by actually matters. Doesn't it basically say in the Bible "a sin is a sin is a sin"? Basically saying that there is no "degree system" as to how the sins are ranked that they are all just as bad as the other? Hmmmm...and murder is a sin. And judging people is a sin....So, basically AWow and Lauren can just say "See ya in Hell then."? That's actually a serious question by the way..Cause I'm not sure of all that....But, it does sound right to me.

I think I'm going to end this rant before I get a mob after me. I just wanted my friends to know that I AM in their corner. And always will be. That they do have someone to talk to. Regardless of their race, sexual orientation, gender, amount of money and/or fame they have...nothing. Obviously you've done something right for me to have kept you as a friend for this long. Why would I bail now? Oh, wait....I CAN'T be Laurens friend anymore......she owes me cupcakes.

If you do not approve of this rant, courtesy of LaShannon Lynn Holder, please feel free to look me up on Facebook, Twitter, get my number, get my email address...it's whatever, and contact me. We'll have a talk about it. You can bitch, and moan, and preach to me why not only will my friends be going to hell, but obviously, I will be too....At least then, my friends can have a few minutes of peace. And I'll gladly give them that.

Always, with Love & Laughter.
And GOD BLESS!
<3

Me, and MY thoughts on How to Be a "Perfect Mother"

A Little Bit More About Me...


As everyone has probably gathered from my previous posts, I'm not a very consistent type of person. At all. I won't pretend to be. I tend to blog about whatever strikes me at the time. Whatever thought goes through my constantly overworked mind, has potential to be blogged about. Especially if it is a thought that I think often. Or something that I feel passionate about. I'm quite random in my posts, and in my life as well. I'm also a chaotic mess, and a whirlwind stress machine. Yeah, I'm THAT woman. That woman who stresses about everything, even the tiny minute things that normal people shouldn't and wouldn't stress about. The woman who is constantly doing something (and is probably stressed about doing it), constantly driving somewhere, always writing out "To-Do Lists" and then rewriting another for the next day that's almost identical to the previous days one. Yep, that's me. 


Now, with that little bit of background info out of the way, on to my post!!


So, You Want to be a Perfect Momma...


Just stop. Don't even try. It's too much. It'll drive you insane. Seriously. I'm not even joking. Just be your normal self and get on with life. I tried it, and even though I only have one kid, it's still insanely hard to do. So, I stopped trying and decided to be just be me.


I guess I should get into why this post is being written in the first place. Recently my child has went from precious angel to "oh my god! where were you spawned?!" He's been back talking more, cussing, saying extremely mean and hurtful things, and just in general being an all around butt head. Seriously. Now, some of you may be in shock that I just said that. But you must know that I would never call my child names. However, if he's acting like a butt head, then he's being a butt head. Simple as that. Also, many people judge my "parenting style". I wasn't even aware that I HAVE a parenting style. I admit, I do raise my son differently than most. I'm a firm believer in allowing kids to express themselves and just be themselves in general. Why hinder what society is going to try to take from them in the future?? Anyways, I also read a book that I bought on my Kindle (well, I read most of it and still lack maybe a chapter left), it was called "Scary Mommy". One of the BEST books I have ever read in my life. It's all true, what is contained in that book. A very down to earth, to the core, book about being a mother. It covers everything down to the nitty gritty dirty details. I LOVED it, and highly reccommend it to everyone. I also agree with pretty much everything that this woman talks about! It was amazing.


SO, here goes.


Being a perfect mother is damned near impossible. I know many women who claim and seem to be, on the outside anyways, to be a "Perfect Mother". But I also know that they are liars and frauds. Ain't nobody got nothing on June Cleaver! And I'm not even sure she was perfect since I never watched "Leave It To Beaver". Almost every "Perfect Mother" that you see has a tiny secret. A hidden jewel that they hide away to help them get through day to day life. It also usually varies. I'm not going to reveal any because I don't want to oust anyone, but they do. Trust me on this.


I know PM's who have perfectly groomed kids when they go out in public or are expecting company, but if you surprise them at home unawares, their kids barely match. Hair is going everywhere, they're covered in PB&J, one sock on, usually in their underwear, and running around like little screaming midgets. And where is Mom in all this? Usually still in her PJ's, on the couch watching Maury or Jerry Springer, like it ain't no thing. Cause it's not. It's perfectly okay to let your kids go wild and streak through your house when you're home alone. That's fine. And, yes, they should be dressed and look somewhat like normal humans when you go out in public or have company over. But there is a line. A line that most of the women like this have crossed. If you have a closet/dresser of clothes that are all name brands and the ONLY time your children where them is when you are under the magnigying glass of others, then you may be this kind of woman.


What about those mothers who themselves are always perfectly coifed and posed like they're heading to a family magazine photo shoot? Yeah, they do the above stuff too. Out in public: perfect hair, perfect make up, perfect name brand clothes to match their perfect kids' name brand clothes, everything matching...etc. And then you're standing there like "Did I miss a memo on proper attire at McDonalds?!" in your holey jeans, and baggy T-Shirts covered in God knows what. And she's over there looking all perfect and staring down her nose at you, but in reality, she looks worse than you do when she's at home. In her baggy sweats, holey shirt, and covered in dirt and God knows what. Yep, they're out there too.


And what about those Momma's who take their kids to "dirty places" and then FORBID them to get dirty? (I.E. the park, sand box, lake, beach...etc. basically anywhere that is outside) Yeah, we all know what I think about dirt and kids. It's necessary to raise any child, especially a little country bumpkin. Kids need to get dirty! And why take them somewhere that there is dirt and then forbid them to even look at it? How do you expect them to go outside if they can't even step on the dirt?! Crazy talk I say!!!


Organic food. That's another thing. I'm not saying it's not better for your kids. All I'm saying is if all you feed your kids is organic food, and have told me this numerous times, then you come to Berrymans and scarf down 3 chili dogs and a 32 oz shake, then theres a problem. You should never feed your kids something, and ONLY that, when you're going to turn around and eat 1,000 grams of fat in one sitting. It's not fair. And your child should eat a corn dog sometime. It's easier on you and saves time, and your kids will be TONS happier. If you can't bear to stomach the same food you're asking your kids to, then maybe you shouldn't be asking your kids to eat it. I'm just saying.

Also, I cuss. I cuss a LOT! I know this. All my close friends and family know this. I accept this. I've tried to stop, or slack up on it, but it seriously feels good to let loose a "shit!" or "dammit" every now and then. I do cuss in front of my son. No I don't particularly feel happy about that, nor do I like that I do it. But it's who I am. Now, that being said, My son does know quite a string of curse words. I'll admit that. Does he say them? Not in front of me. He knows what soap tastes like! (we'll talk about this later on in the future.) He has let loose a few in his day, but instantly realizes its a bad word and it's not a constant every day thing. Now, for the mom's who are probalby thinking "OMG!! What a horrible Mom!!" well, I'd tell you what I'M thinking, but it'd be a lot of curse words. I've seen Mom's who don't cuss in front of their kids, and that's nice to say "sugar!" whereas I'd say "shit!" when you break a nail. But I've also seen those same moms tell their kids that they are "being dumb", "getting pudgy", "acting like a fool"...plus tons of other things. I've heard moms tell their 12 year old daughters that they don't need to eat that small ice cream cone because it looks like her cheer outfit is already getting a little tight. Or tell their young sons that they're being a baby, and acting stupid. I'm sorry, and correct me if I'm wrong and if you dare, but me saying "fuck" in front of my 6 year old is only adding creativity to his future teenage rants and spicing up his hidden vocabulary. Whereas, telling your child they are fat or stupid is going to take tons of money from your pocket when they need therapy later on because they are failing in school because they think they're stupid or have an eating disorder because you've been calling them fat since they were 5. Again, I'm just saying. And that's my opinion, take how you see fit.

I understand, I really do. You think, and probably have read, that that's the best way to raise kids. So it may not be your fault that that is how you raise your babies. But when the majority of the things you do (such as the clothing and such) is nothing more than a flimsy facade, then you should really just cut loose, save some time and money and be you. Chances are, you're a pretty damned good Momma anyways. Without all that nonsense that your 2 year old has no desire to understand because all she wants to do is chew on dirt instead of tofu crap. I understand that a lot of these moms want to give their kids the things they never had. But there's probably a reason your parents didn't buy you a $400 gaming system when you were 5. They KNEW you'd just cram a PB&J sandwich in it after a month. Your child doesn't need to wear expensive name brand clothes. They're just going to wear them 3 times and out grow them. You're kid needs to eat other food besides tofu and vegetables all day (and they should have some veggies everyday, just not all day and only that.), they need and want candy sometimes. Just like when that time of the month strikes, and all you want is a Snickers bar, they want it just as bad. And sometimes worse because THEY have NEVER HAD IT. Let your kids let loose and get that $100 shirt dirty. (Or don't buy a $100 shirt for your child, either or.)

I'm not saying you're horrible parents. Because, honestly, I say "shit" in front of my child often. And there are days when I'm not so sure he's had ANY vegetables at all. But lets cut the bullshit. A lot of moms like the above mentioned, do it soley for keeping up with appearances. Not becuase they want to and that's who they are. And a lot of them, really do say "shit" in front of their kids when they're not in public. And are not 100% sure if that apple is organic or not, but hell, they're gonna let them eat it anyways because they're tired of checking and double checking. And a lot of them are going to strip their kids of their expensive clothes when they get home and put them in "Garanimals" Wal-Mart (thank God for Wal-Mart and $6 outfits!!) clothes and let them loose. It's ok.

It's ok to be so stressed out from hauling your kids around to all kinds of activities every day and searching through the grocery for one more organic potato for supper that you scream and yell and cuss. It's ok if when your 13 year old daughter smarts off for no reason and pisses you off, for you to think "you little brat (or bitch, whatever applies to the situation)!" and want to smack the sass right out of her. Just don't say it out loud and don't smack her. Or when your 16 year old son comes in with a hickey or a new piercing he let his friends give him, It's perfectly ok to think "you punk!" or whatever else applies and goes with your obvious extensive vulgar mental vocabulary.

It really is ok to NOT be perfect.

Perfection of the parent degree, comes from loving your kids. Your kids will think you're perfect no matter what. As long as you love them, and teach them, and show them that even though you say dirty words when you get mad that you STILL love them. And to provide for them everything they need (and ocassionally want. Hey, gifts are nice.). All that other stuff, it's at the bottom of my very long "To-Do list". Heck, I don't even know what tofu is. Nor do I want to. And because of that, my son has a very strong liking for cheese burgers and fries. Which is convenient, because that's my favorite food.

I must go boil my son some eggs for lunch. So I leave you with this: No matter what you do in life, being a mother is the biggest obstacle you'll ever face, and the biggest accomplishment you'll ever gain. Do it your way, which is the right way. Don't fuck this up! ;)

With Love & Laughter.
God Bless.<3



Brendon with his name in the sand at Bell-Air beach this past week on vacation. :)



Well, hello stranger...

I Apologize...
So, I apologize for not blogging regularly...I think it's been almost a month?!?! Wow. But, I warned you all that I am a procrastinator. And random things happen to me at the most inoppurtune times. Is that spelled correctly? Oh well. I'm not no English teacher!! ha. So, here goes a rather lenghty blog. Oh, yeah, I apologize for that as well.

How goes it, yo?
After my "Cancer Rant" I kind of just drifted off into space. Seriously. I'm not even sure where or what I was for the month following that. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was all the stress and aggravation. Maybe it was because I went from working 50-60 hours every two weeks to working 70+ hours. Sure, those 10 hours may not sound like much, but that's at least another day to two days of working. Meaning that I was working 5-6 days a week. I've got a life people! Ok, that may be a lie...but I'll never admit to how lame I am. Not to mention, a little wedding planning, T-Ball practices and games, did I say work?, and preparing for our Florida trip...which is what this blog will mainly be about.

Chillaxin in Bell-Air
"
Josh, Brendon, and I all drove down with the crew that left Wednesday. We flew back though. We left Friday morning, the 18th, and returned Saturday the 26th.
It was such a blast. Pretty much all of it. There's so much that happened that I honestly can't relate all of it. So, I think I will put it in bullet points to better detail the more entertaining and not so entertaining parts of our trip...

• Sunday was our first full day in Florida. Our beach house was large and welcoming, right on the beach, and had a pool. Josh, and his brothers are all very white males. Therefore they NEED LOTS OF SUNSCREEN. They also fail to listen. SO, what resulted was a VERY burnt Joshua. Even the tops of his feet were burnt. Sheesh. Chase was also burnt, just not as bad. And Joey was just a little pink. I'm sure none of them will tan from it either.
• Monday we went to Disney World. Even though I have forbidden myself from entering that place again since I went with my family in 2004, I put on my big girl panties and went. It wasnt that bad this time around actually. Brendon had fun, therefore meaning I had fun, if even just from seeing him so excited. Space Mountain was his favorite ride, as was it mine. Josh refused to wear anything but his jeans and boots. So, when we FINALLY made it back to the house at around 1:30 am, his poor feet were swollen. He could barely get his boots off and they hurt him so bad. It was horrible. And even though he wouldn't admit to hurting, I could tell he was. :( My poor boo.
• Tuesday we didn't do much but swim in the pool and ocean. Josh and Nanny had started a everyday sea shell hunting expedition. Josh found about 30 sharks teeth throughout the entire trip plus tons of sea shells. I found some as well, as did everyone else. It was fun strolling the beach with Josh looking for the shells. Even though I became bored with it a LOT quicker than he did, I still enjoyed it because he liked it so much and also because I love him and therefore love seeing him happy. That's how this relationship thing works, right?
• Wednesday all the menfolk, excluding 2 year old Skylar and 6 year old Brendon, went deep sea fishing. They were dropped off early that morning and wouldn't return until at least 6 that night. For breakfast all of us girls and the little boys went to a french bakery. Brendon and I both had cinnamon buns the size of our heads. Thet were DELICIOUS! For lunch some of us went to eat at a place called "Cooters" and the rest went to a sea food place. Sometime in between those two meals, I dropped my phone in the toilet. Yep, right in the crapper. It was a mess for the next few days, and didn't work properly until Saturday morning before our flight out. Although,

Now this is a story all about how

My life got flipped turned upside down

And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there

I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air

In West Philadelphia born and raised

On the playground is where I spent most of my days

Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool

And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school

When a couple of guys who were up to no good

Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood

I got in one little fight and my mom got scared

And said you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said "Fresh", and had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought nah forget it, yo home to Bel-Air!

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo Holmes, smell ya later!"
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air"

No, not really. BUT! We DID sing that song at least twice. The only thing in that song that even pertained to our vacation was the name "Bel-Air", and even that was spelled differently in Florida. Oh well, we're extremely caucasion. I'm sure that is also spelled incorrectly...

So, I went to Florida. With Josh and his family. Up until Wednesday, there was 16 of us all together. Me, Brendon, Joshua, Cathy & Daniel, Bryan & Casey, Joey, Ashley, Chase, Megan, Skylar, Nanny, Papaw, Mamaw Peach, and Lane. Wednesday morning Lane, Mamaw, Nanny & Papaw all headed home to go to the high school graduation of Lane's brother (Nanny & Papaws grandson).

It was truly and awesome trip. Brendon and I had tons of fun. I guess the easiest way to go about detailing our trip is to do it day by day, bullet point style....so here goes.

• Sunday was our first full day at the beach house. It was a huge house with more than enough room for all of us. It also sported a pool and hot tub outside, along with our own "private beach". I put that in quotations because it wasn't really private in the sense that we were the only ones on it. It basically meant that we had a direct, private path to the beach. Which suited us all just fine. We same in the ocean and the pool almost the entire day and half the night. Joshua and his brothers failed to sun screen themselves properly (or would go directly back to the water as soon as they were sprayed/rubbed down in sun block with SPF's of up to 110!!), of course, all three managed to get sun burnt. Josh got it the worst, and even managed to sun burn his feet!!! Chase was a little burnt, but not as bad as Josh was. And Joey was just a little pink. Ashley also was burnt, but probably in the middle of Chase and Joey in severity. But, it was a good first day!
• Monday we all packed up early that morning and went to Disney World. Now, for some of you who don't know me, I am not fond of Disney World. I went when I was 13 and then banished it to the back of my mind. I did not like it then, and although I actually had a blast this go around, I'm not sure I'll ever return until my future unborn children are at least 10....at least. I think what causes me to not enjoy it as much is the fact that I LOVE BIG roller coasters, and if theres anything that Disney lacks it would definitely be roller coasters. Or, in a sense, just big rides in general. They do have some bigger rides, but most of their rides are more geared towards younger kids. Which, of course, Disney World is a family amusement park. But still, no excuses Walt! I did have fun though. I enjoyed watching Brendon ride rides and just take in everything, even though he is a roller coaster lover like me, he did enjoy it (even though he was a butt the entire time and declared that he hated Disney World and that it was stupid). He LOVED Space Mountain! I knew he would though, like I said, that's definitely one trademark thing he gets from me. It was his favorite ride, and wanted to ride it over and over. Too bad the lines are too long, or I would have gladly taken him on it again. Anyways, Josh decided to wear his blue jeans and boots. He said "Nanny said to dress comfortably...I'm comfortable." so, I said ok, fine. wear what you want...you'll pay later. And of course, like any other woman is, I was right. By the time we finally made it home (after what seemed like an endless ride, with a random detour, that resulted in a random sprinkler spraying a jet stream of water through our open window and sraying straight into my face....really. I don't know how this stuff happens to us...) he could barely take his boots off. His feet were horribly swollen. He said it didn't hurt too bad, but I could tell he was in pain. So, I covered his feet and legs in lotion and we went to bed. OH! I almost forgot to include Josh's favorite part of Disney World!!! While we were standing in line for Space Mountain, Ashley spotted a guy from the TV show "Swamp People". Josh ran over to see if it was in face one of the Swamp People. Because he couldn't remember his name, he yells "SWAMP PEOPLE!!!". I was like omg. you're gonna stalk this man out but don't even know his name?! Geez! So then Josh and Ashley proceeded to stand outside of the exit and wait for him to leave. Then they ambushed him.....Not really. But that's what I felt like was going to happen. Josh simply snuck up on him and shook his hand. Then the man said for him to come over to where his wife was or something and talk to him. So, of course, I got to be the one to take a picture of Josh and this random Swamp People man who I don't even know the name of still! Crazy.
• Tuesday we didn't do much of anything. And honestly, I really just remember lounging by the ocean/pool and swimming all day. We may have done something...but I can't remember what exactly...Oh, we bought more sun screen and Aloe Vera for the boys. That is all. OH! No, Tuesday is the day that Brendon Christopher got sick from drinking too much sea water. I won't go in to details here, but if you don't know what results from this, then look it up. IT WAS NOT FUN! DO NOT EVER EVER EVER EVER DRINK OCEAN WATER!!!! EVER! Bryan also had a touch of this before Brendon did. Needless to say, it was an adventure....of sorts.
• Wednesday the menfolk loaded up and headed out early that morning to go deep sea fishing. Cathy dropped them off and returned (after passing our house multiple times in a row...I even saw her drive by a couple times!!! I just didn't think it was her!) to pick everybody up to go have breakfast at a little French Bakery. It was delicious! Brendon and I both ate cinnamon buns the size of our heads!!!!!! YUM! After we got back, we swam for a little while and then decided to get ready to go out to eat for lunch. While doing so, I managed to drop my iPhone in the toilet..I know, I know. I'm a klutz. But, I personally blame the makers of the shorts I was wearing...who needs shallow pockets?! Ugh. So of course, my phone was spazzing out. On our way out to eat, and we left pretty quickly after that, we stopped and bought a huge bag of rice and I crammed my phone down into it as fast as I could. I was upset. :( And stressed because I can't afford a new phone. We went to eat and some of us went to a place called Cooters while the rest went to a sea food place. Cooters was by far my favorite place to eat! I loved it! And I'm sure it's the reason I gained almost 5 pounds while on vacation! After getting back to the house, everybody crashed. Literally. When I woke up Cathy and some other ladies had went to retrieve our boys. They brought back fresh Grouper to fry for supper. Because I don't like fish of any kind, I had chicken. Which Cathy cooked, so it was obviously delicious. Note: my phone finally was turned off, and would not turn back on at this point. :(
• Thursday was the night of drunkeness. For real. I'm sure I saw a side of Casey & Bryan that I have never in my life seen before. But omg, they were freaking hilarious. I won't post some of the things that were discussed or randomly stated because I love them too much to even hint at embarassing them. But, just know that Planet Zorg 459 exists. Anyways, I thouroughly enjoyed Intoxicated Casey & Bryan more than anything and remained sober enough to remember every little detail of the night because I knew I would want to think about it later...and blog about it. One of the most hilarious, and semi immature, things that happened was when we were all outside talking and drinking and our British neighbor came out and told us to hush. What kind of idiot sleeps with his bedroom door open?! So then the boys proceeded to say everything in a crazy British accent for the next hour. I honeslty don't even remember what all was said except Chase REPEATEDLY saying "SHUT UP! They cunt (yes, that's how he pronounced it) sleep! The British cunt sleep!!!" while laughing so hard he was almost crying. Mainly he said this to Megan ever single time she opened her mouth. Then they got mad about it. And wanted to pee on his door or steps or something. I'm not sure what really. Even Bryan was all for it. I will not say whether or not they did or didn't, but it was hilarious all the same. I learned that I need to drink with Casey and Bryan WAYYYY more often and what sounds Joey makes when he ralphs and also that Joey puts me to shame in the talking catergory while he is intoxicated. Lovely. It was definitely one of my favorite nights. Note: phone still spazzing out...Note also: This is all Cathy's fault (and probably others as well) for deciding that we needed to get rid of all the alcohol in the house since a few mixed drinks a night wasn't cutting it.
• Friday a lot of hang overs ensued. But all survived it. We went to the Clearwater Marine Aquarium this day. And even though it wasn't what we all thought it would be, but it was still interesting. We got to see "Winter" the dolphin who lost its taile and had a movie made about it. Plus other interesting things. Although towards the end of our visit to the aquarium we went to watch a training demonstration thing in a dolphin tank. Which consisted of a woman telling us all kinds of info about how they train dolphins and why, while a trainer had a dolphin named Nicholas do all sorts of really awesome tricks! It was pretty cool. He did mid air flips and all kinds of stuff. The kids stood by the rail and was splashed which they thought was just the coolest thing since sliced bread. Before the little show started a random volunteer woman was walking between the two sets of bleachers talking to the audience. She came to ours and asked where we were from and Joey said "Kentucky." and she said "Texas?!" and he said "No, not even close..." and the woman continued on about Texas for some reason and holds up the Texas Longhorn's hand sign thing and said "can we say "Hook'em Horns?!" or something to that extent. And so Ashley started stomping her feet and goes "OOOOHHHHHHH....." of course being a person who bleeds blue on ocassion, I realized what she was doing and so I chimed in and we go "C-A-T-S cats cats cats!" and some random guy says "what about IU?" all snobbish and rude like, and Joey says "which one?" and I think the guy was referring to Iowa University...maybe. I don't care. But Joey's reply of "oh, you poor people..." shut him up and he turned away from us with a rude look and a roll of his eyes. Definitely an awesome moment. Even though we must have pissed the volunteer woman off because she walked off and didn't return....ever. Oh well. We returned home after dinner at Cooters and relaxed with some Pina Colada's. Nobody dared to drink as much as the night before. Plus, We had to get up early to say by to those who were driving back and so we could get ready to head home on our own flight.

The trip home Saturday was uneventful. And the people on the plan were exceptionally nice. All in all, it was a fabulous trip with some extraordinary people. We had a blast. And I would love to go back. However, I was ready to be home. Florida is a very expensive place and now I know why only rich retirees live there.
I am sure I am forgetting some things. Matter of fact, I know I am, I'm entirely too forgetful. Like, I now remember Josh swimming with Dolpins and then some of the others going out and swimming with them. Well, not really, but kinda sorta. The dolphins were out there in the water by our beach all the time. But we had never seen them while we were in the water. One day Josh was out swimming and some came about 20-30 feet from him and we could see their dorsal fins going in and out. Josh however could not see them. He could hear us yelling and telling him that they were there since shortly before that he had told his Aunt Casey he was going to call in some dolphins and started making this crazy noise. Well we were watching him and he would stick his arms out from his sides and open palm hit the top of the water. Every single time he did that they would surface. It was amazing! I just wish he could have seen how close they got to him!!! However, he did actually hear them "chirping" or "clicking" which alone tells you how close they were to him!!!

Ah, it's late, and that is all that my tired brain can remember or think to put in to this post. So, I will call this the end and if I think of anything in the future, I will include it in a random post. If I remember! :)

As always, with Love & Laughter.
God Bless.
<3

Cancer is a B*tch.

Cancer. Everybody knows what it is. What it does. The pain, the stress, the energy depletion. Everything.
Everybody at least knows someone who has been affected by it. Like so & so's such & such had this kind. Or has it. Or passed on from it. Everybody has had some kind of experience with it, whether it's seeing a friend go through it with someone they know, or experiencing it within your own loved ones. It's a bitch, ain't it?
Pardon my French, but it's true. And that's how I feel.
In the past 10 years, at least 8 of those I've dealt with some form of tragedy/crisis. Lots of Cancer & death. Lots of hospital visits, lots of funeral visits. Lots of grief. Not to mention, my cousin being murdered, and two of my dear friends becoming paralyzed.
In regards to my family, can't a family catch a break for a year? I guess not. So here goes my "cancer rant"...
But really, where to start? The beginning I guess...

I never met my grandmothers mother. But from what I'm told, she had some form of cancer that she beat, and then ended up passing on due to brain cancer.
My Great Uncle Jimmy, my Nannys brother, had some form of cancer, liver I think. He beat it as well with the help of Amish medicine from this God Blessed Amish doctor in Indiana. That Amish man, works miracles sent straight from God. Amazing how he knows the things he knows and does the things he does. Truly blessed by God.
Then my Grandmother, aka: Nanny. She passed on in 2002 of lung cancer. She had surgery on her back a few years before that, but yet, the doctors saw nothing. Of course, once opened up, a cancer patients chances of having the cancer spread, is increased. So that's what happened. And it got worse and by the time they caught it, there really wasn't much they could do. Of course, catching pneumonia didn't help, and that's what ended up actually being the cause of death. But, her doctor, I won't name names but he practices in Mt. Sterling, refused to send her to the cancer center at UK. Even though he knew she was bad off and needed it. Of course my father blames him, I would like to as well just to have someone to blame, but, I can't. I am a forgiver. I may not forget, but I can forgive. People make mistakes.
Anyways, so, a little off topic, but I have been thinking about my Nanny a lot lately. I think about her often anyways, but here lately, it's been worse. So I was thinking about how my baby sister and baby cousin will be graduating this year, and how my Nanny won't get to see that. Then I got to thinking about ALL the things she's missed: me graduating, me going to UK, the birth of her first great grand baby, the LIFE of her first great grand baby, me getting engaged, my baby sister and baby cousin graduating, my baby cousin (her first grand son) going to college. Just everything. Everything I know she would have enjoyed, and praised us for, and just been overwhelmed. Then I realized that one of the most cherished people to have ever graced my life will not see me walk down the aisle in September. And it broke my heart. I won't get to laugh at her fussing with my dad about little details, I won't get to shop for stuff with her, I won't get to see her tearing up and feel her hug me and kiss my cheek, double checking to make sure she didn't leave a kiss mark on it (but later wishing she had left it to point out where Joshua will be expected to kiss me so my dad doesn't have a heart attack), as I prepare to walk down the aisle and into a new life. She'll get to see me, but I won't see her. Then I realized how selfish I was being, and proceeded on to ponder about my sister and cousin. They were a lot younger when she passed, so they weren't able to enjoy her like I was able to. And I regret that for them. I started to regret taking up so much of her time, even though she had legally adopted me and I was by law considered her child, it still hurt me. So I thought about how Nanny got to see me turn 13. She got to see so many more of my accomplishments than theirs. So, in a week or two, as my sister and cousin walk across the platform to receive their diplomas, my Nanny won't be standing there screaming for them and then crying and hugging them and telling them how proud she is of them. She wasn't for me either, but she saw many more of my major "milestones", and this would have been one of their BIG firsts. I think I'll have to get them both something special for their graduation presents. I think I already know what I'm going to get them. Also, my dad and brother and uncle Jimmy drove to meet that Amish man in Indiana for my Nanny, but it was already too late for her. None of his cures could work.
But anyways...back to the topic at hand...
Shortly after she passed, my cousin Chris was murdered. But, I'll dwell on that later on in my blogging future...
Somewhere around that same time my Nannys sister, my great Aunt Porky, was found to have melanoma cancer. She has been in and out of remission for years. And as far as I know, is currently in remission. I saw her recently (at the funeral home for a cousin...) and she looks so great! Her fabulous red hair is back in as thick as ever. And she reminded me so much of my Nanny, I almost cried.
Then, in 2008 or 2009, my Great Uncle Tony, another of my Nannys brothers, was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Maliformae. The spelling may be off, but it's a really rare, and aggressive form of brain cancer. Its the same cancer that the recent Kennedy man died from. He died shortly after my Uncle was diagnosed actually. Upon seeing this on the news, my Uncle said to his wife "see honey, that man had all the money in the world, and it still couldn't save him from this..." it was horrible. I witnessed so much more of the progression of the cancer in him than I ever did with my Nanny. Towards the end of my Nannys life, and hospital stay, I was barred from the room. She refused to allow me in to see her. So I sat and waited, hoping she'd let me in soon. I knew she was going, and I wanted so badly to say goodbye and tell her I love her. But every time I tried to enter, a family member would basically tackle me, no way in hell was I going to get into that room. I think that's another reason I'm still so hung up on her death, I was never able to say goodbye. I never had the chance to tell her all those little things I really needed and wanted to. I also think that also applies to my dad as well. He had come home and was called and told she was going to be passing soon, he drove like crazy, but wasn't able to get there in time. So my cousin Renee says the song "The Baby" by Blake Shelton reminds her of my dad a lot and I can't even listen to it without crying. But back to Tony, He also was taken to meet Dr. Amish, he was "prescribed" tons of stuff, and while he followed those directions, he was somewhat better, but he couldn't really afford to keep up with it, so that set him back. He started Chemo and his skin became so paper thin. I was so afraid to hug him. Although I did tell him I loved him as often as I could. He was one of my favorite "Barnes siblings". He passed away in February last year. A long, hard fought battle, but in the end a good man lost.
I know somewhere in all this, there has been a couple other of those siblings that have passed on, and I think at least one was from cancer as well. I just wasn't as close to them, and I don't want to mention names and stuff and mess it all up. I feel like it'd be disrespectful. :(
So yesterday. We received news that another of my great Uncles has cancer as well. My Great Uncle Richard. Another of my personal favorites. As far as I know, as of right now, it's in his throat. He is supposed to go sometime this week, he may have actually went today, to have some of it (what they could get) removed. It literally devastated me. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to emotionally handle this. Never mind me, but his kids! And siblings! It's like cancer is haunting my family. And there's nothing we can do, but pray. So I am. With everything in me. This man also informed me here recently that the day me and Joshua plan to get married on is the day he gave his life to the Lord a year or so ago. Again, I almost cried when he told me that. In a way, it's a sign I think, I don't know what for yet, but it's a good sign.

Oh Cancer, how you torment us. Coming, and going, just to come back again. Pisses me off. I'm so tired of it. I'm tired of the death and cancer. And not just in my family. But everywhere. Cancer is everywhere. I know friends whose mothers have ovarian cancer. I know friends whose brother in laws have cancer, and he's close to my age. A young lady, that I only met once but will forever remember her faith in the lord, passed away last year. She was only 18 or 19.
Theres a little boy at Brendons school who has Leukemia. Which kills me because my mothers brother (who is a twin, the living twin is named Chris) passed away when he was 8 or 9. Which that was years and years ago. But still. That's a baby. That boy at Brendons school, he's a baby! He hasn't LIVED yet! And now he may not.
Cancer doesn't judge your age, your wealth, social standing, knowledge...nothing. It's just picks at random. It just kills at random. It's a serial killer dwelling within the human race. A serial killer we can't catch or hold on to long enough to defeat. Chemo is supposed to be the superhero against this villain, but sometimes, just sometimes, I think it's an accomplice.

Another thing that angers me about Cancer? (and I know y'all just love my rants and probably want me to shut up now)...another thing, is the "sympathizers". The people who have never witnessed a destruction to a person and their family like that of cancer. The people who say "oh, I understand! It'll all get better. Just be strong! And pray!" how? How can we be strong when a lot of the times the person we're being forced to be strong for was the strongest person we know?! How do you understand what is going through our minds at night when you have never walked into a hospital room and saw your loved one frail, thin (or bloated because of chemo), not able to fully speak, and most heart crushing of all, sometimes not even aware that you are there or (worst of all) WHO you are?!?! That was my uncle sitting in his recliner, most of the time I was there, he called me different names. The strong man who used to sit me on his lap and draw me funny pictures or play me silly songs on his guitar...had no idea who I was. If you've never experienced that, then you damn sure don't understand. And I pray to God and thank him that you don't and hopefully never will. But how do you know that it'll get better? My uncles odds? Like 1% of the patients for this form of cancer live a long life past their "expiration date". My uncle lived a few months after his, but it still got him in the end. And what's a few months?! Nothing to a family. Absolutely nothing. The only thing true that they usually say is: "Just pray!!". Pray until you can't pray anymore. And forgive them for not knowing. Forgive them for trying to help you when they don't understand. Let them love you and let them help you be strong. Let those people who want to hug you constantly, hug you, because a lot of the time, they don't know what else to do or say and that's all they can think of in that moment. And everybody needs a good hug. It will help a little. Maybe not on the worse days, but sometimes, it'll help. Sometimes the people are hugging you because they themselves need a hug. Just let it go, and accept it. You'll probably find out who your true friends are when something like this happens. Those that will text or call you when you post an especially sad fb status. Those that will keep up with your loved ones progresses, and not mention when something bad has happened with their diagnosis. Those that will lend a shoulder to cry on and an ear to vent into at 1 am just because you really needed to get the anger out. Those that will come to the funeral for moral support. It's those people that you want to be around. It's those people who may not understand but will try their hardest to lend you strength when you need it most. But most of all, lean on God. And don't bottle it all up. You'll implode, trust me.

I think this post got a little off track...whoops. But, I'm all out of tears tonight, and I really must get to bed soon.
But I'll close with this: someone will probably call/text me or are thinking it as they read this, but they'll say/think: "wow Shannon. You sound really angry!!!" I am. I am very angry. I am upset and hurt. I am heart broken and devastated. I am tired. I am depressed that what was going to be such a happy year for me, may just as well turn out like the past 10, and end with another funeral. I am a very pissed person. I apologize if I have offended you. But I will not apologize for my anger. I will not apologize for speaking out so aggressively against something that has plagued one side of my family for YEARS. And probably will continue to do so. More importantly though, I refuse to back down. I refuse to give in to this plague from Satan. I refuse to let my faith waiver, even slightly. I made that mistake once, I will not do it again.
I will stand strong beside my family. And try to help them through this.
And with/for others as well. Anybody I know who is going through this can get in touch with me whenever they need to talk. I have no qualms at all about it. Everybody needs support. And it helps if the person they're talking to has a background with this type of stuff. So, if you need me, get in touch with me. Whenever you need it.

Just keep in mind something I thought of after my Nanny passed:: "Cancer is a bitch. But, every dog has its day."

Now, I NEED my bed. ;)
As always, with Love & Laughter (albeit, less from this post...)
And God Bless.
<3