Stop. Before you even start to exit out of this post, please, just stop. Hear me out. Read on. The fact that you clicked on this says a lot. Most likely you are either an addict yourself, or have a loved one that is.
It doesn't matter what you're addicted to. Drugs, gambling, alcohol; just to name a few common addictions. You may say "this is MY life, and I will do what I want with it.". Yeah, you can. But understand that what you do effects people that love you, whether you believe it or not.
Don't make your family bury you too soon.
Don't make your parent's mourn the loss of a child, and wonder what they did wrong.
Don't make your children pray that you survive another day.
Don't make your children constantly think of how they're going to pay for your funeral should you die. Or worse, don't make them think about what they will say to all of your family and friends as a eulogy. Don't make that eulogy be a lie.
Don't miss out on one chance to see your family.
Don't miss graduations, ball games, dance or band recitals, reunions, birthday parties, etc.
Don't miss once chance to see your grandkids beautiful faces, or hear their laughter.
Don't make promises that you know you cannot keep.
Just, don't.
I know. I know that all of that is easier said than done for an addict. I get that. Get help. If you have one single person in your life that has asked you to get help, do it. Because you are loved. You owe it to yourself to feel that love.
No matter what it is that you're blaming your addiction on. Seek help.
It's out there. If it's mental disorders, eating disorders, actual pain,
depression, heartbroken, whatever it is. Somebody can help you. You have to seek it out.
Your kids may be mad at you, and not speaking to you. But if you have kids that have given an ultimatum: "Us or the drugs". Choose them. Always choose them. Choose your kids, their spouses, and especially your grandkids. You can not get out of addiction alive and whole. It's impossible. If you continue on, you will go to jail, or die. There's no debate on that. How many friends have you lost to overdoses? Don't put your family through that.
If you have family, especially children, that have stopped speaking to you because of your addiction; please know that it is because they can no longer watch you slowly kill yourself. Please know that they still love you, they still want you, and they desperately want you in their lives. That's why they offered an ultimatum. If your children have offered you an ultimatum, know that they would give whatever they could to have their parents back. Healthy and whole. Addiction free. How do I know this? Because I would.
Sunday, October 9, 2016
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Screaming At God
A few days ago I was talking to a friend, via Facebook. I felt like I had a word for her. I'd felt this "word" for a couple weeks, and finally couldn't hold it in any longer. It spilled out, and we ended up having a conversation about her infertility. Which is a touchy enough subject, alone. Adding in God makes it even more sensitive. I apologized for my possible intrusion upon their religious beliefs, of which I know nothing about their preferences. She informed me that I hadn't intruded at all, and they truly needed to hear what I had to say, and that they were so very thankful.
They've been trying for a few years to conceive, she was venting to me and I was listening. At one point my response was "I know God has a plan for you all!". Wait. Did I just say that?
While I 100% wholeheartedly agree, I had to backtrack. I do think God has a plan for every single person. It doesn't always make the reciepemt of that comment feel any better. And I know that all to well. This is what I said:
"I agree. It's not easy. It is so hard to remain faithful when you just want to give up. When you think you're doing everything you can and should be doing, and it's just not working out. You feel that your prayers go unanswered, and your faith dwindles every day you're not pregnant. It's easy for me to say "God has a plan!" because I'm not going through what you all are, I know that's probably one of the most over stated and useless comments for you all. Ever. I think that would make it harder. I don't know why I even said that. I know how I feel in regards to Owen, when people say that. I smile, tight lipped of course, and say "yep! He sure does!" but deep down inside, I'm seething. I'm thinking "well, what is it God? What's your master plan?! Where does all of THIS fall into THAT plan?! The plan I'm hoping for. The plan I'm betting on being grand. Can I see a blueprint? An outline? How about a brainstorming session between you, Jesus and the Holy Ghost?! How about including me. Anything? No? So, I just wait. That's great. Thanks." And it SUCKS! But later on, after all that has passed, and I'm not angry or mentally screaming at God anymore; I apologize. I envision God sitting up there, knowing how mad I am. He knew I would be mad before I even felt that first red hot flame trickle through me. He's sitting with his elbow propped on a desk, chin in hand, and he's smiling. He's like "look at you. All fired up. You're so cute when you're mad. You're such a fireball. So ready to take on the world for your babies. That's why I gave them to you! That's your role in this plan! You're the Momma! I entrusted these children to you for a reason that may not even happen in your lifetime. Don't fret. Look what I've brought you through!! Do you think I did all that work and put you through all that I did just to forsake you? No, my child. But you can scream at me all you want. I'll bear the brunt of your anger. That's what I'm here for." And it dawns on me. That's what he's there for! He's there for us to turn all our problems and anger and sadness to. That's what he wants us to do. He wants to shoulder that burden for us.
When it's easier to scream at God, I think you've reached a point where you're truly giving him all of your troubles. All of your pain, sadness, stress, all of it."
And it's true! So true! I'm the most impatient person ever, I hate waiting. I hate not knowing. I don't like surprises or waiting games. We all know that those are some of Gods finest gifts. Surprises.
I know, I know. I don't have it as bad as some, I'm not struggling like others. My child is alive, I have children. The list of "I'm not" and "I don't" goes on and on. I know there are people way worse off than me. This isn't a competition, or a pity party. This is me being real.
I'm sure someone is reading this and thinking "I have never and would never scream at God! How dare you!" I promise, I have a point. You may not like it, but I've got a point.
My point is this: God is there for you. Always has been, always will be. He's constant. Infinite. He wants to bear our burdens, shoulder our pain, and rejoice in our happiness. He wants us to know that. And He wants us to share all of that with Him. I truly think that when you get to the point that you feel like you can scream at God, and ask him the hard questions. Maybe back talk a little. I think you've reached an amazing place in your relationship with him. Total comfort. Personally, I don't scream and cry and back talk strangers. Mostly my husband. My family. My loved ones. Those that I cherish, and those that I don't care to show my true emotions, because I know that at the end of the day their love for me is unconditional. I have their grace, and their mercy. They forgive me for my wrongdoings. But, mostly, they love me, for me. Always have, and always will. Sound familiar?
Screaming At God
A few days ago I was talking to a friend, via Facebook. I felt like I had a word for her. I'd felt this "word" for a couple weeks, and finally couldn't hold it in any longer. It spilled out, and we ended up having a conversation about her infertility. Which is a touchy enough subject, alone. Adding in God makes it even more sensitive. I apologized for my possible intrusion upon their religious beliefs, of which I know nothing about their preferences. She informed me that I hadn't intruded at all, and they truly needed to hear what I had to say, and that they were so very thankful.
They've been trying for a few years to conceive, she was venting to me and I was listening. At one point my response was "I know God has a plan for you all!". Wait. Did I just say that?
While I 100% wholeheartedly agree, I had to backtrack. I do think God has a plan for every single person. It doesn't always make the reciepemt of that comment feel any better. And I know that all to well. This is what I said:
"I agree. It's not easy. It is so hard to remain faithful when you just want to give up. When you think you're doing everything you can and should be doing, and it's just not working out. You feel that your prayers go unanswered, and your faith dwindles every day you're not pregnant. It's easy for me to say "God has a plan!" because I'm not going through what you all are, I know that's probably one of the most over stated and useless comments for you all. Ever. I think that would make it harder. I don't know why I even said that. I know how I feel in regards to Owen, when people say that. I smile, tight lipped of course, and say "yep! He sure does!" but deep down inside, I'm seething. I'm thinking "well, what is it God? What's your master plan?! Where does all of THIS fall into THAT plan?! The plan I'm hoping for. The plan I'm betting on being grand. Can I see a blueprint? An outline? How about a brainstorming session between you, Jesus and the Holy Ghost?! How about including me. Anything? No? So, I just wait. That's great. Thanks." And it SUCKS! But later on, after all that has passed, and I'm not angry or mentally screaming at God anymore; I apologize. I envision God sitting up there, knowing how mad I am. He knew I would be mad before I even felt that first red hot flame trickle through me. He's sitting with his elbow propped on a desk, chin in hand, and he's smiling. He's like "look at you. All fired up. You're so cute when you're mad. You're such a fireball. So ready to take on the world for your babies. That's why I gave them to you! That's your role in this plan! You're the Momma! I entrusted these children to you for a reason that may not even happen in your lifetime. Don't fret. Look what I've brought you through!! Do you think I did all that work and put you through all that I did just to forsake you? No, my child. But you can scream at me all you want. I'll bear the brunt of your anger. That's what I'm here for." And it dawns on me. That's what he's there for! He's there for us to turn all our problems and anger and sadness to. That's what he wants us to do. He wants to shoulder that burden for us.
When it's easier to scream at God, I think you've reached a point where you're truly giving him all of your troubles. All of your pain, sadness, stress, all of it."
And it's true! So true! I'm the most impatient person ever, I hate waiting. I hate not knowing. I don't like surprises or wishing games. We all know that those are some of Gods finest gifts. Surprises.
I know, I know. I don't have it as bad as some, I'm not struggling like others. My child is alive, I have children. The list of "I'm not" and "I don't" goes on and on. I know there are peopl way worse than me. This isn't a completion, or a pity party. This is me being real.
I'm sure someone is reading this and thinking "I have never and would never scream at God! How dare you!" I promise, I have a point. You may not like it, but I've got a point.
My point is this: God is there for you. Always has been, always will be. He's constant. Infinite. He wants to bear our burdens, shoulder our pain, and rejoice in our happiness. He wants us to know that. And He wants us to share all of that with Him. I truly think that when you get to the point that you feel like you can scream at God, and ask him the hard questions. Maybe back talk a little. I think you've reached an amazing place in your relationship with him. Total comfort. Personally, I don't scream and cry and back talk strangers. Mostly my husband. My family. My loved ones. Those that I cherish, and those that I don't care to show my true emotions, because I know that at the end of the day their love for me is unconditional. I have their grace, and their mercy. They forgive me for my wrongdoings. But, mostly, they love me, for me. Always have, and always will. Sound familiar?
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
My Joshie
My husband is amazing. I say this a lot, but he really is. All wives are supposed to feel this way about their main man, I know that. Just like all moms are wired to believe that their kids are the most perfect children in the world. He truly is the most perfect man.
Hardworking and caring. Loving and compassionate. Proud and strong. A real family man. These are just a few of his attributes.
No person is perfect. I know that, also. I've met just few that come as close to it as he does. Perfection, in my opinion, doesn't necessarily mean being without flaw. All humans are flawed. That's nature. Perfection, is doing what is right, even if it's not what everybody else is doing. Perfection, is taking care of your family. Perfection, is standing up for what you believe in, 100%. Perfection, like most things, can be defined in any numerous ways.
Perfection, from any husband, is putting up with the craziness that your wife calls reality. Putting up with in laws. Putting up with the bullshit and drama. Putting up with shopping trips and home decorating. Late night baking because she wants cookies and "yes, I know I said that I'm fat last night!". The emotions, the highs and the lows. The hour that it takes to get ready, no matter the occasion. The constant need for new, seemingly random and trivial, stuff. My creative outbursts. My love for books, even though he doesn't read. Those moments when I yell, because that's what I know. Those moments when I do really stupid stuff. The need to photograph every single thing and moment. When I had to have chickens, and even building me a coop. When I'm acting like a spoiled brat. Or when I quit my job.
Perfection, from any husband, is putting up with the craziness that your wife calls reality. Putting up with in laws. Putting up with the bullshit and drama. Putting up with shopping trips and home decorating. Late night baking because she wants cookies and "yes, I know I said that I'm fat last night!". The emotions, the highs and the lows. The hour that it takes to get ready, no matter the occasion. The constant need for new, seemingly random and trivial, stuff. My creative outbursts. My love for books, even though he doesn't read. Those moments when I yell, because that's what I know. Those moments when I do really stupid stuff. The need to photograph every single thing and moment. When I had to have chickens, and even building me a coop. When I'm acting like a spoiled brat. Or when I quit my job.
Being able to laugh at it all at the end of the day. A sense of humor is one of his finest qualities. My husband, the comedian. Always making me laugh and smile, even when I'm trying SO very hard to be mad. Or sad. He has shown me that just because you laugh at seemingly immature comedy, doesn't necessarily mean you're immature. He's also shown me that laughter REALLY is the best medicine, and it's so very good for your soul. And for a relationship.
I don't say it enough, but I am so thankful. So thankful that I have him. Thankful that he's in my life and that I have someone to support me. No matter what. I'm so thankful for all the awesome people he has brought into my life. It's amazing. But, all those people helped shape him into the great man he is today. I am so very proud of him. So very proud to be able to say "yeah, he's mine." every chance that I can.
I'm thankful be cause he accepted me for me, when few have. For loving me when it was really hard to do so. For stepping up, and being a father to my son. For being the man that my son needed/needs. For being the man that I needed/needs. For being the best Dad that I have seriously ever met in my entire life. For sticking it out when it's tough. For spoiling me when he can. For treating me like a woman. And for treating me like all women deserve to be treated. For building a home and a life with me. For supporting me through everything. For killing spiders and other creepy crawlies. For doing all the crazy things that I want to do. For putting up with me general.
They say that a man that treats his woman like a princess was raised in the arms of a queen. That is so true. His mother is fabulous and definitely a queen. And his father is one of the best men I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I love them both so much. They're the reason that my husband is the man he is today. When I met them, I knew that I would never be the same. I also felt the unconditional love they had for their son(s). I am so lucky to have been able to witness that!
I'm sure people are wondering why I'm writing all this. Besides the fact that it is absolutely true. I saw an ad for a contest, for best husband/husband of the year. Some little thing where you pay to enter and it's a scam. But it got me thinking about what I would say if I were to enter Joshua into something like that. I'm sure he would be beaten out by a soldier, a survivor, a man who has conquered it all and then some, some man who saved another persons life. While they're all great, and very deserving. I don't need to enter my husband into a contest to know that he is the best. He's the best to me. He may not have fought in a war or survived some impossible thing, or saved a life. But, he did save me.
I love you: my comedian, spider killing, loving, caring, doting, hardworking, godly, stud muffin of an amazing bearded husband. To the moon and back, forever and ever, Amen.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Red Chair Musings
If you had told me 10 years ago that I would be a wife and mother of 2 at 24, I would have laughed at you. I would have told you that you are silly and that you obviously do not know me very well. I would have showed you my report cards and told you about all the plans that I had for my life. Being a veterinarian was my dream and goal. I didn't want kids. I didn't want to get married. Actually, the whole thought of kids and a husband was appalling to me.
It's funny how things change, isn't it?
Sitting here in my little red recliner made for short people, reading a book and listening to the sleepy wisps of breath from my sweet angel and the songs from her soothe and glow seahorse over the baby monitor; I think of how much has changed.
I've grown and changed so much. My thoughts on what makes a person happy and what makes me happy are very different than when I was 14. Obviously, I am aware that those things change in time. But at 14, I had my life figured out. However, I hadn't factored God's plan into that.
I had the world on a string, as my father so lovingly puts it, and (according to some) I dropped it. Actually, I used dull kitchen scissors and snipped that string. I had great grades and was well on my way to college. I received an almost full ride to UK. I was well on my way to being a veterinarian. My dream! My goal! And then I got pregnant. Some would think "well, there goes that...and your highschool diploma as well!". I'm pretty sure people had bets that I wouldn't complete highschool or go to college. After 5 semesters at UK, I was suspended and accepted back under probation. But, I didn't return. I decided to work for awhile. I do wish I had finished school, just so I can say that I did. The degree, at this point, doesn't even seem to matter anymore.
Another change, so many loved ones are not here with us. Which is probably the saddest thing to me. I so would have loved a generational photo with my Nanny and babies. I can see it now, a photo of my beloved Nanny holding her namesake! A photo of my cousin Chris with Brendon Christopher, his namesake. Precious photo's that I will never have. I've written about loved ones before, but a person never truly knows the influence they have on others. A person never truly understands how influential someone is to them until they are gone. I remember stuff that my Nanny said to me when I was little. You know what I'm talking about, little tid bits of knowledge that only a grandparent can dole out to their grandkids. Stuff said in passing, that they intend to elaborate on later when said child is old enough to understand. My Nanny was full of those "tid bits", for instance:
"Always read your recipe before starting...and preheat your oven first."
"A woman can be beautiful on the outside AND on the inside...Sometimes she needs more Mary-Kay for the outside though, and that's all right."
"Paying for your own jewelry means you can have as much you want!"
"Shoes. We need shoes. Lets get shoes."
"Take good care of your hands and feet. You'll need those."
" Shannon Lynn...you're too damn old to swim in the pool naked!"
That last one has served me well over the years. There are so many things that she said to me, I'm sure she never thought about it, and definitely wouldn't think that I would remember it now.
Like: "You can be pretty much whatever you want. You can do pretty much whatever you want. But sometimes, that's not what is best for you. And sometimes, you do stuff you don't want to do, just to make your family happy. In the end, if you're happy...then those "sometimes", they're ok. If you're family is happy, then those "sometimes", they're great. Like I said Shannon Lynn, sometimes, what you want...it's not what you need. And you don't NEED another cookie right now...*sigh*smile*...but WANTING it is half the battle, half the fun"
And, "Be nice to your sister..."
The cliched "don't judge a book by it's cover" with a twist added "...especially if it's homeless." (One of my dad and grandpa's biggest pet peeves of hers is that she ALWAYS gave homeless people money.)
One of my favorites: "Classy ladies drink Ale8 with a straw...oh, and wear fun sunglasses!"
People say that knowledge is power. And power is mighty. I guess everybody's definition of knowledge varies, because I'm sure the expert's would not classify "how to drink an Ale8" and "how old is too old to skinny dip" as knowledge.
At the end of the day, my life is not what I intended it to be. It's not what I wanted 10 years ago. But it is what I need right now. And, hell, it's what I want. I'm not a veterinarian. I don't have a degree of any kind. Instead, I have a family. I have 2 of the best kids ever and an amazing husband. I have people to pass all of this "knowledge" onto. They say that you can't have the sun (or rainbow, depending on who is doling out the quotes) without the rain. I've had my fair share of rain, and right now, I'm basking under the sun. And a double rainbow, for that matter!
Yeah, for the most part, those sometimes. They're pretty great.
With Love, & Laughter.
LaShannon
LaShannon
God Bless.
Friday, February 7, 2014
The State of Happiness is Not a Figment of My Imagination.
It feels like every time I start a post, I include a "oh wow...it's been awhile..." prologue. I think everybody now knows that I am (unfortunately) a very inconsistent person when it comes to blogging. VERY inconsistent. So, I'm going to try to not do that anymore. Those that read my blog have already learned not to count on me to post regularly.
I do believe that the last time I posted, I was very pregnant. Baby girl arrived safely and easily, and will be 3 months old tomorrow! It's crazy how time flies.
This is where this post starts. Three months ago.
I went in to be induced November 7th. With my son, I went into labor, and ended up having a VERY traumatic experience, mostly due to the idiot doctor I had chosen. 15 year old girls do not have a very broad spectrum of people to ask about doctors. So, my doctor that time around was horrible. I chose a different doctor this time, and he was wonderful. I love them! When I went in, I was already dilated to 3, so they did all their necessary things and started me on a medicine that helps with dilation that is inserted. Then, I had my epidural at around 5 am on the 8th. Fabulous things, those epidurals. Then my precious baby started getting distressed. Contractions would hit, and her vitals would drop. This went on for a little while, then the nurse decided that I should roll to my side. Which, is a task in itself after an epidural. Then, the worse thing of the whole process happened. Her vitals bottomed out. They flipped me immediately to my other side and after a few seconds she picked back up. All the while my awesome little nurse was checking me, I was dilating at a pretty good speed and the time was getting nearer. My poor husband was beside himself, and never knew that our Cali girl was in distress until a few days after she was born. That was a miracle in itself. Finally, I was dilated to 9 and the nurse called the doctor in. As he was getting all his scrubs on, she asked me to do a "practice push". I complied. My poor doctor, half dressed, yelled "whoa! Stop! She's coming!" I was like "whaaaat?!" I had had such a horrible labor/delivery with my son, I had spent 10 months preparing myself for another. I had mentally prepared myself, and attempted to prepare my husband, for the possible outcome. And, if necessary, for a cesarean. I just knew, that I was going to be rushed in for a C-Section. As soon as my doctor was ready, I pushed two times..and she was here! It was amazing. I was in shock. How could it be that easy?! It wasn't that easy before!! 7 lbs and 11 oz. 19.5 inches long. Cali Rae Darlene Spencer, arrived at 8:32 am on November the 8th. My mom and sister, and almost all of my in-laws were there to greet her. My husband had a goofy grin on his face the entire time that I did kangaroo care and I could tell he couldn't wait to get his hands on her. Everybody came in to look at her. Everybody just ooohhed and ahhhhed. At the time I was unaware that my mother in law had sent out a mass text and told everybody to pray because Cali was in distress, that was around 8 am. Shortly there after was when her vitals started picking back up. She also sent out a mass text of her first picture ever. I didn't want any criers in the room, I didn't want to cry. And I never did cry. I smiled a lot though. And then, then Aunt Casey came in the room. Before she even laid eyes on Cali, she was saying "she's so beautiful!" I still didn't know about the text or the picture. I was like "how do you know?! You haven't even seen her! And your eyes are closed!" She cried and went on about how beautiful she was and I don't even know what else. Then, almost everybody was crying. It was beautiful in all. I wouldn't trade a minute of it.
My husband still looks at Cali with a goofy grin on his face. Casey still half cries when she sees her, and says how beautiful she is. My mother in law, Cathy aka: Yaya, does as well. Everybody is happy. So very happy.
Happy. That's a word that I haven't used to describe myself in a long time. It's always been there. At certain moments. But, it's been a long while since I could say that I am a "happy person". My son has always made me more than happy, over joyed and ecstatic at times. My husband as well. I love my family, and even though they drive me crazy for the most part, I was relatively happy around them as well. But, not ever "really happy". I don't know how to describe it. Not really the feeling of something was missing. Maybe, a feeling of being lost? I'm not sure. But, whatever it was, I felt that way. Someday I may be able to come back and update this section with the correct term. Until then, lets just say that I wasn't "really happy", whatever that means.
It's not just the birth of my daughter that has made me feel "really happy". It's my current life, I think. Maybe I've found myself. This blog post has been about 6-7 months coming. But, the other night, I really and truly realized just how blessed I am.
We've had some awful, snowy, icy and cold weather as of late. As in, my son has only went to school half of this last month. (And, he is a wild child throughout the day as a result) Because of that, and the fact that my husband works 2nd shift, I ended up having my father in law pick me up from work late one night. I got off work at 10 pm, and he was there. Shopping for rain boots, but he was there waiting on me! He usually goes to bed between 9-9:30 pm, so I felt really special that he came out to get me. On the way home, I got to thinking about how very blessed I am.
Seriously, almost crying about it. It's amazing how well things have worked out lately.
I had been looking for a job. I didn't want to return to any fast food type places. So, since I didn't really need to work unless I wanted spending money or extra money for us as a family to play with, I applied at places that I would like to work. I applied everywhere! Even to a few kitchen positions. I was to the point that I was about to resort to applying at factories, which neither I nor my husband wanted. But, I wanted to be able to buy stuff for my family without having to get the credit card or money from my husband. I wanted "my own" money, I guess you could say. So, I waited. Like any applicant does. It's really horrible waiting for that call. Just sitting. And waiting. Every. Single. Day. Cathy had officially shut down the restaurant so that freed up a ton of everybody's time. Then, Walmart called! I was so excited! I went to the interviews, and the job offering meeting. Not only was I going to get a job, but I was going to be paid over minimum wage due to the experience that I had. So far, I love it. But, I was worried about the uniform. I would have to supply that myself. I was broke. And really didn't want to ask my husband to buy my uniforms since we really needed that money for bills. Then, one of my great friends hosted a boudoir photo party. Money, on the spot. I was able to buy uniforms and some other necessities that we needed (I'll be honest, and a few things that we wanted...). Everything worked out so well.
I can't stop saying it! I'm so blessed! I just want to yell it! I'M SO BLESSED! Not quiet as effective via text though.
I have a job. I am in great health. I have a home. I have water, electric, etc. And extra stuff such as internet and satellite and a nice cellphone. I have a newer model car that is in great condition. I have a handsome, talented, intelligent, sometimes spoiled, church loving, 8 year old son. I have numerous people that I trust to watch my children, for free! I have a gorgeous, sweet, precious, smart, and extremely spoiled (girls are easier to spoil) 3 month old daughter. I have a fabulous, amazing, awesome, God loving, extremely smart and talented, loving, caring, and 100 other things husband. I have two brother & sister in laws that are great, and are literally some of the most giving people I know. Apart from my husband, I have 3 other men in my life who I can trust to get me from point A to point B if I need them to. I have an AMAZING mother and father in law that love us unconditionally. Seriously, so freaking amazing. Plus, all my other in laws that just as grand. I've gained a whole new, awesome family. I'm very, very blessed in that aspect alone. My kids and husband and other loved ones are all healthy. I love my church and church family. I just love everything!! I don't know how many times I've wanted to make my status on Facebook say: "I just love everybody today!"! Even though, I'm sure I could name "somebody's" that I most definitely do not love that day...I just feel like I love everybody. It's awesome!
It's amazing. It's amazing to me how God works everything out. Every little detail. From uniforms, to a job, to even who is going to babysit. It all has worked out. And, I believe that it will all continue to work out. He is truly amazing. The power of prayer is truly an admirable thing, as well.
Back to this whole happiness thing. I wake up happy. No, that's a lie. I open my eyes and function in zombie mode with an attitude...then an hour or so later I wake up happy. I go to bed happy. I don't stress. I've quit arguing with my parents and being more assertive with them when they try to argue with me. Surprisingly, that's working really well. I've realized that just because others want to be miserable and unhappy doesn't mean that I should be as well. I don't let people get to me as much, and am doing more to not cause friction between myself and others. Just because I know something or think something, doesn't mean it needs to be said...or posted online. Some things are better kept to myself, and sometimes it is better for others to realize things on their own, no matter how bad I think I should tell them. I make it a point to not go to bed mad anymore. Even if Joshua and I are arguing over something (which is becoming more and more less frequent), I do not let him just go to bed until we have settled it. I like Josh being on 2nd shift because I get to cuddle up to him at night. And that's one of my favorite parts of my day.
Speaking of Josh, he's playing some video game...so my train of thought has crashed about 4 times now....he's so distracting...mostly because his commentary is hilarious.
Oh, that's another blessing!! A sense of humor. I love to laugh. And I laugh more often now than I did before. My husband is hilarious. He's always cracking me up.
There went my train of thought again....
I am constantly in awe of Gods love for me. And, I'm so undeserving of it. No matter what I do, He is there to provide for me in some way, some how.
Now, I do know that I have some friends that do not believe in God. And are atheists. Cool beans, bro. But, before you start with the comments and questions and all this. Don't. Just don't. Another blessing for me is that I do not have to validate my belief, nor do I need to push it on you. So, please, be respectful, and do the same. I am not saying that I am perfect. I am not, and never will be. I am human, therefore I sin. I'm just as fickle as the next person, and will be until the day that I die. The awesomeness of God's love, is that I'm already forgiven, no matter what! However, just because I know it will be a question that will be asked, I'll answer it for you anyways: Random person: Why do you believe? Me: Because. When I had NOTHING else to believe in, when I felt that my world was crumbling around me, and I was lost; When I so desperately NEEDED and CRAVED something to believe in...God was there. You do not come out of a crazy, messed up life such as the one I was raised with, without that need and craving. I can proudly say that I am NOT a product of my raising, and I can thank God for that. When I truly felt alone, I never really was. And never really am.
As always, with Love & Laughter,
LaShannon
God Bless. <3
I do believe that the last time I posted, I was very pregnant. Baby girl arrived safely and easily, and will be 3 months old tomorrow! It's crazy how time flies.
This is where this post starts. Three months ago.
I went in to be induced November 7th. With my son, I went into labor, and ended up having a VERY traumatic experience, mostly due to the idiot doctor I had chosen. 15 year old girls do not have a very broad spectrum of people to ask about doctors. So, my doctor that time around was horrible. I chose a different doctor this time, and he was wonderful. I love them! When I went in, I was already dilated to 3, so they did all their necessary things and started me on a medicine that helps with dilation that is inserted. Then, I had my epidural at around 5 am on the 8th. Fabulous things, those epidurals. Then my precious baby started getting distressed. Contractions would hit, and her vitals would drop. This went on for a little while, then the nurse decided that I should roll to my side. Which, is a task in itself after an epidural. Then, the worse thing of the whole process happened. Her vitals bottomed out. They flipped me immediately to my other side and after a few seconds she picked back up. All the while my awesome little nurse was checking me, I was dilating at a pretty good speed and the time was getting nearer. My poor husband was beside himself, and never knew that our Cali girl was in distress until a few days after she was born. That was a miracle in itself. Finally, I was dilated to 9 and the nurse called the doctor in. As he was getting all his scrubs on, she asked me to do a "practice push". I complied. My poor doctor, half dressed, yelled "whoa! Stop! She's coming!" I was like "whaaaat?!" I had had such a horrible labor/delivery with my son, I had spent 10 months preparing myself for another. I had mentally prepared myself, and attempted to prepare my husband, for the possible outcome. And, if necessary, for a cesarean. I just knew, that I was going to be rushed in for a C-Section. As soon as my doctor was ready, I pushed two times..and she was here! It was amazing. I was in shock. How could it be that easy?! It wasn't that easy before!! 7 lbs and 11 oz. 19.5 inches long. Cali Rae Darlene Spencer, arrived at 8:32 am on November the 8th. My mom and sister, and almost all of my in-laws were there to greet her. My husband had a goofy grin on his face the entire time that I did kangaroo care and I could tell he couldn't wait to get his hands on her. Everybody came in to look at her. Everybody just ooohhed and ahhhhed. At the time I was unaware that my mother in law had sent out a mass text and told everybody to pray because Cali was in distress, that was around 8 am. Shortly there after was when her vitals started picking back up. She also sent out a mass text of her first picture ever. I didn't want any criers in the room, I didn't want to cry. And I never did cry. I smiled a lot though. And then, then Aunt Casey came in the room. Before she even laid eyes on Cali, she was saying "she's so beautiful!" I still didn't know about the text or the picture. I was like "how do you know?! You haven't even seen her! And your eyes are closed!" She cried and went on about how beautiful she was and I don't even know what else. Then, almost everybody was crying. It was beautiful in all. I wouldn't trade a minute of it.
My husband still looks at Cali with a goofy grin on his face. Casey still half cries when she sees her, and says how beautiful she is. My mother in law, Cathy aka: Yaya, does as well. Everybody is happy. So very happy.
Happy. That's a word that I haven't used to describe myself in a long time. It's always been there. At certain moments. But, it's been a long while since I could say that I am a "happy person". My son has always made me more than happy, over joyed and ecstatic at times. My husband as well. I love my family, and even though they drive me crazy for the most part, I was relatively happy around them as well. But, not ever "really happy". I don't know how to describe it. Not really the feeling of something was missing. Maybe, a feeling of being lost? I'm not sure. But, whatever it was, I felt that way. Someday I may be able to come back and update this section with the correct term. Until then, lets just say that I wasn't "really happy", whatever that means.
It's not just the birth of my daughter that has made me feel "really happy". It's my current life, I think. Maybe I've found myself. This blog post has been about 6-7 months coming. But, the other night, I really and truly realized just how blessed I am.
We've had some awful, snowy, icy and cold weather as of late. As in, my son has only went to school half of this last month. (And, he is a wild child throughout the day as a result) Because of that, and the fact that my husband works 2nd shift, I ended up having my father in law pick me up from work late one night. I got off work at 10 pm, and he was there. Shopping for rain boots, but he was there waiting on me! He usually goes to bed between 9-9:30 pm, so I felt really special that he came out to get me. On the way home, I got to thinking about how very blessed I am.
Seriously, almost crying about it. It's amazing how well things have worked out lately.
I had been looking for a job. I didn't want to return to any fast food type places. So, since I didn't really need to work unless I wanted spending money or extra money for us as a family to play with, I applied at places that I would like to work. I applied everywhere! Even to a few kitchen positions. I was to the point that I was about to resort to applying at factories, which neither I nor my husband wanted. But, I wanted to be able to buy stuff for my family without having to get the credit card or money from my husband. I wanted "my own" money, I guess you could say. So, I waited. Like any applicant does. It's really horrible waiting for that call. Just sitting. And waiting. Every. Single. Day. Cathy had officially shut down the restaurant so that freed up a ton of everybody's time. Then, Walmart called! I was so excited! I went to the interviews, and the job offering meeting. Not only was I going to get a job, but I was going to be paid over minimum wage due to the experience that I had. So far, I love it. But, I was worried about the uniform. I would have to supply that myself. I was broke. And really didn't want to ask my husband to buy my uniforms since we really needed that money for bills. Then, one of my great friends hosted a boudoir photo party. Money, on the spot. I was able to buy uniforms and some other necessities that we needed (I'll be honest, and a few things that we wanted...). Everything worked out so well.
I can't stop saying it! I'm so blessed! I just want to yell it! I'M SO BLESSED! Not quiet as effective via text though.
I have a job. I am in great health. I have a home. I have water, electric, etc. And extra stuff such as internet and satellite and a nice cellphone. I have a newer model car that is in great condition. I have a handsome, talented, intelligent, sometimes spoiled, church loving, 8 year old son. I have numerous people that I trust to watch my children, for free! I have a gorgeous, sweet, precious, smart, and extremely spoiled (girls are easier to spoil) 3 month old daughter. I have a fabulous, amazing, awesome, God loving, extremely smart and talented, loving, caring, and 100 other things husband. I have two brother & sister in laws that are great, and are literally some of the most giving people I know. Apart from my husband, I have 3 other men in my life who I can trust to get me from point A to point B if I need them to. I have an AMAZING mother and father in law that love us unconditionally. Seriously, so freaking amazing. Plus, all my other in laws that just as grand. I've gained a whole new, awesome family. I'm very, very blessed in that aspect alone. My kids and husband and other loved ones are all healthy. I love my church and church family. I just love everything!! I don't know how many times I've wanted to make my status on Facebook say: "I just love everybody today!"! Even though, I'm sure I could name "somebody's" that I most definitely do not love that day...I just feel like I love everybody. It's awesome!
It's amazing. It's amazing to me how God works everything out. Every little detail. From uniforms, to a job, to even who is going to babysit. It all has worked out. And, I believe that it will all continue to work out. He is truly amazing. The power of prayer is truly an admirable thing, as well.
Back to this whole happiness thing. I wake up happy. No, that's a lie. I open my eyes and function in zombie mode with an attitude...then an hour or so later I wake up happy. I go to bed happy. I don't stress. I've quit arguing with my parents and being more assertive with them when they try to argue with me. Surprisingly, that's working really well. I've realized that just because others want to be miserable and unhappy doesn't mean that I should be as well. I don't let people get to me as much, and am doing more to not cause friction between myself and others. Just because I know something or think something, doesn't mean it needs to be said...or posted online. Some things are better kept to myself, and sometimes it is better for others to realize things on their own, no matter how bad I think I should tell them. I make it a point to not go to bed mad anymore. Even if Joshua and I are arguing over something (which is becoming more and more less frequent), I do not let him just go to bed until we have settled it. I like Josh being on 2nd shift because I get to cuddle up to him at night. And that's one of my favorite parts of my day.
Speaking of Josh, he's playing some video game...so my train of thought has crashed about 4 times now....he's so distracting...mostly because his commentary is hilarious.
Oh, that's another blessing!! A sense of humor. I love to laugh. And I laugh more often now than I did before. My husband is hilarious. He's always cracking me up.
There went my train of thought again....
I am constantly in awe of Gods love for me. And, I'm so undeserving of it. No matter what I do, He is there to provide for me in some way, some how.
Now, I do know that I have some friends that do not believe in God. And are atheists. Cool beans, bro. But, before you start with the comments and questions and all this. Don't. Just don't. Another blessing for me is that I do not have to validate my belief, nor do I need to push it on you. So, please, be respectful, and do the same. I am not saying that I am perfect. I am not, and never will be. I am human, therefore I sin. I'm just as fickle as the next person, and will be until the day that I die. The awesomeness of God's love, is that I'm already forgiven, no matter what! However, just because I know it will be a question that will be asked, I'll answer it for you anyways: Random person: Why do you believe? Me: Because. When I had NOTHING else to believe in, when I felt that my world was crumbling around me, and I was lost; When I so desperately NEEDED and CRAVED something to believe in...God was there. You do not come out of a crazy, messed up life such as the one I was raised with, without that need and craving. I can proudly say that I am NOT a product of my raising, and I can thank God for that. When I truly felt alone, I never really was. And never really am.
As always, with Love & Laughter,
LaShannon
God Bless. <3
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Paula Want a Cracker?
Oh Paula Deen. She has caused such an outrage as of late. That's all I see and hear about on Facebook and tv. It's getting old. The media should find something else to go on about.
It's not that I don't care, I do in a sense, but it's a two sided sword. If you support her, then you're racist. If you don't then you're unforgiving. As always, I do have an opinion on this topic. And, surprisingly, others as well.
My issue with Paula isn't the use of the N word. Now, let me clarify, I'm by no means saying that what she said is correct in anyway. At all. It's a dirty word and should not be said and I personally do not like it.
My problem with the whole issue is all the media attention that it has received, positive and negative.
All of the department stores and tv channels that supported her have vanished and have dropped her like a hot potato. Seriously? You sign a down home SOUTHERN woman to your label/brand and expect her to behave? You've got to be kidding me. This woman deep fried butter, and made a cheeseburger with glazed donut buns...and then cried over getting diabetes. Again, SERIOUSLY?! Lord. And we wonder why obesity is an epidemic. But, then again, that's a tad off topic...
At first, I thought the whole thing to be ignorant in general. Paula is ignorant for using the word in front of people who would obviously be offended, she's ignorant for using the word in general, but more so, she is ignorant for thinking it wouldn't get out and cause an issue. Even if it supposedly happened 27 years ago. When you're on tv, your past can always pop up to haunt you.
But, at least she apologized. Right? I mean, that was the nice thing to do. Many other old, Southern, aristocratic white women would have said "Oh, honey, no. Bless your heart. WE call our slaves "negroes"!" All while fanning her perfect ivory skin and drinking sweet tea on a huge wrap around porch under a Magnolia Tree. Oh, forever more, people.
I was lucky enough to see a clip of her Today show interview yesterday. How fabulous. How fake. When you are in the middle of a racial slur media frenzy, you do NOT randomly drop "I is what I is, and I ain't gonna change" in the middle of your APOLOGY and defensive interview.
Yes, Paula, "you is what you is." and you IS ignorant.
In other news, more states have agreed to allow same sex marriages! Yay gays! Maybe I'll get my feathers all ruffled sometime soon about that and post another long blog about it. We shall see!!
As always, with Love & Laughter.
And God Bless.
LaShannon Spencer
It's not that I don't care, I do in a sense, but it's a two sided sword. If you support her, then you're racist. If you don't then you're unforgiving. As always, I do have an opinion on this topic. And, surprisingly, others as well.
My issue with Paula isn't the use of the N word. Now, let me clarify, I'm by no means saying that what she said is correct in anyway. At all. It's a dirty word and should not be said and I personally do not like it.
My problem with the whole issue is all the media attention that it has received, positive and negative.
All of the department stores and tv channels that supported her have vanished and have dropped her like a hot potato. Seriously? You sign a down home SOUTHERN woman to your label/brand and expect her to behave? You've got to be kidding me. This woman deep fried butter, and made a cheeseburger with glazed donut buns...and then cried over getting diabetes. Again, SERIOUSLY?! Lord. And we wonder why obesity is an epidemic. But, then again, that's a tad off topic...
At first, I thought the whole thing to be ignorant in general. Paula is ignorant for using the word in front of people who would obviously be offended, she's ignorant for using the word in general, but more so, she is ignorant for thinking it wouldn't get out and cause an issue. Even if it supposedly happened 27 years ago. When you're on tv, your past can always pop up to haunt you.
But, at least she apologized. Right? I mean, that was the nice thing to do. Many other old, Southern, aristocratic white women would have said "Oh, honey, no. Bless your heart. WE call our slaves "negroes"!" All while fanning her perfect ivory skin and drinking sweet tea on a huge wrap around porch under a Magnolia Tree. Oh, forever more, people.
I was lucky enough to see a clip of her Today show interview yesterday. How fabulous. How fake. When you are in the middle of a racial slur media frenzy, you do NOT randomly drop "I is what I is, and I ain't gonna change" in the middle of your APOLOGY and defensive interview.
Yes, Paula, "you is what you is." and you IS ignorant.
In other news, more states have agreed to allow same sex marriages! Yay gays! Maybe I'll get my feathers all ruffled sometime soon about that and post another long blog about it. We shall see!!
As always, with Love & Laughter.
And God Bless.
LaShannon Spencer
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Oh, Hi. What's your name again?!
Shew. It's been awhile. A long while. And I apologize. :(
I've been busy. Busy working, and...well, and sleeping. Apparently being pregnant really wears a woman out.
I've had a few photo shoots, and two weddings as well.
I think I'm able to stay awake a few more hours longer now.
This pregnancy is so different from my pregnancy with Bitty. It's ridiculous. Which is also why I think I'm having a girl this time around. Let's hope. Fingers and toes crossed!! We find out Saturday!
I have a couple blog post ideas that I've been rattling around in my head, and now that summer is out and I don't have all the crazy night time routines with Bitty, maybe I can get some blogging done.
But, this is really my "holy crap! I have blog I need to post to!" post. Basically stating that I am in fact, back...until I forget again. ;)
With Love and Laughter,
And God Bless.
LaShannon
I've been busy. Busy working, and...well, and sleeping. Apparently being pregnant really wears a woman out.
I've had a few photo shoots, and two weddings as well.
I think I'm able to stay awake a few more hours longer now.
This pregnancy is so different from my pregnancy with Bitty. It's ridiculous. Which is also why I think I'm having a girl this time around. Let's hope. Fingers and toes crossed!! We find out Saturday!
I have a couple blog post ideas that I've been rattling around in my head, and now that summer is out and I don't have all the crazy night time routines with Bitty, maybe I can get some blogging done.
But, this is really my "holy crap! I have blog I need to post to!" post. Basically stating that I am in fact, back...until I forget again. ;)
With Love and Laughter,
And God Bless.
LaShannon
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Leggo My Eggo!! Crap. Now I'm Preggo!
Well. My husband has officially knocked me up. And I blame him, just because he keeps saying that my egg was taunting his sperm, resulting in a "tussle" (his words, not mine.) that ended up in conception. Eh, I guess that is plausible.
As my more loyal followers (and Family & Friends) know, I have a 7 year old son. Well, ya know what? WE have a 7 year old son. My husband has been a constant male role model in Brendons life for YEARS now...might as well be we. Anyways. So, we have a 7 year old son. Who is a nut. And an occasional brat. But, can seriously be one of the most lovable kids ever. And at times, he is hilarious.
Joshua has, unfortunately, never experienced the whole pregnancy and birth thing. Oh, he is in for a treat! He got lucky with Brendon and came in at like 2 yrs old. So, he is crazy excited. And I'm just sitting here like "wow....all that work, lost all that weight...now, you're going to make me fat again."....I find that funny, but then again I have a very inappropriate sense of humor (especially for the next 9 months), he does not. Something else he does not do; read my blog....go ahead and tell him Casey! :P
So, this pregnancy thing. Second go around is definitely different for me. I was all excited when I found out, I had no morning sickness at all with Brendon. Actually, it was a relatively simple, and easy going pregnancy. A long labor/birth, but that was it. Don't get me wrong. I'm still super excited. It makes it so much more exciting because of sharing it with Brendon and Joshua. I just find it hard to look at all the awesomeness of it when I have a constant migraine and am sick to my stomach all the time. The bright side of things? I don't know what that is because I can't look at it or I will hurl! Stupid migraines.
When I first told Joshua, he at first was skeptical. And asked me how correct the tests usually are. He works 3rd shift so since it was noon, and he had been asleep for a few hours already....the fact that his wife is now pregnant was not that high up on his "omg meter". Understandably so. I would have liked a little more excitement than him saying "oh...ok...don't tell anyone until we know 100% for sure..." and rolling back over. I called my family dr, told her what the deal was, and knew 100% for sure by 4pm that day. That was February 28th.
I then told my husband that he had to tell his family. I already had to tell my whole family. He could tell his own. Which he balked at. Didn't want to do it, wanted me to. I made him do it. And he was halfway embarrassed the whole time. Something about his family knowing what we had been up to....
This is my husband guys. I love him dearly. He's literally one of the best things that ever happened to me...but, he is silly. And can be exasperating at times. But, I love all the quirky things about him. :)
Reactions? Well, after my mother in law pretty much called me a liar to my face and in my own home. (ahem Cathy.) I had to get both pee sticks to show her. When I stomped off to do just that, she started yelling "OMG! SHE'S GETTING PROOF! SHE'S GETTING PROOF!" I presented her with this!
And she was still smiling, and screaming and all happy. And I didn't know what to do, so I stood there and smiled and watched. It is safe to say that she is very excited! Everybody is excited as far as I can tell really. It is definitely going to be an adventure!
My parents? Not sure that either of them really care. I think the people that I attend church with are more excited than my parents. But, I didn't expect much out them in that department anyways.
Oh! Want to see Joshua's reaction once he woke up enough to understand fully that he is going to be a dad?! It's cute.
He's adorable. And is driving me up the freaking wall. I'm serious. He walks down the steps in front of me, practically giving me a piggy back ride we're so close. He would walk beside me if we would both fit. He also yells for me if we're not in the same room every so often, just to make sure I haven't done something stupid. My dr, (who is a brilliant woman, and I love her already.) informed us that "I am not eating for 2. I am eating for 1." She's had 5-6 kids herself, so I can't say "wtf do you know, woman?!" because she does KNOW. But still. That's a horrible thing to say in front of a man. Horrible. So now, he's constantly trying to get me to eat healthier, and keeps reminding me that I am eating for only 1. Ok man, I quit smoking. Cold turkey...oooo....turkey sounds great right now....anyways, I quit smoking. What more do you want?! Let me eat my 10th cupcake in freaking peace!!
So, that's a daily battle with him. And I only have 8 more months to go! Yay!
But, we did get to see the baby, which is a lima bean right now (again, Joshua's observational skills at work there.). And hear the heart beat. Which is way cooler than seeing the blurry ultrasound picture that looks like white noise/snow on an old tv to me.
Josh had went on and on about how he wanted to hear the heartbeat because he was so worried about all this stuff. (literally....everything.) So when he heard it, well, I don't know what his face looked like because of the ultrasound process....let me tell you about that real quick.
I was unaware that the first ultrasound is done vaginally. Boy, was I surprised when I walked in and the woman pulls out this rather phallic looking device hooked to a little tv and goes "go behind the curtain here that is 2 ft wide and get naked from the waist down..."...I was like "b*tch say whaaaaaa?!!" And Josh was all wide eyed and open mouthed. NEITHER of us were expecting that. At all. And it showed.
Back to the ultrasound itself.
So, I was in no position to twist around and look behind me at my husband who for some reason committed himself to sitting in the corner behind me. But, I asked him in the car on the way home what he thought when he heard the heartbeat (I don't think he understand that ultrasound picture either.) He said his reaction was "well....there it is..." My favorite thing was the big poo eating grin that he was sporting all day. Especially when he got to show the ultrasound pic off, or when he was randomly looking at it. It makes me smile. Like I said, he's so freaking cute.
So, "here it is"....whatever this may be. I'm not ever 100% sure that this is a baby....
Also, Brendon and the "baby"...He says it looks like Joshua.
I'm going to try to post the funny things that occur throughout this pregnancy. Well, the ones that I can get by with posting. Josh would die if some were posted. He's just so funny! I can't help it. I want everybody to know how funny he is! He does not. Oh well I guess. I will try to post some though. :)
Well. It has taken me a few days to get this posted. The 16th I get another ultrasound, so if I am given new pictures, I will share them as well. I'll keep everybody updated!
With Love & Laughter.
God Bless all of you!
<3
LaShannon Spencer
(Also, I have officially changed my last name on pretty much everything that is required...I have some stuff to change it on, but nothing super important. 6 months after the wedding...I'm still working on name changes. Men are so freaking lucky!!)
As my more loyal followers (and Family & Friends) know, I have a 7 year old son. Well, ya know what? WE have a 7 year old son. My husband has been a constant male role model in Brendons life for YEARS now...might as well be we. Anyways. So, we have a 7 year old son. Who is a nut. And an occasional brat. But, can seriously be one of the most lovable kids ever. And at times, he is hilarious.
Joshua has, unfortunately, never experienced the whole pregnancy and birth thing. Oh, he is in for a treat! He got lucky with Brendon and came in at like 2 yrs old. So, he is crazy excited. And I'm just sitting here like "wow....all that work, lost all that weight...now, you're going to make me fat again."....I find that funny, but then again I have a very inappropriate sense of humor (especially for the next 9 months), he does not. Something else he does not do; read my blog....go ahead and tell him Casey! :P
So, this pregnancy thing. Second go around is definitely different for me. I was all excited when I found out, I had no morning sickness at all with Brendon. Actually, it was a relatively simple, and easy going pregnancy. A long labor/birth, but that was it. Don't get me wrong. I'm still super excited. It makes it so much more exciting because of sharing it with Brendon and Joshua. I just find it hard to look at all the awesomeness of it when I have a constant migraine and am sick to my stomach all the time. The bright side of things? I don't know what that is because I can't look at it or I will hurl! Stupid migraines.
When I first told Joshua, he at first was skeptical. And asked me how correct the tests usually are. He works 3rd shift so since it was noon, and he had been asleep for a few hours already....the fact that his wife is now pregnant was not that high up on his "omg meter". Understandably so. I would have liked a little more excitement than him saying "oh...ok...don't tell anyone until we know 100% for sure..." and rolling back over. I called my family dr, told her what the deal was, and knew 100% for sure by 4pm that day. That was February 28th.
I then told my husband that he had to tell his family. I already had to tell my whole family. He could tell his own. Which he balked at. Didn't want to do it, wanted me to. I made him do it. And he was halfway embarrassed the whole time. Something about his family knowing what we had been up to....
This is my husband guys. I love him dearly. He's literally one of the best things that ever happened to me...but, he is silly. And can be exasperating at times. But, I love all the quirky things about him. :)
Reactions? Well, after my mother in law pretty much called me a liar to my face and in my own home. (ahem Cathy.) I had to get both pee sticks to show her. When I stomped off to do just that, she started yelling "OMG! SHE'S GETTING PROOF! SHE'S GETTING PROOF!" I presented her with this!
And she was still smiling, and screaming and all happy. And I didn't know what to do, so I stood there and smiled and watched. It is safe to say that she is very excited! Everybody is excited as far as I can tell really. It is definitely going to be an adventure!
My parents? Not sure that either of them really care. I think the people that I attend church with are more excited than my parents. But, I didn't expect much out them in that department anyways.
Oh! Want to see Joshua's reaction once he woke up enough to understand fully that he is going to be a dad?! It's cute.
So, that's a daily battle with him. And I only have 8 more months to go! Yay!
But, we did get to see the baby, which is a lima bean right now (again, Joshua's observational skills at work there.). And hear the heart beat. Which is way cooler than seeing the blurry ultrasound picture that looks like white noise/snow on an old tv to me.
Josh had went on and on about how he wanted to hear the heartbeat because he was so worried about all this stuff. (literally....everything.) So when he heard it, well, I don't know what his face looked like because of the ultrasound process....let me tell you about that real quick.
I was unaware that the first ultrasound is done vaginally. Boy, was I surprised when I walked in and the woman pulls out this rather phallic looking device hooked to a little tv and goes "go behind the curtain here that is 2 ft wide and get naked from the waist down..."...I was like "b*tch say whaaaaaa?!!" And Josh was all wide eyed and open mouthed. NEITHER of us were expecting that. At all. And it showed.
Back to the ultrasound itself.
So, I was in no position to twist around and look behind me at my husband who for some reason committed himself to sitting in the corner behind me. But, I asked him in the car on the way home what he thought when he heard the heartbeat (I don't think he understand that ultrasound picture either.) He said his reaction was "well....there it is..." My favorite thing was the big poo eating grin that he was sporting all day. Especially when he got to show the ultrasound pic off, or when he was randomly looking at it. It makes me smile. Like I said, he's so freaking cute.
So, "here it is"....whatever this may be. I'm not ever 100% sure that this is a baby....
Also, Brendon and the "baby"...He says it looks like Joshua.
I'm going to try to post the funny things that occur throughout this pregnancy. Well, the ones that I can get by with posting. Josh would die if some were posted. He's just so funny! I can't help it. I want everybody to know how funny he is! He does not. Oh well I guess. I will try to post some though. :)
Well. It has taken me a few days to get this posted. The 16th I get another ultrasound, so if I am given new pictures, I will share them as well. I'll keep everybody updated!
With Love & Laughter.
God Bless all of you!
<3
LaShannon Spencer
(Also, I have officially changed my last name on pretty much everything that is required...I have some stuff to change it on, but nothing super important. 6 months after the wedding...I'm still working on name changes. Men are so freaking lucky!!)
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Underpaid & Overworked
Recent revelation about blogging: I am HORRIBLE at layouts and all that. I honestly get frustrated and just give up and give in to my blog looking all crazy. And, I still have not found out how to add a "gadget" thing that allows people to click a button to "follow" me. Despite one persons fabulous comment with great instructions, I can not find it! Ugh. Story of my life, I am always unable to find something. Never fails. On to my blog post/rant of the night...
Let me start out by saying this: I was never a model student. I got into trouble. I caused my fair share as well. But, I was FAR from the worse.
I've recently been watching a show on TV called "Blackboard Wars". It's insane what those teachers put up with! Granted, they do teach in bad cities. But by watching this show it made me reflect on my high school experiences and on things that I have observed myself.
I know a handful of great educators. All are great in their own ways. I've also had the chance to come across numerous teachers who really are not suited to be teachers. But, those are few and far between. I'm not going to focus on the "not so great" teachers in this blog, because in my experiences with teachers, I have come to notice that those that are not that great are not that memorable. And do not make up for the huge percentage that are fabulous.
Underpaid...
I am not sure who came up with the payment system for educators, but they suck. And that's putting it lightly. Who in their right mind thought "Well, these people are only teaching our future...let's pay them crap amounts of money." Whoever it was, should be beaten. By high school bullies. Daily. For their checks. I'm just saying.
To do the jobs that most teachers do daily, they surely do not get paid enough. I just don't get it. I recently read that teachers in Switzerland get paid around $100,000 a year. I know not one teacher who gets paid anything close to that. It baffles me to be honest.
How is it sane that pro sport players make more money than teachers? I may be wrong on this, but if the younger version of those pro players were unable to make good enough grades to stay on whatever sport team they were on, would they be playing today? Granted most have their family, and friends and coaches backing them and supporting them all the way. But where I come from, if you can't make the grades, you don't make the team. (for the most part anyways.) So, without the early years of team play, practices, all that good stuff, would they be where they are today? Who helped them get to point that their grades were acceptable enough to be able to do more than warm a bench? Ummm...I have never seen a coach sit down and teach their teams trigonometry. And I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm sure it does, but most teams don't have coaches like that. Is this whole paragraph making sense? Or am I just rambling? A little of both? Ok, great, we're right on track then....
Overworked.
I really just want to walk into one of our local schools (preferably the junior high or high school) and just watch. All day. And then all those kids that acted a fool, or just plain out disrespected an authority figure, take them to a jail and show them what it's like to be treated in such a manner. It's INSANE! These kids have respect for each other, authority, elders or their self.
Maybe I'm weird. Maybe I just grew up in such a dysfunctional household that school was my only outlet and my only reprieve from all of that. Maybe it's both of those, and the fact that I really enjoy learning.
Like I said before, I was in now way a model student. I was pregnant at 15, and had a job. I did turn in late assignments, but I turned the majority of them in as soon as I could. I never threatened a teacher, I never brought weapons to school, I never just blatantly disregarding a rule, a teachers warning; and neither did I just say "to hell with it" and not do my homework.
When I was in high school, I saw so much disrespect and hostility and ignorance, that it's ridiculous. It honestly makes me want to home school my children. But, the memories of the teachers that I encountered that made my high school career worth it change my mind every time.
I had so many great teachers. Many that I speak to today when I see them, and all I still look up to as great role models. And a couple of teachers I know that I never had myself.
I'm not going to call them out by name on here, but they will know who they are.
My freshman year I had an English teacher that I absolutely loved. I also beat up a fellow male student right before and right outside her class room once too. (Told ya, not a model student.) I ended up having her again a year or two later. I think it was my sophomore year that I had her again because I had just recently given birth and was trying to balance being a young mother, and school. It's hard to do! I remember falling asleep in her class more often than not. Instead of reprimanding me every single chance she got, instead of calling me out and singling me out like other teachers did and would have done, I was given numerous extensions on assignments. Time to complete them, and time to figure out what in the world we were doing in class. I don't remember if I passed that class with a high grade or low one, but I do remember her. And always will. She's also one of those teachers that listened, I remember talking to her on a few occasions, and she was always helpful. I also remember when one of my fellow classmates had family problems and she allowed that student to stay with her. That led to her adopting my classmate, and treating her like her own. I don't remember that whole backstory on that, but it doesn't matter. How many other teachers would have done that? Not many that I know of. It is little things like that that stand out to me. Things that others wouldn't do or attempt that make the difference.
Oh, yes, allow me to backtrack to elementary school. I had a teacher then that I honestly cannot tell you why she still is one of my favorite teachers. Honestly, I do not remember. She was my first and second grade teacher. And she was the teacher that helped me get back on track when I switched schools, and then switched back, and then found out that I hadn't learned enough at the other school to be able to go onto the next grade. I was held back, but was straddling two different grades until I could get the grades needed in the subjects that I was behind in. She did help me push through that and get through what needed to be done to go on to the next grade. I used to see her at Berrymans often when I worked there. I will never forget her either.
Middle school never really held a lot of teachers that stand out to me. Mainly because we switched so much that I was never able to get used to one. I do remember a science teacher that was literally just awesome. Real hands on and just an all around great teacher. She really helped solidify my love of science and that pushed me to want to read more about science and to learn more about it as well.
There are so many other teachers that I absolutely cherish. I just can't put them all down. I think I only ever really disliked one or two teachers in my life. But, I think my favorite teacher ever had to be my art teacher from high school. And I have no legit, concrete reason as to why that is. She's just awesome. One of those totally down to earth people that make their kids clothes, and have cool art stories to tell, and is just open to talk about anything. That was her. And she named her kids the most awesome names EVER! But, I do know that I did spend a lot of time talking to her about a lot of stuff. Baby daddy drama pretty much. (And trust me, THAT was some drama!) Whenever I would go back to the high school for whatever reason, I always made a special trip by her class room to visit her. And now she has left to go onto bigger and better things! Actually, she just left to go to a school closer to her home. (I mean, they could be paying her more money for all I know...I would.) She even came to my wedding! I remember the night after our wedding, Joshua and I were opening cards and stuff from guests and he opened one and since I was looking over his shoulder, I saw it before he opened it to read the inside. Before he could do that, I said "That's from Mrs........" and it was. Because she is the ONLY person I know that would give me a wedding card like that.
It's always the little things that matter most to me. The things that fall into the recesses of most peoples minds and collect dust. For me, that stuff stands out. I remember that stuff.
I know two teachers who I never had, but love to death anyways. One of which has Tourette Syndrome (which, my husband also has.) and is probably the most eloquent orator that I know. She literally opens her mouth and beauty flows out. (That may be extreme....but so is my use of parentheses...so it's whatever) Sometimes I have to just absorb what she says and try to process it later because it's just a bunch of stuff that comes out at once and she uses words that I don't understand and describes stuff in ways that you would have never thought to describe them. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it! And, she reminds me of Andy Warhol. So, yeah, she's pretty rad.
The second, is a lady just a year or two older than I am. She teaches a BUNCH of kids. And is taking more classes (I don't know why...oh yeah, because teachers like to go above and beyond expectations...) and working another job. She has an A/B scheduling, that is a ton of kids. But she does it with grace, and I have never heard her complain about it. She's just great at what she does, and she knows that it is worth it.
It's people like them that truly make school a great experience. Some people say they never had those great teachers, and I call bullshit. They just didn't want to have those great teachers. I have seen teachers bend over backwards to help students, just to have said student kick them and run off.
I just don't get it. I don't get how people can spit in the face of those trying to help them. How people can act as if what a teacher does is not important. Of all the people in our country that should be among the top paid, teachers should be right up there next to soldiers. What kind of future does America have without an education?!
I will agree that some of the problems in schools now a days branch out from home issues. A lot of parents do not feel that it is necessary to teach the concepts of respect and determination at home anymore. But, it's hard to blame a lot of behavioral problems on the parents when the "children" are 16+. They're almost adults. They know what is right, and what is wrong. They know what they are doing. But, I do agree that a lot of it does start at home. Discipline is a must, and is needed now more than ever. At home, and at school.
To all those people sitting in class rooms, thinking of ways to disrupt class: What the hell are you thinking?! That man/woman standing at the front of the room, writing out equations and explaining Shakespeare to you until they are blue in the face, just to have you say "I don't get it...." because you were not paying attention...That person does not HAVE to be there. They do not HAVE to listen to your excuses, and rants, and disrespectful comments. They do not HAVE to help you understand this stuff. They do not HAVE to give you assignment extensions. They do not HAVE to do anything for you, at all. Except teach you. And that is where most students fail. They fail in being taught. It is impossible to teach someone something that they have chosen not to learn. But teachers do it anyways. Because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to. I have always said that to be a teacher you have to literally be called to do it by the good Lord above, because no other way would a person be able to do it. And being a teacher is such a beautiful thing. Having the ability to help mold the future generations, and to change lives. It's too bad that few people see it as such now a days. So the next time you think you're going to be cute, disrupt class, maybe get into a fight; remember, that person at the front of the class wants nothing more to help you succeed, wants to see you learn, wants to see you happy, wants to help you anyway you can. But in order for you to receive any of the gifts that could be laid out for you; you have to sit down, shut up, and try. Teachers are there to help you when you fail or feel like you're failing, they are there to pick you back up academically, shake you off, and say "so, what should you have done differently?" and then help you correct yourself. And to help you learn from your mistakes. Because you are supposed to LEARN at school. Learning something new everyday should be a goal.
Like I said before, maybe I'm just weird. But I can look back, and the majority of the things that I have EVER learned in my life, was taught to me by teachers. Most of it isn't even "school" stuff. It's life stuff. So many teachers pour their life and soul, and time, and often their own money, into being a great teacher that it's almost become kind of a requirement. I honestly do not know how they do it. But I salute them, their knowledge, their perseverance, their dedication, integrity, discipline, love for their students and their job. I salute our educators. Somebody has to.
As always, with Love & Laughter.
God Bless! :) <3
P.S. I know that I ramble and rant on a normal basis, it's what I do best actually...But, I found out that I am pregnant a few days ago, so please ignore all the hormones floating throughout my blog posts....whoops! ;)
Let me start out by saying this: I was never a model student. I got into trouble. I caused my fair share as well. But, I was FAR from the worse.
I've recently been watching a show on TV called "Blackboard Wars". It's insane what those teachers put up with! Granted, they do teach in bad cities. But by watching this show it made me reflect on my high school experiences and on things that I have observed myself.
I know a handful of great educators. All are great in their own ways. I've also had the chance to come across numerous teachers who really are not suited to be teachers. But, those are few and far between. I'm not going to focus on the "not so great" teachers in this blog, because in my experiences with teachers, I have come to notice that those that are not that great are not that memorable. And do not make up for the huge percentage that are fabulous.
Underpaid...
I am not sure who came up with the payment system for educators, but they suck. And that's putting it lightly. Who in their right mind thought "Well, these people are only teaching our future...let's pay them crap amounts of money." Whoever it was, should be beaten. By high school bullies. Daily. For their checks. I'm just saying.
To do the jobs that most teachers do daily, they surely do not get paid enough. I just don't get it. I recently read that teachers in Switzerland get paid around $100,000 a year. I know not one teacher who gets paid anything close to that. It baffles me to be honest.
How is it sane that pro sport players make more money than teachers? I may be wrong on this, but if the younger version of those pro players were unable to make good enough grades to stay on whatever sport team they were on, would they be playing today? Granted most have their family, and friends and coaches backing them and supporting them all the way. But where I come from, if you can't make the grades, you don't make the team. (for the most part anyways.) So, without the early years of team play, practices, all that good stuff, would they be where they are today? Who helped them get to point that their grades were acceptable enough to be able to do more than warm a bench? Ummm...I have never seen a coach sit down and teach their teams trigonometry. And I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm sure it does, but most teams don't have coaches like that. Is this whole paragraph making sense? Or am I just rambling? A little of both? Ok, great, we're right on track then....
Overworked.
I really just want to walk into one of our local schools (preferably the junior high or high school) and just watch. All day. And then all those kids that acted a fool, or just plain out disrespected an authority figure, take them to a jail and show them what it's like to be treated in such a manner. It's INSANE! These kids have respect for each other, authority, elders or their self.
Maybe I'm weird. Maybe I just grew up in such a dysfunctional household that school was my only outlet and my only reprieve from all of that. Maybe it's both of those, and the fact that I really enjoy learning.
Like I said before, I was in now way a model student. I was pregnant at 15, and had a job. I did turn in late assignments, but I turned the majority of them in as soon as I could. I never threatened a teacher, I never brought weapons to school, I never just blatantly disregarding a rule, a teachers warning; and neither did I just say "to hell with it" and not do my homework.
When I was in high school, I saw so much disrespect and hostility and ignorance, that it's ridiculous. It honestly makes me want to home school my children. But, the memories of the teachers that I encountered that made my high school career worth it change my mind every time.
I had so many great teachers. Many that I speak to today when I see them, and all I still look up to as great role models. And a couple of teachers I know that I never had myself.
I'm not going to call them out by name on here, but they will know who they are.
My freshman year I had an English teacher that I absolutely loved. I also beat up a fellow male student right before and right outside her class room once too. (Told ya, not a model student.) I ended up having her again a year or two later. I think it was my sophomore year that I had her again because I had just recently given birth and was trying to balance being a young mother, and school. It's hard to do! I remember falling asleep in her class more often than not. Instead of reprimanding me every single chance she got, instead of calling me out and singling me out like other teachers did and would have done, I was given numerous extensions on assignments. Time to complete them, and time to figure out what in the world we were doing in class. I don't remember if I passed that class with a high grade or low one, but I do remember her. And always will. She's also one of those teachers that listened, I remember talking to her on a few occasions, and she was always helpful. I also remember when one of my fellow classmates had family problems and she allowed that student to stay with her. That led to her adopting my classmate, and treating her like her own. I don't remember that whole backstory on that, but it doesn't matter. How many other teachers would have done that? Not many that I know of. It is little things like that that stand out to me. Things that others wouldn't do or attempt that make the difference.
Oh, yes, allow me to backtrack to elementary school. I had a teacher then that I honestly cannot tell you why she still is one of my favorite teachers. Honestly, I do not remember. She was my first and second grade teacher. And she was the teacher that helped me get back on track when I switched schools, and then switched back, and then found out that I hadn't learned enough at the other school to be able to go onto the next grade. I was held back, but was straddling two different grades until I could get the grades needed in the subjects that I was behind in. She did help me push through that and get through what needed to be done to go on to the next grade. I used to see her at Berrymans often when I worked there. I will never forget her either.
Middle school never really held a lot of teachers that stand out to me. Mainly because we switched so much that I was never able to get used to one. I do remember a science teacher that was literally just awesome. Real hands on and just an all around great teacher. She really helped solidify my love of science and that pushed me to want to read more about science and to learn more about it as well.
There are so many other teachers that I absolutely cherish. I just can't put them all down. I think I only ever really disliked one or two teachers in my life. But, I think my favorite teacher ever had to be my art teacher from high school. And I have no legit, concrete reason as to why that is. She's just awesome. One of those totally down to earth people that make their kids clothes, and have cool art stories to tell, and is just open to talk about anything. That was her. And she named her kids the most awesome names EVER! But, I do know that I did spend a lot of time talking to her about a lot of stuff. Baby daddy drama pretty much. (And trust me, THAT was some drama!) Whenever I would go back to the high school for whatever reason, I always made a special trip by her class room to visit her. And now she has left to go onto bigger and better things! Actually, she just left to go to a school closer to her home. (I mean, they could be paying her more money for all I know...I would.) She even came to my wedding! I remember the night after our wedding, Joshua and I were opening cards and stuff from guests and he opened one and since I was looking over his shoulder, I saw it before he opened it to read the inside. Before he could do that, I said "That's from Mrs........" and it was. Because she is the ONLY person I know that would give me a wedding card like that.
It's always the little things that matter most to me. The things that fall into the recesses of most peoples minds and collect dust. For me, that stuff stands out. I remember that stuff.
I know two teachers who I never had, but love to death anyways. One of which has Tourette Syndrome (which, my husband also has.) and is probably the most eloquent orator that I know. She literally opens her mouth and beauty flows out. (That may be extreme....but so is my use of parentheses...so it's whatever) Sometimes I have to just absorb what she says and try to process it later because it's just a bunch of stuff that comes out at once and she uses words that I don't understand and describes stuff in ways that you would have never thought to describe them. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it! And, she reminds me of Andy Warhol. So, yeah, she's pretty rad.
The second, is a lady just a year or two older than I am. She teaches a BUNCH of kids. And is taking more classes (I don't know why...oh yeah, because teachers like to go above and beyond expectations...) and working another job. She has an A/B scheduling, that is a ton of kids. But she does it with grace, and I have never heard her complain about it. She's just great at what she does, and she knows that it is worth it.
It's people like them that truly make school a great experience. Some people say they never had those great teachers, and I call bullshit. They just didn't want to have those great teachers. I have seen teachers bend over backwards to help students, just to have said student kick them and run off.
I just don't get it. I don't get how people can spit in the face of those trying to help them. How people can act as if what a teacher does is not important. Of all the people in our country that should be among the top paid, teachers should be right up there next to soldiers. What kind of future does America have without an education?!
I will agree that some of the problems in schools now a days branch out from home issues. A lot of parents do not feel that it is necessary to teach the concepts of respect and determination at home anymore. But, it's hard to blame a lot of behavioral problems on the parents when the "children" are 16+. They're almost adults. They know what is right, and what is wrong. They know what they are doing. But, I do agree that a lot of it does start at home. Discipline is a must, and is needed now more than ever. At home, and at school.
To all those people sitting in class rooms, thinking of ways to disrupt class: What the hell are you thinking?! That man/woman standing at the front of the room, writing out equations and explaining Shakespeare to you until they are blue in the face, just to have you say "I don't get it...." because you were not paying attention...That person does not HAVE to be there. They do not HAVE to listen to your excuses, and rants, and disrespectful comments. They do not HAVE to help you understand this stuff. They do not HAVE to give you assignment extensions. They do not HAVE to do anything for you, at all. Except teach you. And that is where most students fail. They fail in being taught. It is impossible to teach someone something that they have chosen not to learn. But teachers do it anyways. Because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to. I have always said that to be a teacher you have to literally be called to do it by the good Lord above, because no other way would a person be able to do it. And being a teacher is such a beautiful thing. Having the ability to help mold the future generations, and to change lives. It's too bad that few people see it as such now a days. So the next time you think you're going to be cute, disrupt class, maybe get into a fight; remember, that person at the front of the class wants nothing more to help you succeed, wants to see you learn, wants to see you happy, wants to help you anyway you can. But in order for you to receive any of the gifts that could be laid out for you; you have to sit down, shut up, and try. Teachers are there to help you when you fail or feel like you're failing, they are there to pick you back up academically, shake you off, and say "so, what should you have done differently?" and then help you correct yourself. And to help you learn from your mistakes. Because you are supposed to LEARN at school. Learning something new everyday should be a goal.
Like I said before, maybe I'm just weird. But I can look back, and the majority of the things that I have EVER learned in my life, was taught to me by teachers. Most of it isn't even "school" stuff. It's life stuff. So many teachers pour their life and soul, and time, and often their own money, into being a great teacher that it's almost become kind of a requirement. I honestly do not know how they do it. But I salute them, their knowledge, their perseverance, their dedication, integrity, discipline, love for their students and their job. I salute our educators. Somebody has to.
As always, with Love & Laughter.
God Bless! :) <3
P.S. I know that I ramble and rant on a normal basis, it's what I do best actually...But, I found out that I am pregnant a few days ago, so please ignore all the hormones floating throughout my blog posts....whoops! ;)
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